STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hermes

RE: single women kissing people on the lips that they just met

ico · Dooney & Bourke

Love the video!
I personally don't agree with their behavior, but what would pisses me the most is that I'd go out with my friends to have fun with them, not to pick up guys. I think it's very rude from them!

Elle · Hermes

Ha! Easier to fend of with a thanks-but-no-thanks than the creepy guys I guess. We never encounter too many women at gay bars, gay or otherwise. Around here the gay bars seem pretty segregated, not purposefully but due to where the different crowds gather as 'regulars'.

I'm intrigued that you get people hitting on you when you could theoretically be on a date - are people really just that forward/desperate these days?

Hermes

Elle wrote:

I'm intrigued that you get people hitting on you when you could theoretically be on a date - are people really just that forward/desperate these days?

they are that forward. and very aggressive. there must have been a tutorial that came out instructing men how to get their tongues down a cougar's throat in 15 minutes from hello. seems like the tactics are very similar. they appear, and aggressively start laying it on thick.

now another thing is that both just got out of long-term relationships and may just be really naive about being single, I find that hard to believe though...

Elle · Hermes

D wrote:

now another thing is that both just got out of long-term relationships and may just be really naive about being single, I find that hard to believe though...

I wouldn't underestimate the possiblity. A combination of their ideas of what being single is supposed to be like with a desire to 'rebound' and their age? Ding ding!

My mother is in the process of doing this right now, actually. She divorced my dad and moved in with an old (also single, divorced x4) girlfriend, lost entirely too much weight, started smoking again 25 years after last quitting, and had her lips injected with some sort of filler. Anyway, she and her girlfriend were picked up by a pair of guys at the gym, each nearly 15 years younger than them, and got played for quite awhile before the guys got tired of them and left. Do they understand what happened? No. Like I said, that voluntary naivete is a bitch.

travelgirl · Kate Spade

ico wrote:

Love the video!
I personally don't agree with their behavior, but what would pisses me the most is that I'd go out with my friends to have fun with them, not to pick up guys. I think it's very rude from them!

Ditto!

This thread is making me think of a Real Housewives episode with all the cougar/puma/cockblock talk!

Seriously though, I would be annoyed too by that behavior from my friends because what are you supposed to do when they are making out?

Hermes

travelgirl wrote:

ico wrote:

Love the video!
I personally don't agree with their behavior, but what would pisses me the most is that I'd go out with my friends to have fun with them, not to pick up guys. I think it's very rude from them!

Ditto!

This thread is making me think of a Real Housewives episode with all the cougar/puma/cockblock talk!

Seriously though, I would be annoyed too by that behavior from my friends because what are you supposed to do when they are making out?

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do while they're making out next to me. In a bar. In public. Embarrassing. This is why I need to have a plan in case this happens again...

Suasoria · Chanel

I am also under the impression that when people go out to bars, whether they're 22 or 52, they are looking for action. I don't see it as the guy is the predator and she's prey, since they both pretty much know what they're doing. He desires her, she wants to be desired by him because that's how she measures her self-worth.

D., you and I are pretty much the same age and life stage. I have some GFs who are single again and I choose not to go out with them on these kinds of excursions, partly to avoid the uncomfortable situations fueled by too much alcohol and partly because I just don't enjoy it. I will drop almost anything to go have a long boozy lunch with them, or shop, or keep her company while her kid is barfing on a Tuesday afternoon and she's going stir-crazy at home.

If I were in that situation, I'd hope that the friend who's making out with a stranger isn't my only companion. If there are other people in the group, I'd turn my attention elsewhere and let it go. If it's just us two, and she starts this, then it's just rude. I think I'd tap the guy on the shoulder and say "I'm sorry, we have to leave now. Maybe you could exchange numbers and pick this up another time." Then make the "We're leaving NOW" face and head for the door.

A third party who gets involved should just get an eyeroll and maybe a "you don't know her like I do." Catty, but who's to argue?

blubirde · Chanel

Suasoria wrote:

I am also under the impression that when people go out to bars, whether they're 22 or 52, they are looking for action. I don't see it as the guy is the predator and she's prey, since they both pretty much know what they're doing. He desires her, she wants to be desired by him because that's how she measures her self-worth.

D., you and I are pretty much the same age and life stage. I have some GFs who are single again and I choose not to go out with them on these kinds of excursions, partly to avoid the uncomfortable situations fueled by too much alcohol and partly because I just don't enjoy it. I will drop almost anything to go have a long boozy lunch with them, or shop, or keep her company while her kid is barfing on a Tuesday afternoon and she's going stir-crazy at home.

If I were in that situation, I'd hope that the friend who's making out with a stranger isn't my only companion. If there are other people in the group, I'd turn my attention elsewhere and let it go. If it's just us two, and she starts this, then it's just rude. I think I'd tap the guy on the shoulder and say "I'm sorry, we have to leave now. Maybe you could exchange numbers and pick this up another time." Then make the "We're leaving NOW" face and head for the door.

A third party who gets involved should just get an eyeroll and maybe a "you don't know her like I do." Catty, but who's to argue?

I agree. Basically if your friend wants to make out with random guys at bars after knowing them for a short period of time, that's her business. What makes it your concern is that she's with you for some friend time. I'd just tell her, straight up, that you want to hang out with her (or the group or whatever) and if she's interested in hooking up, that's totally cool but you'll wait to hang out another time when you guys can focus on each other.

I don't think it's cool to judge for her behavior (not saying you are, just being general), but I do think you have a right to ask her to keep her plans with you focused on the two of you, not random strangers at the bar. If she doesn't respect your wishes w/r/t keeping strangers at bay, I'd avoid situations like that (i.e. bars, clubs, etc.).

FWIW I have a friend just like this. She drives me insane because we can never go out and just have a good time. There's always got to be some drama, usually fueled by too much drinking, that I have to help her out of. I couldn't care less if she causes her own drama but dragging me into it? Uncool. So I try to only visit her in her town (less chance of going out there), and I try to arrange our time together in places where her issues won't manifest themselves into friendship blockers, if that makes sense.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

I think that is actually incredibly tacky. If you are out with a girlfriend, then you are not there to ditch her and suck face with some random guy. I would tell your friends when they are SOBER, that it hurts your feelings when you hang out with them and they ditch you to mess around with these guys. Maybe they wont stop there behavior, but maybe they will stop it when with you.

Hermes

AllieGurl wrote:

I think that is actually incredibly tacky. If you are out with a girlfriend, then you are not there to ditch her and suck face with some random guy. I would tell your friends when they are SOBER, that it hurts your feelings when you hang out with them and they ditch you to mess around with these guys. Maybe they wont stop there behavior, but maybe they will stop it when with you.

yeah, I find it very tacky too.

suasoria - I go to bars often, and I am not seeking action smile , but then again, I'm not single...

blubirde - I think that's what I'm going to do. I'll just say, hey, it's girl time, ask if we can shake the guy and that they can meet up with them when we're not together...

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

D I agree with you - girl time is girl time!

kmd · Kate Spade

I am single, go to bars often and I am not seeking action... so, I think that should be taken into consideration. I go to bars to socialize and see people I know and meet new people. I just don't think that everyone that goes out is going out to get laid.

alb · Marc Jacobs

i didn't read all the responses so not sure if this is repetitive but IMO you have every right to be irritated. You went out with your girlfriends for the purpose of hanging out with them - not watching them make fools of themselves. the whole behavior is pathetic and just screams "no self esteem" to me (not to mention extremely self defeating, as NO guy will be sincerely interested in someone who does that). i'd be pissed too!