STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Andrea Julia · Coach

RE: sex- overrated?

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

And the prize for TMI goes to...Moi! Okay, I'm going to try to keep from going overboard...

I'm on the fence about sex being overrated. I've had quite a lot. I lost the big V pretty young (it wasn't in the best of circumstances, but that's in the past). Anyway, raging hormones being what they are in the teens, I had quite a lot of fun with my boyfriend when I lived in France. It was great. At least once a day. But then I hit college, and I suddenly hit a rut. I NEVER wanted to, couldn't get in the mood no matter how hard I tried. It sucked, it made me feel like there was something seriously wrong with me. I've tried out a number of different people, and what it has come down to is pure, animal attraction. Of course, emotion and a deeper connection brings more to the table. But at the base, what drives my being in the mood or not, is how attracted I am to the person in a physical sense. I don't think I'll ever attain the heights of sex drive that I had in my late teens, but I have found someone to whom I'm attracted at that superficial level, and FINALLY I'm getting back into the groove.

So, I have been on both sides...the "no desire whatsoever" to the "wanting it all the time." I think sex just boils down to having a good time. People put so much pressure on it...to always achieve, ahem, the "ultimate pleasure," when I can have just as much fun, and sometimes more, without it. It certainly takes the pressure off, not worrying about it, and I don't like thinking about me, me, me during sex. So I say relax, have fun, it's not that big a deal.

laken1 · Hermes

Andrea Julia wrote:

blubirde wrote:

Andrea Julia wrote: I actually bought a mechanism to practice on my own about a year ago and have never taken it out of the box. Sometimes I plan that I will, but when I get the chance to, I never feel like it. I just think it would depress me. Ahhhh!!!!! It won't depress you - it will make you so, so, so happy. Trust me. When a woman embraces her own sexuality and can satisify herself, she's instantly happyier and more satisfied. That usually translates into a bit of confidence and the opposite sex can sense it. So not only does self-expression (if you will) increase our happiness and satisfaction, it also attracts men.

I don't know. I'm afraid it will because I already feel depressed about not being part of a couple and I have to face this like 2000 times a day. I try to keep that aspect of my life out of my mind as much as I can. I think I will be more open to trying it when (if) I am seriously dating and know it isn't the only way I am getting any. I just need the skin against skin and cuddly part of sex. Also, the emotion. I don't think I would enjoy it without those things. -- Edited by Andrea Julia at 13:36, 2005-08-16

Ok, I see what you are saying, but I totally disagree. Here's what you do. Go buy yourself this book "How to Drive you Man Even Wilder in Bed" - I swear, it's much more about how to make yourself feel ok with yourself than it really is about him. There is a section (as soon as i put my hands on mine I'll give you a page #) about having a day for yourself kinda thing, like - ok TMI TIME - from using your prize to looking at yourself in the mirror, etc. I swear it's like girl porn - reading is much better than watching.

Your sexuality has nothing to do with rather or not you are in a relationship with someone else. Your sexuality is about YOU. I definatley figured out the most about myself in times when I was alone - then I could translate that into a relationship. And if you are satisfying yourself, I agree that you will come across different to others & probably attact a man without trying because you will know you don't need one. I know what you mean about skin on skin, etc, but just try it. If it doesn't work, I'll send you the money for the book....

blubirde · Chanel

And if that book doesn't do it for you, check out Betty Dodson's Sex for One. Seriously one of the best female sexuality books out there. I always recommend it to my friends who are a bit insecure.

laken1 · Hermes

blubirde wrote:

And if that book doesn't do it for you, check out Betty Dodson's Sex for One. Seriously one of the best female sexuality books out there. I always recommend it to my friends who are a bit insecure.

Is it interesting even if you aren't insecure? You peaked my curiousity!

blubirde · Chanel

laken1 wrote:

blubirde wrote: And if that book doesn't do it for you, check out Betty Dodson's Sex for One. Seriously one of the best female sexuality books out there. I always recommend it to my friends who are a bit insecure. Is it interesting even if you aren't insecure? You peaked my curiousity!

Are you kidding? This is the best book out there, period, imo. I have a friend who buys it for all her girlfriends (well, almost all) and gives it as a gift every year. I'd definitely check it out. Betty Dodson rocks. I think she has a website out there (and a new book coming out - Sex for Two maybe?). Anyway if you do a google search, she'll come up. She rocks.