STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

shoppinggal · Nine West

a bit too generous?

lynnie · Chanel

Hmm, what is this guy like? Is he older? Is he single (hopefully he's not secretly married!?) Is he completely loaded? Is he a nice guy? Is he trying to impress you (because it's a weird way to impress a girl and would creep me out- BUT some girls would love it)? Personally, I would be VERY wary of a guy that wanted to fly me all over the place that I barely knew. To me, its romantic in theory to fly to Paris with a guy I like that I am getting to know, but in reality it could be dangerous or you could feel pressured into "owing" him something. I wouldn't accept his extravagent gifts.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

My radar is saying "control freak who has to have the upper hand..." Go with your instincts. It sounds like he's already weirded you out plenty. There's no reason to be too polite to him. This type will turn on you and hate you no matter what you do. (You know the rant, "Girls only want the assholes, they never go out with the nice guys like me, so I'm going to call your house sixty times and tell everyone what a bitch you are... Yeah, I'm just too nice to get a girl - they're all going out with guys who treat them like dirt....") So, if he is this type, it's probably better to cut out sooner than later...

shopgirl82 · Chanel

just playing devil's advocate cuz i've been in a similar situation twice....

i dated this one guy and he made good money but hadn't had a serious gf in a bit. he was about 30. we were at dinner one night and he mentioned how it sucks that he is finally making enough money to travel, etc... and he has no one to do it with. he explained how he wants to go to hawaii, etc... but he wants someone to go with.

so, maybe that's how this guy feels. he is ready to go on all those vacations, etc, that he has been postponing until he met someone. (honestly, i agree that you're cautious, i wouldn't feel comfortable YET either, but he could just be so eager to travel that he's pushing it on you early). maybe you could feel him out, or casually say that traveling together with someone means a lot to you, and it's not something that you take lightly.

the second situation was with my current bf. i was in college we met in oct., talked over the phone for a couple months, then he flew me out in jan. he then flew me out at least once a month after that.

it could be his way of saying that he wants to spend time with you, and the distance thing he doesn't want to get in the way....

i don't know how your guy feels, it definitely seems like he is pushing things on you, but i would just feel him out and see if you two are on the same page. good luck!

Mandy · Kate Spade

i agree with shopgirl that he could be just eager to travel somewhere and is excited to potentially have someone to go with him. it is a little too soon if you are just really starting to hang out/get to know him. i say spend more time with him/talking to him and if he seems ok and you enjoy his company, go for it. i love to travel so i would look at as a chance to go to cool places with someone i like, even if he's not the love of your life. but only once you know him/feel comfortable with him.

blubirde · Chanel

Wow, this is a toughie, isn't it? I've been in a similar situation. I started talking (on phone and im) over xmas to a guy I vaguely knew from law school. Vaguely in that I think I met him once. He was a friend of another friend. Anyway, he kept bugging me to come visit him in Cali, and he kept saying he would buy a ticket for me to come see him. I really, really, really wanted to go. Not because of him, I could have cared less about him, but because I wanted to do something spontaneous and I've never been to Cali and it was free! But I talked with some friends, and probably some of you girls on here, and decided I couldn't risk it. Who knows what he would expect if he paid for a ticket for me to come see him? If we were together or something then I wouldn't mind paying up (I hope I'd look forward to it) but I would have felt too awkward and uncomfortable accepting that kind of generosity from someone I hardly knew.

But it's pretty exciting isn't it? A trip to Paris? For free? It's soooo hard to resist temptations like that. If it makes you feel better, the guy from Cali and I have since met up again and we're GREAT friends. We talk almost every day. I'll probably visit him this summer (on my dime, of course). We're not romantically linked or anything but definitely one of my better guy friends.

Good luck and keep us updated!

RyanJ · Coach

It would weird me out too. When guys get too generous and emotinal too soon it freaks me out.

shoppinggal · Nine West

yeah, he's coming to town again this weekend, and we'll be hanging out. we'll see how that goes but we've been flirting madly with each other since last week. anyway he's been interesting and fun to have around so far, so i'm definitely tempted to take up the paris offer - but it'll probably be just one of my stops as i plan to catch some other friends in europe.

he's early thirties, and seemingly well-off, and is single (or so he claims). not bad-looking actually. LOL.

bean · Kenneth Cole

Dizzy wrote:

My radar is saying "control freak who has to have the upper hand..." Go with your instincts. It sounds like he's already weirded you out plenty. There's no reason to be too polite to him. This type will turn on you and hate you no matter what you do. (You know the rant, "Girls only want the assholes, they never go out with the nice guys like me, so I'm going to call your house sixty times and tell everyone what a bitch you are... Yeah, I'm just too nice to get a girl - they're all going out with guys who treat them like dirt....") So, if he is this type, it's probably better to cut out sooner than later...

wow Dizzy... obviously I don't know this guy, but if this is him, you hit it right on the head!

guys who are overly "generous" like that have always come across as desperate to me, a huge turn-off. you can be a generous person without being desperate and overzealous. that would weird me out too. listen to your instincts.

bumblebee · Coach

you know, my ex did this to me. after we had been out on like two dates, he was leaving for a group house share trip to jamaica and invited me along. i thought "are you crazy? no way in hell!" but it turned out that he just thought it would be fun to have me along in the group, he's wealthy so it wasn't like the money for the plane ticket meant anything to him, and he was just kind of being spontaneous. so anyway, i think it's right to have your defenses up a little and to check the guy out a LOT, but i think it depends on the situation and it could have the potential to be fine, or creepy. i didn't go on the jamaica trip, but in hindsight i don't think anything would have been different if i had.

honey · Gucci

it's a tough call. i met a guy like this a few years ago. actually my mom tried to set me up with him. anyway in the first conversation he offered to buy a ticket for me to come to atlanta, under the guise of seeing my mom, but he also happens to live in atlanta, so i would have to see him too. it really weirded me out b/c i didn't want to feel obligated to him, and not just in the physical sense. i ended up not accepting the ticket and it was the best thing i did b/c it turns out he had a live-in gf and a kid. not a good situation at all. not that it will turn out that way, but as Dizzy said, we have instincts for a reason. i would just say proceed with caution.