STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lynnie · Chanel

does anyone ever feel...

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

lynnie, you're graduating college right? or close to graduating? trust me, these feelings are verrry common and probably everyone you know is going through some kind of identity crisis. in fact everyone I know (and I and my friends are in our mid to late 20s) is going through it. because the fact of the matter is--we haven't fully figured out who we ARE yet, it's all a process and reallly one that's just beginning.

i think what you need to do is take a leap, any leap. and if it works out, awesome and if not, oh well. when i graduated from college, i took "a year off" (before law school) and worked at a major talent agency w/ aspiring actress dreams dancing in my head. now, am i an actress today? hardly. but that year off was one of the best things i ever did for myself.

also, don't be afraid to grow up--getting married, getting a job--these things shouldn't be feared and they don't mean you're selling out, life's a process, there's no right or wrong. but don't let indecisiveness paralyze you. get out there and LIVE, lynnie--it's waiting for you.

oh here's a quote i love that might be apropros:

Success is having the courage, the determination and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.

Good luck and you can do it!

kenzie · Chanel

I feel like this sometimes, too. And sometimes a leap of faith is just what you need.

Case in point: I certainly felt like I was stagnating at my old job. I flipped out last summer when I turned 25 (some of you may remember this) and still didn't have a job that wasn't retail. So, when summer started creeping up on me again this year, I started to panic. I just *could not fathom* another birthday, another year stuck in retail hell. So, I quit. I threw caution to the wind, got the hell out of that place without another job lined up, starting going full steam ahead to find a job that didn't suck and also worked like crazy on my jewelry design. And you know what? Everything turned out okay. I found a job, my jewelry design business is growing and I feel like I'm moving forward for the first time in two years. Some people thought I was nuts to quit my job without another lined up, but it's what got my a$$ into gear to get another job that didn't drain the life out of me.

That said, I still feel (and know) that there is so much more out there for me to experience. I know that I don't want to live here in PA forever. I'm still debating Cali, but I'm more strongly considering moving south to Charleston at some point in the not-to-distant (meaning a few years) future. But, one step at a time, right?

But, lynnie, you definitely are not alone in your feelings and I second everything that esquiress said. Good luck!!

Mandy · Kate Spade

i totally know how you feel. i feel like some people make these great adventurous things happen but i can't. a good friend of mine has worked in scotland on a strawberry farm and in alaska as a fisherman. now, im not saying i want to be a farmer or a fisherman, but i envy the way that he can just go somewhere and somehow find his niche. the older i get the more i'm stuck in "adulthood". I want to throw caution to the wind and see what happens but the "responsible" voice in my head is too loud. growing up sucks.

jess · Kenneth Cole

Esquiress- You should write greeting cards! No, but seriously you always have such great advice put so eloquently.

Lynnie- Ive been feeling the same way for awhile now. I feel like Im stuck, Im 24 & I live at home & Im just now finishing college in the Fall. Out of high school, I decided that I wanted to work full-time & go to school part-time. After two years of going really nowhere, I decided to move back home & go to school full-time. I guess its the fact that all my close friends have graduated & are out pursuing their careers, & Im still stuck at home in school. Now I know I only have a little longer, but I cant help but feel that i want to move & experience new people. This probably also has alot to do with my "recent" (not so recent- 1 1/2 yrs. ago) breakup with the ex. I guess I didnt feel ansy in that relationship about me being in school & living at home- b/c I was really never at home. Anyway, he's dating someone, & I keep meeting people who Im just not interested in or vice versa. Its very frustrating. Some days, Im like "I just want to move away," & honestly Im not even sure that it matters where. Im really bored right now with everything. Its like I meet the same type of people, we go to the same type of places, & its just a cycle. IM BORED!!

Enough about me, just wanted to know that you arent alone in bordem! Take care, keep us posted.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

lynnie, i've felt like this at times too. i second what esquiress told you, and will add some of my own thoughts as well. i'm 28 now and last summer suddenly felt paralyzed with this feeling that my life was going nowhere, or to be more specific, nowhere i was really happy about. (incidentally, part of this feeling was touched off by seeing "garden state" for the first time.) i had good friends, a decent job with a pretty nice paycheck, but wasn't doing anything i actually loved. i regretted not taking a year off after college or ever doing anything really crazy. in school i'd always been responsible about getting internships and building my resume, which was definitely helpful when it came time to find a job after graduation, but honestly -- i would have turned out okay if i'd allowed myself to be a little more relaxed about those things. i just kept moving forward because i felt like i had to. it's important to take a little time and try something, anything, especially if it scares you a little!

but the good news: after feeling this way last summer i decided to make some changes and take some chances, and i am worlds happier about the way my life is going. i am doing things i find interesting and challenging.

lynnie, can you do something small to start making some changes? like take a class or join some kind of club? small things can turn into big ones and before you know it, the stagnant feeling disappears. as for your boyfriend, it sounds as though you need some time to just be you on your own and not part of a unit. i'm not saying you should break up with him -- but perhaps you could just take some time on your own to try life your way, without anyone else's input.

you can do it -- you can make the changes that will make life colorful for you again!

blubirde · Chanel

oh lynnie i have been there! sometimes i'm still there. my philosophy prof friend calls it existential malaise. whatever - it's boredom, pure and simple.

i want to live france for a year too! i want to move to nyc. i want to go skydiving right this second. i want to make love in a vineyard in california (tmi?). i want to see one of my paintings hung in a gallery. i want to be quoted. there are all kinds of things i want to do. i only planned on getting as far as i am. does that make sense? i planned on and worked for college, law school, and a career. i'm here. now what? it's not nearly as satisfying as i thought it would be. i'm bored. i wonder if moving away and starting over would change things for me, too. but the thing is moving would just give me something to do temporarily, not necessarily spur me to do the things i want to do.

i realized i was fundamentally bored about this time last summer. so i started saving for my trip to paris. (i'm going next spring.) i went to nyc for a vacation. i started taking art lessons (and my first two paintings will be on display this friday!) again. i'm going to the wine country in cali this summer to visit a friend (and while the sex is out of the question with him, at least i'll know where to go next time). i don't know if i'll ever get to live in france or nyc but maybe that would ruin some of their thrill for me, who knows? but i sure as hell am going to visit as often as i can.

i agree with esquiress. just go out there and try something new. it's completely okay to not know what's going on with you. i'd feel weird if i thought i had everything all figured out. where's the fun in that? no room for growth then. take a class, try out for a play, learn to play a musical instrument. there are all kinds of things out there that are new and interesting that don't necessarily require a change of scenery or a major life change. hang in there, you can do it.

here's the advice i took when i go through bouts of this kind of depression: do something that scares you every day, accept invitations you wouldn't normally accept (if someone asks you to do something that you would normally say no to for whatever reason or you see a party invite out there you wouldn't normally go to, give it a go. there's a whole world of people and experiences out there for you to meet and have.), and do something just for yourself once a week (mani, pedi, facial, shopping, bubble bath, whatever).

theotherjess · Chanel

Umm, did I write this? Look up the lyrics to Josh Gracin "I want to live". It will become your anthem.

fashionista L · Coach

I feel absolutely the same way!! I am ina going nowhere job in property management. I live with my boyfriend who never wants to do anything but fish and lay around and I just feel so trapped sometimes, I haven't gone to school for about a year and I'm beginning to feel like a dropout loser!! I know what Ineed to do it is just so hard, I ma stuck in arut I am afraid to get out of!! Ahh sorry for my rant, but believe me as you can see from everyone's posts this is not an uncommon feeling!!

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I could have written every word of that. Sucks, doesn't it?

What actually been helping me with this a little is a lot of self reflection. Is it that my life is stagnant or is it that I am unhappy with the person that I am? And if it's that I'm unhappy with myself, what can I do to change that?

And yeah, maybe you can't just up and move to Paris for 6 months...but you could go for a month, or a week. Last summer I actually spent a month in Belgium studying the EU. Then, since I was already in Europe I travelled for about 3 weeks. I left FH at home ,and it was the firat time that I really spent a significant amount of time alone and without anyone that I knew or any easy way to be brought back to my comfort zone. I leanred SO much about myself and about life that summer...there were situations that I was in where I had no idea what to do (ie. being followed by a strange man in a country where noone spoke my language) but I still managed to pull through. And even though I loved every minute of it and miss that summer dreadfully, I was SO happy to go home and it made me appreciate the life I have here so much more. Maybe something like that would be good for you too- just go somewhere different for a bit- even just a week or two- and push your limits...

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

Lynnie,

YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE. I was 23 working 10-12 hrs a t a job i hated, living with my LT BF in a stressful relationship, and feeling like i had let the whole world by me. I didn't take the grad trip to Europe or Asia w/my friends (BF wouldn't approve), didn't get to study abroad (too expensive), didn't even get to go to NYU like I wanted (parents wouldn't allow it). So basically I felt like I had done everything everyone around me had wanted, and nopthing for myself.

i finally decided to evaluate what i really enjoyed (fashion and decorating) i decided to quit my job and go back to school w/out the support of my parents. I put myself in major debt (to which I still feel like a bottomless pit in my stomach) and went to fashion school for a new career. I started my own business and learned about what I loved.

i wish i could tell you it was "happily ever after"but i can't. things are still hard everyday. This year has been super super tough on me. it was hard finding a job after finishing, and facing the fact of loan repayment, a stressful relationship, and not enough $$ to get my business off and running.

but at least i have hope, and not stillstuck at the job i hated. i would love to just up and move to new cities and take more risk. i have committed myself though to having 2 dogs, a LTR, school loans, and car payments.

i know this isn't an answer, but glad to know there are many others like the way we feel. my friends and i call it the "quarter-life crisis". not knowing where our life is going or if that's even where we want to go. if you can allow yourself the time to experience what you want, then i say go for it!