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blink


Coach

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silly.



-- Edited by blink on Wednesday 8th of July 2009 04:25:29 PM

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Suasoria


Chanel

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RE: sick of being ghosted on...vent
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Whether he is interested in you or not, I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make this go somewhere. Relax! You've had one "pseudo date" that involved hanging out at your house and you are already heartbroken and wondering if you'll ever meet anyone else!

I know you want answers, but how about going easy on yourself (and on him) for the time being? I don't think you're going to find clarity by overanalyzing or rushing things. Slow down, breathe, tell yourself how wonderful you are and how happy you are right now in this moment!

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Gucci

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I think Suasoria nailed it. I used to have a tendency to over think everything and obsess it to death. I get the feeling that might be what you are doing.

My advise is to take a step back and breath. Instead of concentrating on what this guy is thinking, instead concentrate on yourself. Do something nice that's just for you (get a pedi, grab dinner from your favorite restaurant, buy yourself a fun summer book) and let what will happen, happen. The very last thing you want to do is come off as desperate (I'm not saying you are, but men love to think that we are obsessing over them and you certainly don't want this guy to get that idea. Because while they love the idea of it, the reality of it scares the crap out of them.)

When you run into him in the future, keep it friendly and light. Let him see the confident, together woman that you are. Let him know exactly what he's missing. If he's wants a real relationship with you, he'll make a move. If he doesn't, better to know than to let him drive you crazy wondering.

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blink


Coach

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-- Edited by blink on Wednesday 8th of July 2009 04:27:31 PM

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Elle


Hermes

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RE: sick of being ghosted on...vent
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I agree with Su that you just need to take a step back, and maybe focus on your life and what you want instead of trying to jump back into a relationship.

I gotta say, since your soon-to-be-ex did this same thing to you when you first met, I'd be running for the hills!  Look at what kind of person he ended up being!  I know you're disappointed in this guy right now, but instead of obsessing about if he likes you or not, maybe try to focus on how you are willing (and not willing!) to be treated.  What you want from a partner.  If you are going to reject him for being an ass or give him another chance, not wondering if he's rejecting you or not.

IMO the whole 'ghosting' thing is and emotionally immature way of dealing with a situation like this.  If he's not willing to be up front and honest with you now, why would he be willing farther down the line?  Someone who plays games is not great relationship material - someone who can maturely voice their concerns and thoughts is.  If you waste time with the former, you miss out on the latter ....

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blink


Coach

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true, so true, Elle.

I just remembered I am hormonal today anyway, so this nutter phase will pass.

I was just thinking, I felt a similar huge obsessive crush several months ago for one of the same guy friends I mentioned that gave me some advice. Thank goodness I never verbalized on my feelings with that one, because after getting to know him better as my friend, my romantic interest in him completely waned...and he has proved to be a really valued platonic friend, like a brother actually.

I appreciate the affirmations that this behavior is probably not what I want or need right now anyway....thanks for telling me what I should have known already, but needed to be told again. It's been a crazymaking year for me... wink



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Gucci

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We all need a little crazy in our lives once in a while.   spin.gif It's what makes things interesting. 


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Metric


Gucci

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Regardless of whether you made more out of it or not...

I absolutely despise when guys do that! Its my number one, most hated thing about dating. Makes me so mad. I just don't understand how one minute a guy can seem so into you and then just never call you or anything.

A lot of that I blame on the new text/email/facebook "dating". I think we (I do at least) interpret texts to be more than the guys means. It sucks and I hate it, but hang in there! Know that you're not the only one who goes through it and we understand you.

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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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Blink, I'm glad you are feeling better!  I think we sometimes can get carried away and as women tend to overover analyze and and blame ourselves.  It could be a million things, maybe he got scared at the level of intimacy, maybe its the divorce.  My friend went on a fabulous date and is convinced he didnt call her back bc she had on too much perfume!  You really can't be caught up in anything other than "its their loss" 


Metric wrote:

Regardless of whether you made more out of it or not...

I absolutely despise when guys do that! Its my number one, most hated thing about dating. Makes me so mad. I just don't understand how one minute a guy can seem so into you and then just never call you or anything.

A lot of that I blame on the new text/email/facebook "dating". I think we (I do at least) interpret texts to be more than the guys means. It sucks and I hate it, but hang in there! Know that you're not the only one who goes through it and we understand you.
 


I've been on the other foot where I had a fabulous date w a great guy, nothing went wrong but I knew this person wouldn't pan out for me for one reason or another.  I now understand why people ignore calls and texts..  sometimes it just seems easier.  I'd hate to have the "its not you its me" talk with someone who I'm not even dating! 

 



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blink


Coach

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-- Edited by blink on Wednesday 8th of July 2009 04:26:06 PM

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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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RE: sick of being ghosted on...vent
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blink wrote:

 Even closed my blinds, saying that cameras could always be outside (as if Cheaters tv cameras were outside!).

 

UHMM why would he do that?  If youre going through a divorce what is there to hide?  Seems like he's feeling mighty guilty about this situation.  I'm guessing this is why he's shying away.

 



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blink


Coach

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XtinaStyles wrote:

blink wrote:

 Even closed my blinds, saying that cameras could always be outside (as if Cheaters tv cameras were outside!).

 

UHMM why would he do that?  If youre going through a divorce what is there to hide?  Seems like he's feeling mighty guilty about this situation.  I'm guessing this is why he's shying away.

 



Yeah, guilty is right because he did say he felt like he wasn't sure if he was crossing a line. He's paranoid that my ex will find out, I guess through my neighbors even though my neighbors are MY friends. And he's worried that once my ex does know, he would speak badly about him to their mutual friends. He did actually say this, only it was a conversation he had with me previous to this visit.

Nothing I can do about that. It's his decision to weigh.



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"Go either very cheap or very expensive. It's the middle ground that is fashion nowhere." ~ Karl Lagerfeld
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