STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Tati · Chanel

RE: am i being unreasonable? ~UPDATED with a big WTF?!~

Boots · Gucci

It's one thing to friend your SO's brother, a fellow co-worker. It's quite another to see that she is checking out your accounts. There is nothing innocent about that.

Unfortunately, I don't think there 's really a lot you can do about it. Block her from what you can. Be very careful what you post anywhere. I think she might have an obsessive personality and any little thing might add fuel to her fire.

Now that we have the ST link on blogs, it's even possible that she could follow you over here. It's something you might want to consider.

kenzie · Chanel

^Crap, I know. I thought of this earlier when I was posting. It makes me angry because my blog is the jumping point for my future business plans and I love how I'm making connections with people there and I want to promote them as much as I can. But how can when things like this happen? I already changed my signature.

-- Edited by kenzie on Tuesday 6th of April 2010 10:34:41 AM

Kelly · Hermes

kenzie wrote:

^Crap, I know. I thought of this earlier when I was posting. It makes me angry because my blog is the jumping point for my future business plans and I love how I'm making connections with people there and I want to promote them as much as I can. But how can when things like this happen? I already changed my signature.

-- Edited by kenzie on Tuesday 6th of April 2010 10:34:41 AM

Yikes I didn't even think about the blog button. Do you think your avatar would give you away too?

kenzie · Chanel

^CRAP! Yes. Dammit. I guess I'll change that to something random and generic, too.

Elle · Hermes

She does sound obsessive, but I think confronting her about it directly would only add fuel to her fire. It sounds like she's drinking in every little tidbit she can about him and his life as a substitute for actually being with him, so she can feel like they're still connected somehow. Getting up in her face about it could give her the idea that her actions are really bothering you and causing friction between you and SO, which could just make her hold on tighter if she think your relationship might be on the brink.

Prevent her from seeing your stuff online, as much as you can. It might get worse before it gets better once you block her out, but I think eventually she'll lose interest with less 'material' to keep the obsession going on.

kenzie · Chanel

^I agree with what you've said, Elle. Personally, though, I don't think she'll go leave him alone until he quits working there. I think just being in the same building with him 5 days a week is enough "material" for her to keep the crazy-fires burning.

Elle · Hermes

I know, which is a huge bummer still. Uh, maybe she'll find a new victim to stalk? Kidding! I think all you can do is minimize her access to you and her impact on you as best you can for the time being, and remember that this too shall pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Suasoria · Chanel

I think taking all the technological approaches to blocking her from your lives, and refusing to engage in any confrontation that might give her the satisfaction of seeing that she's getting under you and SO's skin, is a wise course of action.

blink · Coach

If I were you, by this point I think I would have reached my threshold and would have probably confronted her in some flat way... ask her to meet for coffee just to pick her brain a bit and find out, as irrational as they are, what's motivating her (in her own words). But I'm kind of weird that way, I have this thing for confronting in a kind and curious way. I am just tooo curious, I am incapable of taking the silent high road.

I'm fascinated that she finds you two so interesting and she's so willing to look so publicly pathetic, she's clearly delusional and obsessed. I'm astounded that she's friended SO's brother, such an obvious move. People never cease to amaze me, especially the ones who are so desperate for attention! I have no doubt that she was the initiator on the facebook friending... probably sitting around fantasizing about getting to know the brother better because it could potentially put her closer to your SO and hmm, maybe eventually she could be part of the family and win him over..., LOL... what in the world is going on in this woman's head, the mind reels!

Overall... Laugh it OFF! She is not a threat, she's a silly, unmothered, needy, insecure, under nutured child-woman with NO SELF WORTH. Feel sorry for her. She's not worth any feelings of being bothered, she's not even worthy of insulting you.

(if she's cute though, amazingly sometimes men DO feel sympathy and attraction for these types of women.. because they are so vulnerable and make a man feel like he can help them, plus they usually pour on the unwarranted compliments to men, all of which makes some men feel good about themselves... it was this type of woman who was my ex husband's temporary mistress... she got so ditched on the curb when I forgave him, but still.. she got her way for a period of time.. so you gotta keep your eye on these kinds of women)

Don't go to great lengths to make your online life private. If she keeps up the stalking behavior (I cannot believe she favorited a pic!!!), I think you could ask her about it in a mature and rational way. Sometimes, when this kind of behavior is confronted assertively, not aggressively, like a freak looking in a mirror, it will scare them off.

good luck getting rid of her, whatever your chosen method.

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

blink wrote:

If I were you, by this point I think I would have reached my threshold and would have probably confronted her in some flat way... ask her to meet for coffee just to pick her brain a bit and find out, as irrational as they are, what's motivating her (in her own words). But I'm kind of weird that way, I have this thing for confronting in a kind and curious way. I am just tooo curious, I am incapable of taking the silent high road.

I'm fascinated that she finds you two so interesting and she's so willing to look so publicly pathetic, she's clearly delusional and obsessed. I'm astounded that she's friended SO's brother, such an obvious move. People never cease to amaze me, especially the ones who are so desperate for attention! I have no doubt that she was the initiator on the facebook friending... probably sitting around fantasizing about getting to know the brother better because it could potentially put her closer to your SO and hmm, maybe eventually she could be part of the family and win him over..., LOL... what in the world is going on in this woman's head, the mind reels!

Overall... Laugh it OFF! She is not a threat, she's a silly, unmothered, needy, insecure, under nutured child-woman with NO SELF WORTH. Feel sorry for her. She's not worth any feelings of being bothered, she's not even worthy of insulting you.

(if she's cute though, amazingly sometimes men DO feel sympathy and attraction for these types of women.. because they are so vulnerable and make a man feel like he can help them, plus they usually pour on the unwarranted compliments to men, all of which makes some men feel good about themselves... it was this type of woman who was my ex husband's temporary mistress... she got so ditched on the curb when I forgave him, but still.. she got her way for a period of time.. so you gotta keep your eye on these kinds of women)

WOW - Very inciteful comment

kenzie · Chanel

blink wrote:

If I were you, by this point I think I would have reached my threshold and would have probably confronted her in some flat way... ask her to meet for coffee just to pick her brain a bit and find out, as irrational as they are, what's motivating her (in her own words). But I'm kind of weird that way, I have this thing for confronting in a kind and curious way. I am just tooo curious, I am incapable of taking the silent high road.

I'm fascinated that she finds you two so interesting and she's so willing to look so publicly pathetic, she's clearly delusional and obsessed. I'm astounded that she's friended SO's brother, such an obvious move. People never cease to amaze me, especially the ones who are so desperate for attention! I have no doubt that she was the initiator on the facebook friending... probably sitting around fantasizing about getting to know the brother better because it could potentially put her closer to your SO and hmm, maybe eventually she could be part of the family and win him over..., LOL... what in the world is going on in this woman's head, the mind reels!

Overall... Laugh it OFF! She is not a threat, she's a silly, unmothered, needy, insecure, under nutured child-woman with NO SELF WORTH. Feel sorry for her. She's not worth any feelings of being bothered, she's not even worthy of insulting you.

(if she's cute though, amazingly sometimes men DO feel sympathy and attraction for these types of women.. because they are so vulnerable and make a man feel like he can help them, plus they usually pour on the unwarranted compliments to men, all of which makes some men feel good about themselves... it was this type of woman who was my ex husband's temporary mistress... she got so ditched on the curb when I forgave him, but still.. she got her way for a period of time.. so you gotta keep your eye on these kinds of women)

Don't go to great lengths to make your online life private. If she keeps up the stalking behavior (I cannot believe she favorited a pic!!!), I think you could ask her about it in a mature and rational way. Sometimes, when this kind of behavior is confronted assertively, not aggressively, like a freak looking in a mirror, it will scare them off.

good luck getting rid of her, whatever your chosen method.

blink, I always love your comments because you say exactly what I'm thinking (and then some), but can't manage to articulate in the midst of my annoyance.

The pic favorite thing was just like, "wut?" At first I didn't even think it was her because there was just no way anyone could be that desperate and stupid. I figured the name thing was a coincidence but a few days later, I decided to click the link and surprise!- there was a picture of her shining face.