STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ico · Dooney & Bourke

Need opinions...

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

In short, yeah, I'd be bothered.
Let me say this...if it was the two of them and a group of other people I might not be, but just the two of them...that seems likes a date.

ico · Dooney & Bourke

leah_leanna wrote:

Let me say this...if it was the two of them and a group of other people I might not be, but just the two of them...that seems likes a date.

Same thing here: if it were more people, I'd have been ok.

ico · Dooney & Bourke

I am so sick I picked the wrong thread - I wanted to go to "relationsips"

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

I think it shows a SERIOUS lack of respect for your feelings and I would be very concerned about keeping a long term relationship with this person. I would think long and hard about continuing it, especially in light of you expressing your feelings and him not caring and doing it anyway. For me, it would be time to consider a break. I don't consider this lightly, but this kind of behavior won't necessarily get better. Goodness, I sound harsh, but life it to short to settle and no one deserves to be treated like that.

Boots · Gucci

I think the problem of course isn't jealousy, but a lack of his understanding what you were feeling regarding his outing. I think you were saying "I'm not comfortable with this situation and I feel disrespected by your actions." and he was hearing "I don't trust you." And that just put him on the defensive.

I'd wait until I was calmed down about it and speak with him. When you're mad, things can get out of hand and both of you might say things you don't really mean. I'd clearly explain exactly how his actions made me feel (ie. a lack of respect for my feelings or an uncertainty about how he views the relationship.)

You should ask him how he'd feel if you went to concert alone with a male co-worker. I'm betting once he sees that you weren't accusing him of cheating but just reacting to something that felt like a lack of respect to you and your relationship, he will get why you are upset.

Also, boys are stupid.

And I say this because if you can't come to a girlfriend who will say this when your SO screws up, who can you go to?

Kelly · Hermes

I think it's very dependent on the situation - I'm trying to think of how I would react if this was my BF. He has a few single woman friends at work and if he went to a concert with them, I might think it's a little weird but I don't really think I would be mad. If it's not a trust issue, then I don't see what the huge problem is. This is, assuming, that you don't think there's any fishy intentions on either side, and that she isn't someone he tries to "hide" from you otherwise. And I think it's important to remember that it's not like they were going to a bar, where they could have invited you or a bunch of other people along. She had one extra ticket. There was only room for one person to go with her. So that's my answer to the question: on the whole, if everything seems innocent otherwise, no this would not bother me.

But I think the point here is more that it's not *Kelly* in this relationship, it is *ico*. And Ico isn't OK with it. What happened when you told him you didn't like the idea? Did he just brush it off or did you guys discuss it? I know you said that you would never go out with a male colleague like this so you don't think he should go out with a woman, but if you never told him this then he couldn't have been expected to know. And by the time you told him that you didn't want him to go, he had already promised to be there. So I think you're going to have to have a conversation about what you two expect from each other. But I think you'll have to have a plan on how to explain to him how this isn't you being jealous, because coming from the other side he might not see the reasoning for why a non-jealous SO would care about this.

ico · Dooney & Bourke

I think you are all right:
he took me being upset as a sign that I was jealous and I didn't trust him, while my point is that I thought he shouldn't do something that bothers me.
We should probably try to sort this out and may be I should explain my reasons better...

Domino13 · Nine West

Do NOT let him make this seem like your problem. If you are in a committed relationship with him, he should never have considered going to a concert with another woman. PERIOD. It is disrespectful of your relationship, and of you. And, it sends the wrong message to that woman and anyone else who sees them together. I can think of very few situations where it would be appropriate for a man in a committed relationship to go to any sort event with a woman other than his partner. Call me old fashioned.

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

ico wrote:

I think you are all right:
he took me being upset as a sign that I was jealous and I didn't trust him, while my point is that I thought he shouldn't do something that bothers me.
We should probably try to sort this out and may be I should explain my reasons better...

You know best, since you are in the relationship. For me, its a little weird that he offered to to with the girl, rather than just accepting an invite. I think people in relationships think about stuff like this first. I do know that guys who are liars, will try to throw the blame on the other people (ie: you are just jealous) rather than admit to something else that may be going on. Go with your gut and see how he reacts when you explain your feelings.

Suasoria · Chanel

Honestly it wouldn't bother me in the least unless I thought the woman had the wrong intentions. Just a few weekends ago my husband went to an event with a woman we only know a little bit. I had no interest in going, he did, she was going by herself, they went together - no big whoop. I was glad he had someone to keep him company.

But as Kelly said, how I'd feel about it is irrelevant - you told him it bothered you and he went anyway. You told him if the situation was reversed you would not have made the same choice, so I suppose it's important to figure out why you have these differing views. I think Boots is right that it's a conversation you need to have without emotion and judgment - more like you're curious about why you have these different opinions.

Also you may need to ask yourself why it bothers you, if it's not about jealousy. Do you trust him, do you feel he's committed to you, what's going on that makes this a big deal.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I am curious about the concert... was it a band he really likes?

I know it sounds silly but I feel like if my BF was given the opportunity to attend a concert with some chick, sure he'd go, with the intentions of just seeing the band. If he didn't like the band/didn't know them then his intentions were to be a companion to the chick.

Either way it could be a lot more innocent than you think, but it can flirt with danger in the future. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

bliss · Dooney & Bourke

i, personally, would not feel bothered by the situation. i'd do the same if the roles were reversed and a colleague invited me out- i'd also not be bothered if my BF chose to do the same. my relationship is a bit different, oddly enough i have had men send me drinks while with my BF at the bar and he doesn't mind and i thank the guys and say hello. BUT you should always trust your instinct. if you get the feeling something is wrong- go with your feeling. i can certainly understand feeling slighted in that you expressed your concerns and he did not seem overly impacted by them. now THAT would tick me off, lol. it will all be ok i am sure, keep your head up sweetie! :)