STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I need to rant about this somewhere and don't want to rock the boat in my family.  I'm sorry if this is long.  My youngest brother's fiance is having a wedding shower on July 19th and is being given by the bride's mother's best friend (whose daughter is a bridesmaid.)  At no time were the other bridesmaids (there are 8 of us total) consulted on anything for the shower, although I asked her numerous times what I could do to help.  My brother and FSIL think that this woman is throwing the shower completely on her own and are very grateful for all of her work.  Well, this week, a whole 2 weeks before the shower, I have started to get a series of emails regarding it that are making me furious. 

The first email was from the daughter/bridesmaid who asked me how the collection of recipes was going.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  Apparently a month ago the bride's mom was supposed to tell me to collect recipes from the guests so that the daughter could put together a booklet for the bride.  The mom never mentioned it to me, although I see her almost once a week and spent all last weekend with her.  It was like pulling teeth to get a list of the invites from these people.  Once I did I started frantically emailing and writing the guests to try to make this happen. I told them I would take care of the groom's side but someone else will have to do the bride's.  I think this was fair considering the circumstances.  Well, apparently this was annoying to the bride's side of the family, but they grudgingly agreed.  I'm ticked off that I have to do all the leg work for someone else to take all the credit for the gift because it will be presented to the bride as a gift from the shower's host to her. 

Today I get an email from the bride's sister who is also the maid of honor, telling me that all of the bridesmaids are supposed to split the costs of this shower.  What?  I have had no say in any of the planning, from the date to the location (which is at this woman's house about 1 hour outside the city in which most of us in the wedding live in) to any of the actually shower activities.  The invites don't say that it's being hosted by the bridesmaids, just by this woman.  And from the bits of planning that I hear from the bride, it's going to be more elaborate than the wedding itself (tents and chair covers to start!)

I don't really mind about the money.  I mind about the way it's being done.  I feel like I'm being taken advantage of here.  If I had been informed earlier that we were all splitting costs and was let in on the planning, I would happily contribute whatever was needed.  As it is, I feel like an ATM.

Am I off base?  I love my brother and my FSIL and want them to have a wonderful shower.  I hosted an engagement party for them last year (which was another problem with this friend of the bride's mom, she apparently wanted to host that too.)  Since I hosted the engagement paty, my brother asked if this woman could host the shower instead of me.  I would have liked to have done the shower too, but understood.  Now this whole mess is just leaving a very bad taste in my mouth.

Thanks for listening.  It feels good to get it off my chest.