STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

UGH, i'm sorry AJ.  This happened to me with a guy too.  He said he was interested in getting to know me, then suggested getting something to eat at a nearby pasta place.  I said ok.  Then he was like, ok, meet you there in 5 mins?  UGH.  I know it was walking distance and between the two of us, but I like to either be met at my place or picked up by car.  So I was like, ok, this isn't a date, its just two friends getting food.  And that's how I viewed him from there on out.  It didn't even OCCUR to him to offer to pay, he bought his food then waited around waiting for me to order (it is a fast-casual kind of place where you pay first.)  So at that point, I was done with him.  Sounds bad, but I don't care.  He was just not enough of a man for me- turns out he was a huge momma's boy who still slept with his stuffed animals and was scared of vegetables.  So he was like my 12 year old brother basically, but less mature, and the whole thing CREEPED the f*ck out of me.  It was like he just had NO IDEA how to take a girl out, but he would IM me weird things like "I want to know what you taste like."  His favorite band was Weezer, so he was really emo as well.  He worshiped Weezer and had Weezer craft days (making Rivers Cuomo out of popsicle sticks, for example.)  The whole thing was really bizarre and I'm glad those days are over, though it made for great stories.  Poor guy. 

So in short, I'm sure your case is not that extreme, but I find it really odd that he didn't even offer to pay.  If a guy can't afford to take you out to dinner, IMO, he should be really sweet about it, and try to hide it from the girl, and be embarrassed by it, taking you on cute picnics and stuff til you suggest dinner, and then he reveals his sheepish confession.  He should have said he was low on cash if that was the problem- not made you pay.  The whole thing gives me the creeps ( I think it is a LOT due to the case above).  Keep in mind- I have no problem with paying!!  It is just that I like to be treated like a lady, and I will admit that to anyone, no problem.  I am feminist in many regards, but I will never say that I want every gender role to be equal.   I think you should wait it out with the guy, maybe give him a second date if you like him, but if it happens again, I can understand why you would be turned off. 

I agree with the others that he sounds cheap, and would see what happens on another date...if he's still that way, I'd stop dating him. I used to go out with a guy who never left tips, ever, and I couldn't stand it.

I have to say I find this a little odd:

I kind of thought he would just pay for it anyway in spite of the bet, but whateve

This is the kind of behavior / thinking I don't understand. Why would you think he'd pay for it even though you lost the bet? If that were me, I'd be damn sure to pay up, and if it was the other way around, if I were the guy I'd think a bit less of you if you didn't pay.

 

i don't think you're old fashioned.  the way i look at it, girls spend so much money to look nice for a guy (maybe it's just me).  when i started dating my bf, i would often make sure that my hair was highlighted (no roots), i was shaved, waxed, what have you, had a nice outfit, maybe had my toes done, etc...if i wasn't spending money for all this grooming, i was at least spending time....the least they can do is pay for dinner. 

everytime i've dated guys, i've let them pay for dinner and offered to pay for drinks, or cheaper meals like breakfast, or like you did, a movie.  it's one thing for you offer, but for him to ask you to split it?!  in my opinion, i like my men to be a bit more "manly" than that, especially if you two are newly dating. 

i would give him a second chance, maybe he dropped a lot of cash because of the extended weekend or something, but i find that it's difficult to date people who have much different views on spending. 

Nylabelle, water ice costs like what...$2.00?!  that's bad. 

lynnie wrote:

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UGH, i'm sorry AJ.  This happened to me with a guy too.  He said he was interested in getting to know me, then suggested getting something to eat at a nearby pasta place.  I said ok.  Then he was like, ok, meet you there in 5 mins?  UGH.  I know it was walking distance and between the two of us, but I like to either be met at my place or picked up by car.  So I was like, ok, this isn't a date, its just two friends getting food.  And that's how I viewed him from there on out.  It didn't even OCCUR to him to offer to pay, he bought his food then waited around waiting for me to order (it is a fast-casual kind of place where you pay first.)  So at that point, I was done with him.  Sounds bad, but I don't care.  He was just not enough of a man for me- turns out he was a huge momma's boy who still slept with his stuffed animals and was scared of vegetables.  So he was like my 12 year old brother basically, but less mature, and the whole thing CREEPED the f*ck out of me.  It was like he just had NO IDEA how to take a girl out, but he would IM me weird things like "I want to know what you taste like."  His favorite band was Weezer, so he was really emo as well.  He worshiped Weezer and had Weezer craft days (making Rivers Cuomo out of popsicle sticks, for example.)  The whole thing was really bizarre and I'm glad those days are over, though it made for great stories.  Poor guy.  So in short, I'm sure your case is not that extreme, but I find it really odd that he didn't even offer to pay.  If a guy can't afford to take you out to dinner, IMO, he should be really sweet about it, and try to hide it from the girl, and be embarrassed by it, taking you on cute picnics and stuff til you suggest dinner, and then he reveals his sheepish confession.  He should have said he was low on cash if that was the problem- not made you pay.  The whole thing gives me the creeps ( I think it is a LOT due to the case above).  Keep in mind- I have no problem with paying!!  It is just that I like to be treated like a lady, and I will admit that to anyone, no problem.  I am feminist in many regards, but I will never say that I want every gender role to be equal.   I think you should wait it out with the guy, maybe give him a second date if you like him, but if it happens again, I can understand why you would be turned off. 

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Wow!  Good thing you never ended up with this guy!  "I want to know what you taste like?"  That is a really weird thing for someone to say unless they know you VERY intimately.  I would be freaked out by that alone.

Okay, I think I'm going to part ways with the crowd a little bit here. But before I do, let me first say I find generosity to be a huge turn-on and cheap bastards to be a huge turn-off. BUT I don't think money has anything at all to do with respect. If you think about it, it's fair to pay for our half of the date. Why should guys be expected to pay, even at the beginning? It doesn't really make any sense. A date is supposed to be an evening of entertainment. We'd never think of expecting our girlfriends to pay for dinner if they asked us to come out with them, would we?

Having said all that, I expect a guy to pay on the first date (only) if he asks me out. If it's a mutual get-together then I'll pony up accordingly. And vice-versa. Of course I always offer to pay on the first date but I don't mean it. (I mean it in that I have the money to pay but not in a truly sincere, "I want to help pay for the evening" type way. Unless it's really bad. Then I insist on it.)

So, in long , I think it's in bad form for him to ask you to pay for half of the check, but (and don't hate me!) but I kinda think it's in bad form not to offer to pay for half of the check too. Even though you'd paid for the movie, because that was a bet and really shouldn't count. My ideal, however, would have been for me to pay for the movie and him to have said, "no, let me (after I offered to help pay for dinner) since you got the movie." That would have been impressive and probably made me like him more, if it was me.

I'd give him another shot, like the other girls say, but if he continued to be cheap, I couldn't help but be turned-off by him. And if you don't like a guy, you certainly shouldn't waste your time seeing him!

AJ - hope all this came across in the right way!!

i don't count the bet as a real bet either, after all he's a way better pool player than you (and he knew it!)!  and treating him like a friend won't work because friends don't make out.  so i think here's the way to go:  treat him like a fling.  a person you have a good time w/ but really don't expect anything from.  be nice, cordial, friendly when he contacts you and when you're hanging out w/ him but don't give him a second thought (easier said than done, i know) when you're not w/ him.  that way he'll naturally be in the position to have to make a move.  good luck and keep us updated!

I once stopped dating a guy because on our first "real" date (we hung out together at bars a lot & he bought my drinks, etc) he called & asked me to go eat - I told him I needed multiple choice. Usually I say this so I can figure out what they are thinking $$ wise so I'm not a prima donna asking to go to the best restaurant in town, you know what i mean. But we ended up at Jason's Deli. Ok, I let it slide. Second date he used a coupon. This guy left his 401K statement out on his counter one day & I saw it - he was early 30s & had over $150,000 in there - HELLO - he didn't need to use a coupon while he is "courting" me - later is fine, but I took it as a sign of things to come. Of course, I guess that's why he had so much saved, but it made me feel that he thought I wasn't worth the extra entree, if you know what I mean!!!!!!!!

This story is what prompted my dating book idea.....

So I may not be the best one to ask, but I think you know what I would do.

n/m

 

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 23:40, 2006-01-28

I agree, I think it's just a sign that he's cheap. Which is annoying enough if you are just friends, but um, from one who's been there: STAY AWAY. This type has MAJOR issues. And it will get really old, really fast. If he can't share his toys when you haven't even slept with him, what is he going to try to get away with when he thinks he has you?