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Post Info TOPIC: Am I a bad person if I go back on my word?
Tati


Chanel

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Am I a bad person if I go back on my word?
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sorry for rambling...

my MIL asked to borrow my 6year old son, which is my youngest and my baby to go to Montana with her and her fiance and her fiance's grandson thats a year younger than my son. they will be going to a wedding. my husband and I went back and fourth on this months ago and I dont remember exactly what the conversation was. but i think he pretty much left it up to me. i feel bad cause she practically is begging for him to go and i guess i said yes. But now that the time is coming closer to that even (may 28th-31st) im stressing on missing him SO much.  I have 2 boys, ones 13 and my baby is 6 going on 7 in July. But he's my baby and he's mama's boy. He's always all over me and he is the funny one in the family making everyone laugh, etc. Last night the subject came up about this trip and my husband I can tell is thinking its a lot of days without him and my oldest hardly expresses himself and he even said 4 days is too long. So now im really stressing and hating that i already told my MIL yes. I called her this morning to see if she bought the tickets already and she said no. I told her what we were talking about last night and shes trying to sugar coat it by saying that Zane (my baby) will have lots of fun, go to such and such park, etc. and that they are counting on him going to keep the fiance's grandson occupied also, etc. I told her ok....that we would talk about it some more tonight and that her son, my husband, would get back to her. Ugh! i regret telling them yes and i dont want to go back on my word. but I would miss Zane SO much! he spends the night at grandparents house 1 nights here and there and we are fine. but if its 2 nights my husband and I cant wait to get him back! Even my older son Marley is anxious to get him if its more than 2 nights away from him. lol! I know some parents might think I'm crazy. would love the break...like my MIL tried to tell me, take a break. But Zane is NO burden. I don't raise bratty kids and its funny cause my parents, my MIL or his ex-step-dad have to set dates on when they can have my kids cause they enjoy having them around all the time. Since my kids have been little, I've always had people calling to babysit them! I get compliments on them when we've been out in public, especially when they were younger, cause my kids don't act up. Not perfect, but you know what I mean. Okay, im going off topic here. but I already apologized for my rambling before hand wink.gif
what would you do? do I just need to let go and let Zane enjoy the trip? am I being too protective?



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tri_sarah_tops


Marc Jacobs

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Have you asked Zane how he feels about going? IMO, four days isn't too long and I think he'll have fun, especially since he'll be with his grandma and another kid his age. I know you'll miss him, I miss my daughter when I go anywhere without her (even when I really need time to myself) so I know how you feel, but when I was that age I went on trips that length with my grandparents all the time and they're some of my best memories.

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Luv2Shop


Kate Spade

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I agree with tri sarah tops, you should ask Zane how he feels about it. 

My Great Aunt never married and doesn't have any kids so when my mom's and mom's brother's kids each turned 6, she took them to Disneyland for a week.  I went when I was 6 and had an AMAZING time!  Yes, I missed my parents, but my Aunt is a very close family member that they trust (she's like a second grandmother basically) and knew that it would be so great for me to be able to go and experience that. 

I think it also helps with a child's independance when it comes time for them to have to be away from you and with another adult, like sleeping over at friend's houses, going on trips with school/girl or boyscout groups, etc.  

It might even be good for you.  I know this is something that I am going to struggle with when my child gets here because it's in my blood, but I do NOT want to be as bad as my mom was when I was younger.  We have WORRY in our genes and when I was out my mom used to pace waiting for us, and still makes us call pretty much everyday just so she know's everythings good and we are ok.  We are 28 and 26.  For your own sake, you need to know and learn that your child can and will survive without you, and that they will learn to be indepentant as they grow up. 

I know it will be hard, but won't it be nice to know that your son went on this trip and behaved and missed you, but did ok?  I guess it could be a double edged sword, he is growing up and becomming more independent and that can hurt as much as it can feel great knowing you are raising him so well!!

-- Edited by Luv2Shop on Monday 27th of April 2009 03:58:05 PM

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ejc423


Coach

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Let him go:) Time with grandparents is so valuable and like tri_sarah_tops, I cherish memories of times with mine when I was little.
You will miss him, but you'll survive. And then you can all have a fun day to celebrate his homecoming!

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Boots


Gucci

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Could you look at this as an opportunity to spend some alone time with your older son? It seems like the perfect time for you to do some on on one things with him. It'll distract you too!

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HeatherLynn


Gucci

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ejc423 wrote:

Let him go:) Time with grandparents is so valuable and like tri_sarah_tops, I cherish memories of times with mine when I was little.
You will miss him, but you'll survive. And then you can all have a fun day to celebrate his homecoming!


I agree.  I would make him go.  Some of my favorite memories are the short trips with my grandparents.  I think that time with them is invaluable.  It will be good for him in the long run to take trips without his parents and know he will be okay.

 



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Elle


Hermes

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HeatherLynn wrote:

ejc423 wrote:

Let him go:) Time with grandparents is so valuable and like tri_sarah_tops, I cherish memories of times with mine when I was little.
You will miss him, but you'll survive. And then you can all have a fun day to celebrate his homecoming!


I agree.  I would make him go.  Some of my favorite memories are the short trips with my grandparents.  I think that time with them is invaluable.  It will be good for him in the long run to take trips without his parents and know he will be okay.

 


Absolutely!  This is one of those times where what's best for them is the exact thing that kills you do.  Of course you'll miss him!  But I think holding him back from things like this wouldn't be good, and could create resentment and guilt on his part later on.  You're doing what's best for him by letting him go, just repeat that to yourself over and over while he's away!  And think of all the great experiences he'll have, and all the great stories he'll come back with to tell you about.  You could send a camera with him and plan on making a scrapbook or picture book when he returns!

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Another vote for let him go, based on happy memories of time with my grandparents.

Are you concerned about whether he'll be safe, or have a good time, or if he'll be okay being away from mom and dad? Or is it more about how much you'll miss him?




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NCshopper


Hermes

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It sounds like this is more about you and less about him. It'll be hard for you to have him gone for 4 days, but he'll have a good time. I think you should let him go.

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Tati


Chanel

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Yea, thanks ladies. I guess it is more about me, my husband, and my older son! we will miss him a grip!!! you guys are so right about that being great memories and with his grandma.

Suasoria- yes I'm also concerned about him being safe. I know he'll have a great time but just last night he had a BIG bloody nose and he got blood all over him, bed and me and I had to deal with it at 4am and I just feel that if that would have happend else where, well...he wouldn't have got the Mama love and attention. See...it would be a LITTLE bit easier if it were my parents cause their very different than my MIL, its hard to explain. and that would be more rambling from me! we dont want that! :)

But I totally understand what all of you ladies are telling me, and I gotta let him go. I told my husband what you guys said, we talked and we agreed to let him go. But my husband is going to tell her that she better not leave his sight. Cause this one time we lend him to her and his fiance, and later that day they call us saying they left Zane with her fiances daughter and her son (thats going on the same trip) at Disneyland with them. Threw me off guard! I didn't throw a scene, but I told my husband that that was not cool at all. We lend him to her, not for her to do that. Plus I dont know the Mom too well (fiances daughter)
my parents would never have done that! so as long as husband enforces certain things, I'll feel better I guess.....

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HeatherLynn


Gucci

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Good decision!

Just remember your MIL raised your husband and even though that was a long time ago she will be able to take care of your son too!

Enjoy the week with your older son and the alone time you guys will have.

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