STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

Update/HELP Mixed Signals

lsubatgirl · Gucci

RE: Mixed Signals

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

Yes, I'm interested. I know he has a lot of female friends. The person we have in common really has no suggestions or she just doesn't want to get in the middle which is understandable. We've hung out or talked nearly every other day for the last three weeks. Always casual. The thing that threw me for a loop was one night we ended up cuddling all night, til morning (he's the one who initiated it).....not something I typical do with any old guy friend. I'm just confused. I don't like being in limbo.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

hmm well I'm captain oblivious really with dating and relationships so I don't know what to suggest besides playing it out somehow and maybe letting him know somehow that you are interested in him. This is how my bf did it-> My bf asked me out for a month (daily almost) in a round about way until I finally said yes. He would ask why wouldn't I go out with him and I always said "because I don't date friends" but then he caught me off guard and I buckled under pressure and couldn't get out of it. Kinda glad I didn't now. Anyways he used the joking around method to test the waters without doing it directly and letting me know that he was really serious about it all. Maybe something like that would work for you.

blubirde · Chanel

When you say "do you question it or just see how it plays out," what do you mean? Do you mean should you say something or make a move or just let what happens happen? Because I'm a big fan of being open and direct BUT that doesn't always mean saying exactly what you're thinking, ya know?

I've been in the "are we friends or more?" game so many times, I feel like I could write a book on how to play. It sounds fun and all but it really isn't. At least not for me. I don't like being in limbo and not knowing what's going on as far as feelings. At least with straight-up dating, you know the score. He asks you to go on a date, buys you a drink or something, and attempts to kiss you. (Those are generics of course.) If he calls again, or responds to your calls, whichever, you know the answer. If he doesn't call then you know that answer, too. Those things I can work with. Knowing a boy I'm friends with might potentially like to kiss me or might potentially just be horny or might potentially be none of the above and just a boy who is a friend is very frustrating. Makes me crazy.

So anyway, what do you mean by question it?

jah · Dooney & Bourke

Hi Grace--read my dating at work post and you will see what I am going to say...

You never know when an opportunity is going to go away, so I say if you feel a connection go for it. You have nothing to lose and if you don't the only thing you will end up with is regret. Take it from someone that has JUST experienced this....

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

Bluebird, you are correct...should I say something or make a move or just let what happens happen.

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Grace
"Bluebird, you are correct...should I say something or make a move or just let what happens happen. "

Then I think you should make a move. If you like him, it kinda sorta seems like he might like you (he obviously likes you enough to be your friend), and you spent all night cuddling, then I say go for it.

But when I say go for it, I don't mean having a long, drawn out conversation, I mean go in for a kiss or something. Arrange a time when it can be just the two of you and make eyes at him all night and then go in for the big smooch! Of course, you could always go the conversation route, too. I support those, but in my experience actions speak louder than words when it comes to friends getting closer. Words have the potential to get confusing and then you're still stuck with "has he ever stuck his f*cking tongue down your f*cking throat?" (bridget jones) issue.

You could always ask him out. And that's not nearly as hard as it sounds, especially if y'all are already good friends, because I'm sure you suggest things for y'all to do all the time.

I'm so excited for you!

blubirde · Chanel

P.S. Listen to Grace. She knows of which she speaks.

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

Thank you Bluebird. I should be seeing him tonight. I was already thinking about asking him to hang out tonight. Then maybe mention we should go out for dinner this week.

Vanessa · Kate Spade

I was in a similar situation and to be honest with you, I have no clue what to do about it either. So in my case, I'm giving up. I'm too chicken and too otherwise involved to do anything bold. But do know a fellow STer is rooting for you! Do let us know what happens :)

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: Vanessa
"I was in a similar situation and to be honest with you, I have no clue what to do about it either. So in my case, I'm giving up. I'm too chicken and too otherwise involved to do anything bold. But do know a fellow STer is rooting for you! Do let us know what happens :)"

THANKS! I need all the positive energy I can get.

splash · Kenneth Cole

Wait, you cuddled all night? How is that not interested, unless one of you was really upset about something? If that's how he showed interest, get him to watch a movie with you and make sure you cuddle some more.

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: splash
"Wait, you cuddled all night? How is that not interested, unless one of you was really upset about something? If that's how he showed interest, get him to watch a movie with you and make sure you cuddle some more. "

Ha! You made me smile. See that is what I thought too but now nothing has happened since then....it's been two weeks.

splash · Kenneth Cole

That's weird that nothing's happened since.... But I still think that's what you should do

Good luck! Let us know what happens!

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

ok, then I need some good movie suggestions....what's out on dvd right now??

blubirde · Chanel

Finding Neverland is sooo good. But sad. So be prepared on that one.

Sideways is funny and a bit sad, too. (If your guy identifies with either of the main characters, run away screaming.)

Okay, I don't actually know what's out on video now. Those are just two movies I've purchased and/or watched recently. Hope it goes well!

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

We've already seen Sideways...I liked it, he didn't. He had issues with them showing a fat naked man running down the street. HA! Oh yeah, that was the night he cooked me dinner.

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

RE: Update/HELP Mixed Signals

Kel · Coach

I would ask him what was going on