STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Am I being too sensitive? Calling someone aunt who's not an aunt

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I call one of my dad's close friends uncle and don't really see a problem with it. I think it can also be used as a term to describe a close family friend as well as someone related. Your niece knows how special you are and how much you love her regardless of the title you hold!

Boots · Gucci

My two best friends have their kids refer to me as "Aunt". I consider them family. I think it's a nice way to have children refer to important adults in their life. I wouldn't want them to call me "Ms. Boots" and their moms aren't comfortable having them call me by my first name.

Your relationship with your niece will be special because you make it special. I have a great relationship with my "nieces" and "nephews" because I put the time in to build one. Their "blood" aunts don't make the time for the kids so they have a different relationship.

It sounds like you work to make your relationship important with your nieces and nephews. They know this.

I guess what I'm saying is that the title aunt doesn't make the relationship special. What you do makes the difference. Kids aren't stupid. They know who really cares.

Kelly · Hermes

I've never called anyone who wasn't actually my aunt by the term "aunt" but then again we didn't really call our actual aunts by that term either. I mean, we knew they were our aunts, but we never said "I played with Aunt Elaine" or anything as if it were a part of their name. So take what I say for what it's worth, since I guess I don't have any real experience with this, but I don't think it's a big deal. I can see how it bothers you because it may make it seem like the practice belittles your relationship with your niece, but I think you have to remember that I sincerely doubt that your SIL is doing this to hurt, upset, or annoy you. And if she and/or her kids are already in the practice of calling another person "aunt" I don't see why they would censor that term around you.

Kelly · Hermes

Boots wrote:
their moms aren't comfortable having them call me by my first name.

Not trying to hijack this thread, but am curious as to why that would make them uncomfortable? I don't think I've ever heard of that - I grew up calling everyone by their first names except for my parents and grandparents.

Boots · Gucci

Kelly wrote:

Boots wrote:
their moms aren't comfortable having them call me by my first name.

Not trying to hijack this thread, but am curious as to why that would make them uncomfortable? I don't think I've ever heard of that - I grew up calling everyone by their first names except for my parents and grandparents.

I grew up calling my parent's close friends "aunt" & "uncle" as did my friends. I guess comfort level with this is just like anything else, it all depends on what you are used to.

Personally, I don't really care what the kids call me, but since they are not my children, I defer to their moms' wishes.

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

My son has a few extra aunts and uncles...who are super close friends of mine...we consider them part of the family, so the title is honorary in some way.

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

Boots wrote:

Kelly wrote:

Boots wrote:
their moms aren't comfortable having them call me by my first name.

Not trying to hijack this thread, but am curious as to why that would make them uncomfortable? I don't think I've ever heard of that - I grew up calling everyone by their first names except for my parents and grandparents.

I grew up calling my parent's close friends "aunt" & "uncle" as did my friends. I guess comfort level with this is just like anything else, it all depends on what you are used to.

Personally, I don't really care what the kids call me, but since they are not my children, I defer to their moms' wishes.

I'm wondering if some of this is regional? I just call my aunts and uncles by their first name and have never referred to anyone else like that. We all also always called each other's parents by just their first names (I grew up in Western Nebraska, so high plains region). My husband, who grew up in Florida, refers to his best friends and their wives as "aunt" and "uncle" to our daughter. Around here (SE Wisconsin) children generally refer to non family adults as ms. or mr. whoever.

Suasoria · Chanel

Xtina, I think if it bugs you, then it's valid, since you're the only "blood aunt" she has. However, it's not something I'd pick a fight about for all the reasons above - the relationship you have with her is special not because of blood, but because of who YOU are and how you express your love for your niece. Ultimately she will be able to distinguish you from the crowd.

I also am sometimes called aunt, tia or tita by parents of kids that aren't blood relatives. I think it's usually because the parents want the kids to show respect, and calling me "Ms. Lastname" would be way too formal and antique.

I'm with Kelly for the most part. I grew up in an era when the trend in parenting was to avoid "oppressing" children. I was on a first-name basis with nearly everyone I met, except teachers. Often when I was at a close friend's house, I just called their parents Mom and Dad. When a friend was at my house, they did the same. Also my parents never really encouraged us to use these terms for other adults in our lives, maybe because we had a dozen or more "blood" aunts/uncles/their spouses, which was confusing enough. As my cousins and I grew up, we started dropping the aunt/uncle and using first names only.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

I agree with Suas and Kelly. I think it's regional, era-specific, and/or cultural. It makes me think of how they say "Miss Darlene" or "Miss Jamie" in the south. Kinda formal but kinda not- - still loving.

Suasoria · Chanel

PJ's post reminded me of another example - we know a couple from India with two little boys, and ALL grownups are uncle/auntie to them, no first names at all, just uncle/auntie. I reckon it's a substitute for ma'am/sir, since it doesn't seem to matter if the kids know the person well or if they are a complete stranger.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

Same thing is in Russian - all grown ups are aunt/uncle to the kids....so it' doesn't always imply blood relation , but the age - i absolutely hate to be called Aunt Yana...makes me feel 58 & up! So for the time being I openly always say - Yana, just Yana, before that it was "GIRL Yana, not aunt Yana", so the friends jokingly said to their kids: "go ask aunt Laura & GIRL Yana for....this & that..."
Anyway, I also have 2 nephews & even they call me by my name only...
As the other party og the story, who's called aunt regardless of blood relation - HATE IT!

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

HeatherLynn wrote:

I call one of my dad's close friends uncle and don't really see a problem with it. I think it can also be used as a term to describe a close family friend as well as someone related. Your niece knows how special you are and how much you love her regardless of the title you hold!

I agree wholeheartedly. But I do understand your feelings

nightshade · Nine West

When I was growing up, we were always taught to call grownups who were family friends, or neighbors, Aunt Whoever or Uncle Whoever. More respectful than just using their first name and less formal than Mr. and Mrs. If we didn't know them well, it was Mr. and Mrs. or Ma'am and Sir. And of course our actual aunts were called Aunt So-and-So.

I think you are being a little sensitive. Calling the non-relatives Aunt is meant to include them, not to exclude you. Let it go.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

Actually, I completely agree, indeed it's a polite/respectful address, in russian it's also a sign of respect, you don't call people/grownups just by their names, however, I think I'm personally dealing with mid life crisis & things like that remind me of my age, so personally, it makes me feel younger to be called just by my name, I still don't feel like an "aunt" ( or refuse to feel like an aunt):)

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Growing up my sister and I called my parents college friends aunt/uncle. I asked very early on why we did this since I knew they weren't related. I don't recall what my mom told me, but I accepted it.

I used the title of aunt/uncle with these people as well as my blood aunts/uncles until my mid twenties when they started talking ot me like a grown up and then the titles were dropped.

I have noticed that some friends refer to me as thier child's aunt while others don't. I don't think it necessarily infers a relationship with the child or their parents; or lack thereof.

My nephew as decided that he isn't using aunt/uncle. My sister refers to my husband and I as aunt/uncle in her son's company, but he doesn't use those titles. Although, we both have extremely hard names for children to pronounce, so this may change once he is older. He isn't even 2 yet.

I think it is different in every situation. But, I agree that the term Aunt isn't being used to upset you. And, that your neice knows the difference.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I guess I was being too sensitive! I get it now, I guess I was taking it too seriously for other reasons..