STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

Any Words of Wisdom?

lsubatgirl · Gucci

I'm sorry you had such a rough night last night. I haven't been in your situation before so I don't have any good words of wisdom to tell you except I think you are doing the right thing. It will be hard at first but maybe you can see a counselor to help you get through your feelings and raise your self-esteem back up.

Don't forget we are here for you and will listen when you need us too (((hugs)))

joy0302 · Kate Spade

I think the best thing about the situation is that you are not in denial over the way he acts. The fact that you know there is a big problem and that this is a bad situation for you is going to help you get through it. You know what you need to do and he is trying to give you low self esteem to keep you from leaving him. Be strong and get yourself out of there!

blubirde · Chanel

I've been there beachgirl. Only I was so warped I didn't realize how bad the situation really was. It took a long and extensive healing process for me to realize how f'ed up I'd become with all the negativity (I don't blame him anymore because I let him do it to me again and again). You are light years ahead of the game.

If you know it's not right, do what IS right by you and get out of a bad situation. It will definitely be hard but if it was easy you would have done it ages ago. A year from now you will be a completely different person and so much happier. You can't imagine it now I'm sure but keep your eye on the ultimate prize - you and your happiness. You are worth so much more than what you are getting.

I think a roommate is a great idea - it will give you something to focus on. And you can vent here are you want. Everyone always has such great words of wisdom. Good luck and stay strong!

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I was in a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years in college. I know exactly what you are going through. My experience is probably way worse than yours would ever get but I can still relate.

I do not mean to pour salt on the wound, but those business dinners may have nothing to do with business at all. I know my ex would be so hurtful, especially after night of cheating on me.. It was like, he knew what he was doing was wrong so he would come home and hit me, hoping that I would leave him and his conscious would be freed. Like if I broke up with him that time, he would be okay with how I had been treated.

I knew I wasnt doing anything wrong as well. But you still had to wonder... How could someone possibly hate me this much? There must be something seriously wrong with me. For me, it was a mix of: 1. I will never find anyone else bc I must be an awful person 2. After all this time, I have WAY too much baggage. noone else will put up with me. 3. Have I really wasted 3 years of my life, praying things will get better only to have it end like this?

You are doing the right thing. RUN from him. Move out right away and in with family or friends until you can get back on your feet. Keep telling yourself that he is bad, bad bad. I know for me, 1000 people told me to leave him a million times. Only you can determine if you are ready to do that. I know I wasn't ready until I was anarexicly thin, sick with depression, and tired. Tired of the BS, the abuse and tired of crying.

You can do it. Trust yourself to make the right decisions! PM me if you'd like!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

This is the story about my lazy ass boyfriend I posted yesterday under, lazy boyfriend please help.
This one wasn't verbally abusive, even though I dated one of those too, but it was bad enough to make me leave after 3 years. I totally hear where you are coming from when you clean and work so hard and he does nothing but complain. Maybe he is capable of being nice, but it's not worth it. Don't put yourself in potential danger for the sake of a few "nice" moments. Think of how silly that sounds if you think about it!! Find someone who appreciates you and all that you do! Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. It wears on your soul until you have no self esteem left. Don't let that happen! When I started over it was so scary and I moved back in with my parents!! It was so hard, but soooooooo worth it! PM me if you want to talk or just need support! I know how you feel!

I was with my college bf for 3 years, 2 of them we lived together. He was 26 and I was 22 so he should have been more mature then me...nope. He was a lazy bum. He did work, but he was in carpet, and they got slow once and a while. When they were slow I had to work triple hard to make bills and when I would come home he would be sitting on his ass playing playstation, the apt. a mess! I would come home and clean and pay bills, and he never would do anything. Anytime I would ask him to do anything he would say I was nagging him. I started getting really depressed and was like "is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?" I finally realized, I don't have to settle for him. I moved out. It was the hardest and best thing I have ever done.

It took a lot of support from my family and time to get over leaving someone I really loved, but when I thought about how miserable my life would be cleaning up after him, I knew I had to get out and that he was never going to change.

I hope that for your own sake if your guy is like this, you can leave. You don't deserve to have someone you have to take care of, it should be the other way around. I found that person 6 months later and now we a married and I never knew life or a relationship could be this amazing.
I hope the same for you with whoever it may be. Just have the courage to make YOU happy. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and your life. BE HAPPY!!!!!

lynnie · Chanel

I think you are very brave and strong for being able to admit to yourself that there is a problem and that you want out. I'm sure you have the support of all of your friends- it is so hard to see someone in that type of relationship- knowing that you can do nothing until they are ready to leave. While I've never been in this type of relationship, and am thankful every day to have such a loving, kind, and honest bf, I have lost a very good friend because of this, and I know she is destined to a lifetime of unhappiness because she is now engaged to her controlling and verbally abusive boyfriend. I second the notion to RUN AWAY. Do not look back, do not let him contact you, you do not need him in your life. Your self esteem will repair itself once you are not surrounded by constant negative energy and are able to spend time on your own happiness. Just keep telling yourself- this is SUPPOSED to be hard, and it won't bother you as much. The next few days, weeks, months aren't going to be easy, but it will be so much better than a lifetime of being abused. Stay strong!

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

good for you--you are 100% right on and we are all rooting for you.

small fry · Chanel

beach girl i know where you are coming from. i was with my first husband which is now deceased for 2 years. We was married for 13 years and he was very critical and i always felt like i had to be a different person to please him. He was also emtionaly abuse at times, of course i did not leave him because we had a son and he would have made a big battle of the custody issue. I wont go into alot of details here but sice you are not married and have no childern get out while you can and heal yourself. Once i was able to deal with all my emotions and feelings that got buried deep inside i was set free and now iam happliy married to a wonderful man and i still can be myself. I hope this helps- i dont know you but iam a good listener and you can talk if you need too- email kaykay33@cableone.net

Belinda

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Good for you for deciding not to put up with this any longer Beachgirl - and good luck! I know what you mean about the confidence issue. The same thing happened to me. As for the roommate situation, it may not be as bad as you think. The first few months of living alone really creeped me out. You now what, though? I never would have believed it, but now that I have a roommate lined up for next semester, I don't want to stop living alone. It's just so nice to be in the quiet of my house, where I can do whatever I want with my mail, and no one can criticize me or complain and there isn't that pull of what-will-he-say-when-he-gets-home...

You hang in there - it will be so much better you won't believe it... And seriously, I was so inspired reading everyone else's posts. We are really awesome!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

sephorablue wrote:

good for you--you are 100% right on and we are all rooting for you.

amen. we are cheering you on every step of the way.

(((((((((((((((((hugs and love))))))))))))))))))))

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

Thank you girls so much for all of your posts. Some of them were so dead on I was holding back tears. It makes me feel so much better to know that I'm not alone or crazy and that better things are waiting for me once I get away from this abusive relationship.

I really can't even say how much your posts have meant to me today