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Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

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Invitation etiquette question
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A friend from college has recently had a baby. She lives in Japan, but she and her husband will be in NYC around the beginning of November for training for their jobs. I mentioned to her that I'd like to invite her and her husband to our wedding. However, FH and I are not inviting any children to the wedding. So, if my friend and her husband are in town around the end of Oct., can I invite them to the wedding but not have them bring their baby? Should I just not invite them and make up some 'we don't have the space' issue? It's not definite that they'll be in NYC at the end of Oct., so it may be a non-issue, but if they are in NYC and have the baby, how do I invite them and not their baby? Can I even do that? I really don't want to make an exception for them b/c that will incite all sorts of resentment on the part of both my relatives as well as FH's relatives at not being allowed to bring their children. And my relatives are not tactful people, so I'm sure something would get said to me, my mother, etc. about the (seeming) double standard.
Any advice?

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Luv2Shop


Kate Spade

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I know you have a lot going on and you don't need one more thing on your list, but if you can, arrange for a babysitter for them. Someone you know and trust, but is not coming to the wedding. Then when you invite them, you can let them know how much you care about them possibly being there, but that you are still sticking to your rules. If you can't do that, just make sure your rules are strictly advised when you invite them, and if they really want to come, they will find a way.
Good luck.

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Cricket


Gucci

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I agree w/ luv2shop. If you could find them a good sitter, that would probably mean a lot to them. Some friends of mine got married in Germany a couple of years ago, and they found us a sitter for our 2 young girls. It meant so much to me! I knew she had a lot to do, so she gave me her friend's phone number and I took over from there. She didn't have anything else to do w/ it and that's the way I wanted it. Everything worked out great!

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Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

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hmmm... honestly, I don't know any good babysitters. I don't know anyone with children either, so I can't go ask for a recommendation. What I'll probably end up doing is casually mentioning in an email how we've had to limit the guest list to accomodate the place the reception is being held, which included not inviting the children of our friends. I think her job provides childcare, so maybe she can utilize that, though that may not be an option outside office hours. The college we went to has a babysitting service (college students responded to listings placed by ppl looking for babysitters), so maybe that's an option.


Thanks for your help. Please keep the advice coming!



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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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I dont think you can possibly tell them that they cant bring their child when they normally live outside the country. I agree about finding a babysitter for them. I think it is rude to expect them to find their own childcare 1) for a very small child  2) when they are traveling so far from their current home.



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Bastet


Kate Spade

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I think that if you are enforcing the "no children" policy for your and FH's relatives, that you can't allow your friend to bring the baby, even if it makes sense that they can't find a sitter since they live in another country.  Relatives often don't see the logic in things like that and will just get pissy. So, if you can't find a sitter for their baby before you extend the invitation, I would say not to invite them at all.  It sounds mean, but you said your relatives aren't the most tactful people in the world, and if they have babies that they couldnt bring, but wanted to, you might never live it down. 


I think there are rent-a-nanny businesses that specialize in this sort of thing, but I have no kids so I don't know how to find them. 



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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hey starstuff, as you know i have no kids but here's an idea: many hotels offer baby-sitting services.  if your friend and her husband comes, they could stay in a hotel that has that.  since your wedding is a "no kids" wedding, i think it's fine to ask them to not bring their baby, but it makes it easier to ask that if you also have information on hotels with baby-sitters or a baby-sitter they could hire.


another idea: the church where you're getting married should be able to help with this.  i believe they even have a nursery school there...



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