STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

I think I may be in t-r-o-u-b-l-e (long)

luckylily · Gucci

I don't necessarily think the fact that he's divorced and has kids is a bad thing. I'm not sure how old you are, but I think that when you are single, you eventually get to an age that some of the available men in your age group may have a kid or are divorced. It kind of depends who you are and how you will handle that stuff. If the relationship would grow to something more serious, you'd have to start thinking about what kind of relationship you'd want with his kids and if you would be jealous of his relationship w/ his ex wife, which he will have since they have kids together.

Personally, I don't enjoy being around children and don't want any of my own, so I would never have considered a man with children. I would have probably blown them off right away before I had a chance to get emotional.

If you like kids tho, I'd probably give it a chance. See how things develop over the next few weeks.

You sound really into him right now. I believe that you sometimes have to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt in order to find a great love.

lynnie · Chanel

I think you should risk getting hurt. You will regret it if you don't see where this goes. It might fizzle out quickly or it could be the "love of your life". Hehe, I feel like such a nerd even typing that, but you know what I mean.

JackieO527 · Dooney & Bourke

You say he was married for 10 years and he is only 30, which means he got married when he was 20, and they were probably too young. Do you know why they got divorced? They might have out grown each other. When you are 20 you are a completely different person then when you are 30. I'm only 23 and I know that I have changed alot in the last 3 years. My goals have changed, what I want out of life has changed. So being divorced, and having kids might not be such a bad thing. Is he a good father? That is one thing to look at. Entering into a relationship with a man who has kids is different. You have to be prepared to be second behind them all of the time. If you like him get to know him better. You never know.

-- Edited by JackieO527 at 22:10, 2005-06-18

blubirde · Chanel

To answer y'all's questions:

luckylilly - I'm like you. I'm not a kid person either. That's why I didn't actually consider this guy. He was a cool myspace friend but I wasn't interested at all. But somehow last night he won me over... weird considering at the beginning of the night he was not an option at all. Oh, and I'm 26 and he's 30.

lynnie - admittedly I think that's what I wanted to hear when I wrote this. But when I saw your response and thought about "risking it" I got super scared and nervous. What a dope am I?

jackie0527 - I don't know why they got divorced. He mentioned the ex in passing a couple of times when we were talking last night and I told him right away I wasn't interested in hearing any of the details or anything mean. He didn't say anything like that, of course, but I let him knows straight away I wasn't up for hearing stories or anything. And I guess he's a good father. I've never seen him in action. Today he was taking them on a scavenger hunt and he was pretty excited about it. He talked about them a bit but, again, I felt weird knowing that kind of information.

God. I feel so silly! I've been like a nervous teenager all day long! I'm soooooo not used to not feeling in control.

Andrea Julia · Coach

I would proceed, but with caution. If you guys end up falling in love, you will make it work.

I would be like you. I would try not to get involved if possible with a divorced man with kids, but if I were put into the situation where I was hanging out with him and liked him, I think I wouldn't be able to help wanting to see where things would go.

Give it a try and if you hate it, you can break things off.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

If you aren't willing to "take a risk" then you'll never know what life has in store for you. There is always the potential of disappointment or hurt, but that's what makes it so much sweeter when it works out. Let us know how it goes

ShanKel · Kenneth Cole

FashionPrincess wrote:

If you aren't willing to "take a risk" then you'll never know what life has in store for you. There is always the potential of disappointment or hurt, but that's what makes it so much sweeter when it works out. Let us know how it goes

I agree. You wouldnt want to miss out on the possibility of finding "true love" just because he has a past.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

i think this is worth the risk. you say no one has made you feel this way in a long time, so you know how special and rare this feeling is. when this happens, i think it is worth putting your heart on the line. i am sure i'd also be nervous about dating a divorced man with children, but jackie brings up a good point -- he and his ex could have just out-grown each other. in a way, this could turn out to be a positive thing. he must have done a lot of thinking and soul searching as his marriage was ending, and he's faced up to his mistakes and dealt with them. i think that's pretty admirable and says good things about him. his having an ex wife and children does make this more complicated, but it can work. for example, when my uncle first met his wife, she was divorced with a little boy. after they got married, it took her son a while to feel comfortable with us all, but they are such a happy family now and he even feels closer to his step-dad than to his real father. not to make you think about marriage already, but just a story about how this can turn out well! good luck, and it might make you more comfortable to take it slow!

blubirde · Chanel

thanks girls for all your advice. I really appreciate it. I don't know what's going to happen but I think that's best. I've decided that y'all are right. It's weird and it's not ideal and I have no idea if it will work out or not but I'm a risktaker in everything else I do, so why not this? Worst case scenario is that I end up a huge mess. And as much as that would suck maybe it's better than being in the constant state of apathy I carry around with most boys. Maybe it's worth hanging out and seeing what happens.

Besides we talked last night on the phone and I acted like such a fool. (This is how I know I like him more than the average bear because usually I'm very in control of myself in those situations.) Another clue I may like him is that he called me "darlin'" and not only didn't I puke but I actually grinned and repeated it in my head the rest of the night. And while that will not work in the long run (I hate pet names like that) the fact that I liked it is probably one of the biggest indicators. Honestly, I feel like such an idiot when it comes to this guy. What is it Bridget says when Darcy comes downstairs to tell her he likes her just as she is? Something about he needn't bother trying to make her feel like an idiot because she already feels like one most of the time anyway? Yeah, that's me lately. I guess I'm okay with that.

splash · Kenneth Cole

Sounds like you've already made a decision, but I just wanted to say I agree - he sounds like a great guy, and if you two click so well, definitely take a chance with it! The only thing that bugs me is that he seems soo sweet and affectionate, which could mean that he's a flirt, not a sincere or safe person to be with. But I can't tell from what you've said whether that's the case - I'm just trying to be overly critical, just in case.