STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

RyanJ · Coach

Tell me I am overreacting...long, sorry

blubirde · Chanel

God no, you're not overreacting. I'd kick his ass if he did that to me after I went to all the trouble of planning a special day. You're right, boys are such idiots sometimes, aren't they? But the real dilemma is whether to say something today or tomorrow... hmmm... I'd probably say something today just because it would eat at me all day and by the time he came over I'd be a complete bitch. But if you can let it go, I'd wait until tomorrow at least to tell him it bugged you.

Good luck and just remember, girls rule and boys suck. I know it doesn't rhyme but it's still true.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

i'd be pissed too-- it's annoying when anyone flakes, but esp. annoying when your boy flakes. my cousin would have these issues w/ her bf all the time, same deal--nice guy, but absent minded, can't keep track of time, etc. and she'd always be like "if i'd've known i could've been studying, made other plans, etc." which of course is true and completely legitimate in its own right but when it's your boy that flakes as opposed to a friend there's a hurt factor there too. like my cousin would have this "how could you?/i would never do that to you" dialogue go on inside her head at which point she'd call me to vent and then be like what should i do? and i never really had an answer. but anyway, i think they basically worked it out mainly because of two things: 1. she realized how much she meant to him and stopped taking his behavior like a personal attack on their relationship and 2. he stopped doing it (as much) once he realized how upset she'd get. but then again my best friend would also have this same issue w/ her bf(now ex but they still see each other all the time--long story, don't ask) and it really hurt their relationship because she constantly felt like she was playing second fiddle.

ryanj, i don't really know if any of this applies to your situation or not but no, i don't think you're overreacting. only you can decide how to handle this instant situation but if i were you i'd probably ask him if he realized we had plans during the day and if so, why'd he flake? and see what he says. good luck!

kenzie · Chanel

No, you aren't overreacting. I'd be pissed as hell. It would make me feel like I'm not important and that the plans I had made didn't matter to him. Maybe he's being flaky, but he's also being inconsiderate and rude and those are two things that shouldn't happen with someone you are dating.

I would definitely say something to him, not in a hostile, huffy manner, but calmly and rationally. Just tell him that you were really looking forward to the day and had made plans and that you are hurt that he flaked out on you. And then take it from there.

I agree, w/ blubirde, girls rule and boys suck!

Kel · Coach

I think you have every right to be mad. It sounds like something my b/f used to do to me all the time. He just looses time and expects me to be there. It is especially hard situation for you b/c today is his b-day. In this situtation I would camly explain how I am kind of hurt b/c I was trying to plan something special for you and you flaked (I would say it a little nicer than that) then maybe a couple days later or after it happens again, I would sit him down and have a serious coversation on how this affects you and how you feel when he does stuff like that. By doing that I think you will be able to work out some sort of compromise.

Good Luck!

janey831 · Kate Spade

my ex was like that. he would be really flakey, kind of a fly by your seat kind of guy. i would always try to make plans for us, and he would always flake. he just didnt understand the idea of 'plans' and to him, it didnt matter what we did, because the point is, we were spending time together. in the end, this was among one of the reasons why we broke up. he just didn't see the 'big deal'. i admit, i did overreact sometimes, and looking back, i wish i had not. our relationship self destructed because of this. so i guess i would go against the norm and say, yes, tell him it bothered you, but i guess do it in a 'im not pissed' sort of way...i suck at giving advice. haha. anyway, goodluck!

poptart · Coach

I don't think you are overreacting at all! At some point, not necessarily today, you should have a conversation about this. I bet the only way it can change is if he comes down to earth and hears your complaint and comes up with some of his own methods for remembering when he has plans with you. Boys! Honestly!

lynnie · Chanel

I don't think you are over-reacting AND I would feel the same way. I still do at times. My bf is like this sometimes and it used to really bother me. BUT I realized that, even though we have talked it through and it has gotten much much better, it still happens on occasion and it doesn't mean he doesn't care for me or he is disrespecting me. Its just something I have to learn to accept, and I am okay with that- I have flaws too and while I would never do this to him, there are things I *NOT ON PURPOSE* do to him that he would never do to me. So sometimes, it is better to just let it go if you love him and he isn't trying to hurt you. Plus its his bday. Life is short.

splash · Kenneth Cole

I'd feel the same way. You should bring it up, just say that you feel a little upset when you think you'll get to see him and then he cancels. Phrase it nicely - it could be unintentional.

RyanJ · Coach

Thanks ladies for the feedback.

He does this stuff often, so if it was the first time it probably wouldn’t be a big deal, but after a while it starts to really piss me off.

I said something to him last night on the way to the movie- nicely, but kind of sarcastically. Blubirde, you and I sound alike. I knew if I didn't say anything to him yesterday it would just build up inside of me. I would be a total butt the whole night and just explode on him when I did talk to him. I get tired of lecturing him and yelling him about being on time and remembering when he makes plans. I am his gf not his mother.

To add insult to injury- I get my tonsils out on the 14. I told him about 2 months ago when I scheduled the surgery. Next week is going to be kind of busy because I have an aunt and uncle that are moving back here from Maine. It is just going to be hectic and I ask my bf to get the day off of work, so he could be here w/ my after surgery incase my family gets called away. I have reminded him several times and last night I said “Did you have any trouble getting the 14th off?” He just looked at me w/ the blank stare and I knew he didn’t do it. Geezzzzzz, why am I dating a 12 year old.

-- Edited by RyanJ at 20:01, 2005-07-07

jacL · Coach

RyanJ wrote:

I have reminded him several times and last night I said “Did you have any trouble getting the 14th off?” He just looked at me w/ the blank stare and I knew he didn’t do it. Geezzzzzz, why am I dating a 12 year old.

Ahh, I know exactly what this is like. I have to actually call my BF while he is at work and make sure he asks off. It is ridiculous.

Kel · Coach

Ryan J: I know how you feel, I have to remind my boyfriend numerous times to do something simple like bring me something from his house, or else he won't remember. I think it has something to do with guys, maybe short-term memory?