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Post Info TOPIC: Opinions needed on friend/baby shower issue
alb


Marc Jacobs

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Opinions needed on friend/baby shower issue
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Okay, I have a dilemma and need your opinions on what would be the polite and appropriate way to handle this.  I'll try to make it as simple as possible:


A few months ago, friend # 1 offered to host a small shower for me (we discussed that it would be very small b/c I've only been here for a yr and don't have a ton of gfs that I would feel comfortable inviting-she's been here the same amt of time as me and understands, we're both from TX, moved at same time w/ our hubbies).  She asked me if anyone else had offered to host anything for me.


Friend X offers to have a small shower or something similar 


I get an email from Friend #2, who is not a great friend (we recenlty had a bit of a falling out),  saying that she and Friend # 1 want to have something for me and asking for dates that I might be available (I think Friend # 1 asked her about this & may hav eput her on the spot a little).


I thank her and give her and friend # 1 a bunch of dates (this is mid-march and my baby's due in early June, so there was a lot of time) by email AND tell them that Friend X is interested in helping out, and give them Friend X's contact info. 


Friend # 2 says that b/w then (right b/f Easter, March 27th) and my due date the ONLY day she could do it is Mother's Day, May 8th or she would have to back out.


Not really wanting to do it on Mother's Day, but since it was my only option and I was appreciative that she offered at all, I responded to the email and graciously thanked them, telling them May 8th would be great.  Again, this is before Easter.


A few weeks go by, and I never hear back from either one of them.


I'm telling this to my hubby and he says that he wanted to do something with me on Mothers day, but that he understood how important it was for me to have a shower, etc. and that that date is fine with him.  Then we start talking about it and we both start thinking that it's NOT going to take place, since I have received no word from either one of them.


As a result and b/c he doesn't want to see me all bummed out, hubby decides to plan a "shower" w/ just he and I on Mother's day (5/8)--we are going to have tea at the Ritz Carlton and he is going to get a bunch of gifts for me to open so it will be similar to a real shower.  HUbby is making plans and is all excited about it.


2 weeks ago I get an email from friend # 1, it's very long and chatty but mentions nothing about the shower, further leading to my conclusion that it's not going to take place.


I didn't yet respond to Friend 1's email of 2 weeks ago--been swamped and just haven't gotten around to it.


So today I get another email from Friend 1 talking about the shower on May 8th, asking where I want to have it and other details.  That's in 2 weeks and nobody has said anything since mid-March, so I was very surprised. 


They never contacted Friend X and Friend X still wants to have something for me, but it may be just our small group of friends (3 of us) and she mentioned that maybe friends 1 and 2 could do something separately. 


Now I am looking forward to the tea thing that hubby is planning, and I don't know what to say to Friend #1.  I know that ppl are busy and I don't really blame her for not saying anything sooner, but I didn't want to be in limbo all this time, not knowing if I was going to have plans on Mother's day or not, or if I was going to have a shower or not, and my hubby asking me about it, etc.  I didn't really want to ask them about it b/c that's just not my style and frankly, it would not be the end of the world if it didn't take place.  So, what would you do?  Should I tell her I already made plans with hubby b/c I didn't hear back from either person and I wasn't sure, and just thank her for her efforts or should I have hubby and I do our thing on another day??  Should I tell her about Friend X having something or not b/c it might not include her?  Uggh--I don't know what to do.  Am I making too big of a deal out of this??   


 


 



-- Edited by alb at 16:13, 2005-04-26

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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This probably deserves a longer answer, but I say screw 'em. You didn't hear from them, you didn't want to impose, you COMPLETELY understand that everyone is so busy, and you made other plans. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness... If you do it right, they should be relieved since it sounds like time just got away from them (everyone flakes out once in a while). I just really think you shouldn't have to forgo something you're really looking forward to in order to pretend you care about a social obligation to a couple of people who obviously don't care enough about their social obligations.... On balance, you should be fine. And congratulations!

Oh, and just let friend X invite them. You don't have to say anything - you're not supposed to be too involved in a shower because it's tacky to throw yourself a party, so they're out of line if they blame you for it. (Which reminds me - it was nice of them to inquire about what you wanted, but what the hell, all of a sudden they think you're going to do it all?)

-- Edited by Dizzy at 13:53, 2005-04-26

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crystal


Kate Spade

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i would reply and say: Oh, I'm so sorry, time slipped away from me, i've been so busy, but I've been meaning to write you to say that my husband planned a mother's day event (whatever u want to call it) for me since I'm about to be a mother.  I thought it was so sweet of him and since I hadn't heard from you in a while I accepted his offer.  I was planning on contacting you sooner, but I think the pregnancy has affected my memory (haha, j/k, but i think u should say something to the affect of ur pregnant & too busy to concern urself w/ stuff like this).  Friend X is still planning to throw me a shower which you are welcome to attend.  Sorry for the misunderstanding!


or something like that, basically accept responsibility for their slackerness & what are they gonna say?  i mean they will realize they are in the wrong for not contacting u so how can they be upset u made other plans?  good luck sweetie!!



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Elle


Hermes

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If it were me, I would go ahead with the shower but with low expectations for the successfullness of the event.  I would just let them know that you have other plans as well that day so morning festivities (or afternoon, or evening) would work best for you.


Is Friend X invited to this shower?  If so, maybe she would be up for a special lunch for the 2 of you instead of another shower?



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Karina


Chanel

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I would go about whatever plans you have with your DH and screw your friends.  If they weren't courteous enough to keep you abreast of the baby shower plans, then they shouldn't expect you to hang around and keep that date.

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blink


Coach

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I am confused about the Friend 1, 2, and X but I think there are only two friends in this story, not three, right?


Anyway, it's getting really late to plan a shower if you are due in June, hopefully at least one of the friends can get it all ironed out.  Do not be afraid to ask if they are still planning one or to confirm the date, they offered in the first place and you want to keep a clear schedule for everyone's benefit.


It doesn't sound like whatever shower is half-planned for Mother's Day is really either set in stone or is going to be really special (like catered, invites sent out in good timing, many guests showing up on a holiday etc.) so don't feel bad about skipping it for your sweet husband's plans for you.  By the way, lucky you!!



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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your husband sounds so sweet and thoughtful!  having tea with him on mother's day would be a really special way to spend that day.  i agree that your friends totally dropped the ball on planning the shower, and if it were me, i'd have felt awkward asking them about it too.  you're not supposed to have to do any work on showers for yourself -- not only is it tacky, but it's supposed to be something nice for you, so why should you have to stress about it?  they should have kept you informed.  that's a lot of time to pass between offering the shower and then contacting you about it.


the most important thing is, do you actually want to spend any time with them and have this shower?  if you do, i like LMonet's idea of telling them your husband made plans for the two of you, so the shower would have to be at a certain time for it to work.  since this is for you, they should be accomodating. 


and if you don't really want to have this shower with them, then you can graciously back out of it.  it would probably be too awkward to try to get them to work with your third friend on the event. 



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blubirde


Chanel

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I'm with the other girls: screw Friends 1 & 2.


Even if they sent out invites TODAY, it would too late for a shower on May 8th. Just tell them it's a bit late to be planning a shower for Mother's Day for everyone. Friend X is doing something for you and it would be easier on you, less pressure, more time, etc., etc., etc., if y'all all did something all together. Maybe a fancy lunch instead of a shower?


Don't worry about being rude by accepting your hubby's offer. He's very sweet to offer and Friends 1 & 2 are bums for not taking your shower more seriously. What is that saying? A lack of preparation on your part does not an emergency make on my part?


I hope your "shower" with hubby is fabulous!! It would probably be better than hanging around Friend 2 anyway, right?



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Drew


Gucci

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quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
"I'm with the other girls: screw Friends 1 & 2. Even if they sent out invites TODAY, it would too late for a shower on May 8th. Just tell them it's a bit late to be planning a shower for Mother's Day for everyone. Friend X is doing something for you and it would be easier on you, less pressure, more time, etc., etc., etc., if y'all all did something all together. Maybe a fancy lunch instead of a shower? Don't worry about being rude by accepting your hubby's offer. He's very sweet to offer and Friends 1 & 2 are bums for not taking your shower more seriously. What is that saying? A lack of preparation on your part does not an emergency make on my part? I hope your "shower" with hubby is fabulous!! It would probably be better than hanging around Friend 2 anyway, right?"
I agree 100%

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