STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

fairywings · Dooney & Bourke

Please give me some perspective

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

Do you think that being in a frat will give him more opportunities to potentially cheat on you? B/c I can understand wanting to join a frat for the social aspects. Maybe it's not the frat aspect itself that is bothering you, but instead that he is trying something new? Would you feel differently if he were joining a sport? I can see how being in a frat might take up more of his time, but if you've been happy with your relationship with him for the past 2+ years, maybe there's nothing to worry about? Maybe some of the guys he will hang out will be bad influences, but if he has discipline enough to do ROTC, then I think you're probably safe.

Kelly · Hermes

I think the greek system has a reputation sometimes of being full of slutty girls and crazy drunk guys trying to get with them. Is that what you're afraid of - that he'll be more immature or something?

I think it really depends on the fraternity itself. I mean, some sororities are full of slutty girls and some fraternities are full of guys who are trying to get with them. But there are also fraternities and sororities that do a lot of great things for the community, pull in high grades, and support each other without doing a lot of the dumb/immature stuff. I assume you don't really have a problem with whoever he hangs out with now, and if a lot of his air force buddies are in this frat, then I'm guessing the frat as a whole is a lot like them - whatever they're like.

And if he wanted to be a stupid, goalless, drunken man-slut, he will become that with or without the frat. And if that's not who he is, I don't think he'd join, enjoy, or be influenced by a fraternity that is that.

fairywings · Dooney & Bourke

Thank you, both of you. I knew I was overreacting a bit. Satrstuff- you are right, I guess that I am more worried that he is doing something new and different more than anything. I am so used to him being one way, that a part of me is scared that he might change. And Kelly- you speak the truth; if he's going to do something bad, he's going to do it with or without a frat. And it's true...he wouldn't enjoy/choose to be around people who stand for things that he doesn't. I just don't want him to change or have these frat guys influence him. But I guess I will wait and see...I've never been good about accepting change, so this is no different. Thanks for the advice ladies.

blink · Coach

I know of 6 married couples in their mid-30's who sustained their relationships that began ranging from HS to around freshman year of college. 5 out of 6 of them endured both cheating (from the guys, not the girls) and break up periods in between during those Greek years. It isn't easy to stay in a committed relationship, there is tremendous pressure to act single. Depends on the culture of the frat itself as well as the discipline and commitment from your boyfriend.