STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

crystal · Kate Spade

Shameless Pity Ploy

shopgirl82 · Chanel

I don't have any words of wisdom really except to say that I'm sorry he did that to you. This guy wasn't ready for anything and being the pollyanna that I am, at least he had the gonads to tell you to your face instead of dragging it on till the fall when he was in school...

All I kept on thinking as I read your post is that scene from SATC where Charlotte goes to that seminar and she gets up in front of everyone and says that she wants to believe in love and that she's doing what she's supposed too, but she finds it hard, etc...

That's what I imagine that you're going through, but remember, she does meet the love of her life shortly after(or maybe this breakup will allow you and your cousin to open the lines of communication again). I just feel like something good will come out of this whole thing. I don't know if that helped you, but maybe some SATC would be good for you right now?!

Once again, I'm really sorry that it happened to you, but just believe that something good will happen to you....

Andrea Julia · Coach

Crystal, I'm so sorry!

This guy is stupid to give you up to sleep with random girls at college. I wish there were some words of wisdom I could offer you, but all I can say is I know how it feels and right now there is probably not much anyone can do or say to make things much better. I also understand how sometimes the embarrassment of having to tell people and of looking back at things you said or did around him before you realized he was thinking of breaking up can be almost as painful as the break-up itself . There will soon come a day when you realize you have not even thought about him in weeks, but until then and to help you reach that point, spend time with people who care about you and maybe take up a new hobby.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Crystal that is so, so tough, I am so sorry! Just imagining how bad you must feel is making me wince. I have no words of wisdom hon, but I am sending you good thoughts!

I can't believe he left you a note, further explaining himself. I would feel the same as you--after the words "I think we should break up," I wouldn't be interested in hearing anything else he has to say because the fact is he's dumping me. How unnecessarily hurtful of him!

-- Edited by sephorablue at 20:03, 2005-05-22

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

crystal sweetie, all i can say is you are in very very good company...something like this recently happened to a friend of mine, M. M is one of the most beautiful, smart, kind-hearted people i've ever known. M is the girl who in college, would go to the atm, take out her last twenty, go to in-n-out, buy a meal, and give it to a homeless man so he would have dinner that night (we went to ucla and there are quite a few homeless people around westwood). anyway, in college M fell in love w/ and got her heart shredded by this guy (MZ), they tried giving it another chance later, about two years ago, but it still didn't work out. anyway that's all back story.

enter JD who she met through work, they were dating for a few months, from about Nov./Dec. 2004 to the end of February 2005. JD seemed to have a couple of pretty major personal issues but by all accounts, he seemed like a pretty decent guy (i never met him personally). He was many things MZ was not, he wouldn't withhold the way MZ would about certain things and M was very hopeful. For NYE, they went to NYC w/ some of M's friends and seemed to have a really good time. That's when they slept together for the first time. JD had been wanting to for a while, M had doubts but decided to take a leap of faith and go ahead. Fast forward to Valentine's Day. She was so looking forward to it but at the same time was really insecure about where she stood with JD. It didn't go great, he was weirdly withdrawn but acknowledged and apologized for it the next day. Then on Feb. 28, he called and here are the highlights of their convo:

JD: "You're so great but I just don't find myself falling in love with you and I feel like it should've happened by now."

M: "How long have you been feeling this way?

JD: "About a month"

M: "If you weren't sure why'd you sleep with me? esp. when you knew how serious that step was for me?"

JD: "Because in life you have to take chances."

When I heard this story, I didn't know whether to strangle him for being such a heartless a**hole or thank him for at least coming clean and not leading her on.

I can't lie and say I didn't see this coming and as a friend, you can only warn so much but a couple of warning bells in M's situation was that JD wouldn't commit to being her bf, communicated via email when picking up the phone would've been much easier and in general, M was the one doing all the compromising. Again, this all happened a few months ago and while M is better now, sometimes she gets really quiet or says cynical things that make my heart hurt for her.

Whatever, the only tangible point of this story for you is that sometimes in love and life, you're just dealt a really sh*tty hand and all you can do is take comfort in knowing you're not alone and try your best to learn from it.

(((((((((((extra-long super-tight hug))))))))))))))

honey · Gucci

(((hugs))) i don't have any words of advice, but i'm really sorry. i'm sending good vibes your way.

crystal · Kate Spade

thank you girls, all of you, so much. and to those who prefaced their responses with "i have no words of wisdom", the words that followed were very wise (and comforting). this was exactly what i needed & i already feel a lot better.

lynnie · Chanel

I have been in your boat before, and all I can say is, if they don't want to be with you, then they're not the right guy for you, no matter how nice/funny/cute/smart/well-mannered they are. Unfortunately, two people don't always meet when they're both ready to commit. Love is never perfectly timed. Sometimes though, you're both so in love and ready to commit that you can make that promise. In all honesty, if I broke up with my bf, I wouldn't be ready to be committed to a guy for a long time, and it would have to feel 100% right. Even if I was dating a perfectly cute and nice guy, I'd end it if I felt like I wasn't ready for it to go further. It just has to all be there sometimes. So, its true in the sense that if it doesn't feel right after a few months, it's time to move on. You do not need to waste your time with that. When they say, it's not you, it's me, there is some truth there. He's just not ready. You are lovely- go out and have fun and things will work themselves out.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Crystal honey - that sucks so much! I don't have any advice, but everyone else had some really good things to say, so I hope they helped you at least a little bit - big hugs!

sage · Dooney & Bourke

crystal, just wanted you to know I am sending good thoughts your way. Please don't feel bad about believing and hoping and feeling good about the relationship. That is what we all want!! I just hope this experience doesnt color all your other relationships. Remember, if you let it do that, the bad guys win!!

shopgirl82 · Chanel

wise words...ready for them? can you handle them?? RETAIL THERAPY!!! i hope you are better today than you were the other day.

crystal · Kate Spade

quote:
Originally posted by: shopgirl82
" wise words...ready for them? can you handle them?? RETAIL THERAPY!!! i hope you are better today than you were the other day. "

ah, the wisest words of all! i actually spent over a hundred dollars on myself this weekend (doesn't sound like much but i'm supposedly on a spending freeze so it was a lot to me). i treated myself to sushi dinner that night, then i got two shirts saturday & let myself go hog wild grocery shopping (only got healthy stuff tho cuz now i have more time to cook & eat right). it's amazing how much better spending money makes u feel! just thinking about my awesome shirts & where i'm gonna wear them (which is to all the hot clubs now that i can go out & party w/ my single friends) makes me happy!

blubirde · Chanel

Oh man Crystal, guys are jerks aren't they? I don't buy the whole "he could have held on until fall" logic. That's like saying I only killed 5 people but I could have killed 20, so you should be happy 15 lives were saved. Yeah, I am and all, but what about the 5 that are still dead?

He should have told you what was up as soon as he knew it. It's really shitty of him to wait a month and then to tell you he waited a month. What a jerk. It's true he didn't pull the passive/aggressive boy crap that a lot of boys do to get you to break up with them but just because he chose the lesser of two evils doesn't mean it still wasn't evil, ya know?

I'm so sorry this happened to you! You are seriously such a nice person and I can't believe anyone would purposely hurt you in this way. (I can because of the aforementioned guys are jerks comment but I don't want to.)

As for your cousin, she was still out of line, even if she did end up being right. And if you both love each other, y'all will make up - no doubt about it.

We all get taken sometimes and get our hearts trampled on. It sucks and it's hard but I think that's what makes the end result of love so much more rewarding. If we didn't know how much it could suck, then we wouldn't appreciate the good stuff nearly as much.

Hit the myspace circuit, girl!