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Post Info TOPIC: need some advice (long)
honey


Gucci

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need some advice (long)
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hi, i don't post often in this section, but i am in desperated need of some unbiased advice, so i'm hoping you ladies can offer some insight.

the short story is i moved back home. when i originally moved there were 3 people (my mom, my brother, and i) splitting the rent 3 ways. i took the place of brother #1, who decided at the last minute he didnt want to move.  brother #2 moved out and recently said he can no longer help with the rent. (there is a long story behind this) my mom also lost her job (she knew this was going to happen). she has negotiated the rent down a bit from the 3 person rate, but it is still $200 more than i was paying before.

the thing is i really want to move out. essentially i am paying market rate to live @ home, and in everyway feel like i am 15 again.  if i look i can definitely find something in my area in a comparable price range. even if it's not cheaper, the relationship would be different. however, if i move, then my mom has to move (she can't afford the entire rent on her own, and she doesn't really need a 3 bedroom). i feel bad about that. 

if you were in my situation what would you do? please help. i've talked to many of my friends about this, but i feel like they're biased b/c they know the whole story. i really want a fresh perspective.

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Boots


Gucci

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I definitely understand about how living with a parent can make you feel like a kid. I have parents in their 70's and because both my brothers are married, I'm the one who lives with our parents to assist them. And it can be extremely trying.

That being said, my best advice is to speak to your mom about the situation. She doesn't sound like she needs you to live with her to physically assist her. It's mainly financial, right? So maybe she will be OK with you moving out. It might give her an opportunity to find a smaller (and cheaper) place. Maybe she will enjoy being on her own also. Remember, if you are paying a high rate because it's just the 2 of you now, so is she. She might jump at the opportunity to find a cheaper one bedroom place.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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I think there's an art to living with an adult child successfully. All the advice columnists tell parents they should adopt the "live by my rules or pay rent" attitude, and I agree, but they don't mention what to do when the adult child pays rent - and still gets treated like a child. Clearly you know your best course of action is to move out, the question is how to go about doing it without it being a hardship on someone you love.

As I understand it, if you signed a lease but move out (as your brother did) you're responsible for the rent until a new tenant can be found. So that's issue number one..."I can't afford it" isn't an excuse, but that boat already sailed.

However, you could consider finding another roommate or two who can move in so you're not walking away without doing the responsible thing. Two available bedrooms sounds like an ideal arrangement for a single parent, for example.

Boots has a good point about her perhaps wanting to be on her own in a smaller place, so I agree you might want to talk to her first about what she wants. I'd explain to her that your goal is to move into your own place, but you're going to be strategic about it so she isn't left in the lurch again.




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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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 I was in basically this same situation and we all moved.  Its time for everyone to start fresh!  It will be healthier.

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Elle


Hermes

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I agree that moving would likely be best for everyone.  I think the key to avoiding hard feelings about it would be to make sure you talk to your mom openly and frequently about your thoughts on the subject, and hear hers too.  Making sure she knows that you expect to help her find a new place and get resettled would be nice, too smile.gif. 

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joy0302


Kate Spade

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If your mom can afford the rent on a cheaper place and is cool with that then that would be the best case scenario. Is her being without a job temporary or is she retiring? If it is temporary maybe you could stay and help her just for a specified time until she gets her financials straightened out.

You are in a really tough position. I hope you and your mom can find something that works out great for both of you.

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honey


Gucci

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thanks for all the advice ladies! it's great to hear some fresh opinions.
the decision seems to be unanimous. will keep you posted as things progress.

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