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Post Info TOPIC: cheating ex-bf


Nine West

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Posts: 2
Date:
cheating ex-bf
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I am a relatively new poster here. Just want to share my story about a cheating ex bf.

I have been dating this guy for six months, everything seems to be great although we do have our ups and downs sometimes. He was nice to me and helped me around the house. I introduced him to my family. And we even talked about engagement, etc.

Well last week i found out he cheated on me with an old female friend of his.

I got suspicious about him and the girl coz i saw some intimate pictures of them, so i added the girl on facebook. When he found out that i contacted her, he was mad at me and called me crazy. And when i opened my facebook account that night, the girl sent me a message:

Dear **:

I don't know why you are trying to be my friend on facebook. I have never met you....although I vaguely found out who you were in August when ** broke your heart. I really feel for you..I know ** has probably hurt you a lot, but well, the fact of the matter is, he is not with you anymore, nor does he have any interest in you whatsoever. I will be very honest with you..and the truth may be very grueling to hear, but I feel you deserve to know the absolute truth if ** has not told you it yet. It's very complicated..

He and I have been friends since August 2007, and he has been interested in me since December 2007. I was unsure of what I wanted, so I told him to date other people, and surely enough, he gave up on the idea of us(after months of my telling him I wasn't sure..that I liked other people too). I encouraged him to date other people, and in April, he started dating you. While he was dating you, he was still saying sweet things to me. I'm sure you invited him to your graduation this past spring, but instead of attending your graduation, he went to SF Airport to pick me up from my study abroad semester. He stayed at my house for a few days, and well, we acted very much like a couple. In June, I drove down to LA to visit him. I stayed with him, he gave me a copy of his keys...and he ended up telling me he loved me. I don't know if he ever said "I love you" to you..but it's none of my business if he has. I came back to LA in early August 2008, and well, he broke up with you in early August. Do you see the correlation? He dumped you to be with me, and I'm not saying what he did is right, but what I'm pointing out is that he obviously didn't care that much about you...so please be with someone who does.
...............
...............


Needless to say, i was beyond mad and very shocked. Of course i had my doubts about this guy, but i chose to trust him. And turns out he is cheating and has been lying to me since day one we met. Our relationship was on and off during August-now, but we are still sleeping together. And he has never mentioned this girl to me, and he always tells me "he has done nothing to give me a reason to not trust him---so i should have more faith in him"....

So after i read the facebook inbox message, i called him and he didnt pick up. I went to his house immediately and slapped him, broke a couple of his things, and threw the lamp on him. He started crying and saying sorry that he messed up. His reason is that "he is not sure of either of the relationship".

I just think he is completely jerk and cheating bastard, no matter what excuses he has. And this girl he is with now, sounds like a winner to me. She says " i am sorry to be his mistress so to speak, but also his final choice". I guess i just wonder what makes a cheater so attractive.

And i read the girl's myspace, seems like he hasnt been treating her nice and made her cry all the time....

Anyways, i also went to his myspace page and sent all of his friends a message about his cheating pattern.

And then i decided to not have anything to do with him ever again. Whats funnier is he sent me emails telling me how "sleeping with me is far more better than sleeping with his new gf" , and he "doesnt know what he is doing with her either"...

What a jerk!!

Sorry this is a long post, i just have to write it out and thanks for reading!

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Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
Date:
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I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there.

Try not to take out your anger on anyone else - even the guy. You're going to be mad, but you'll feel better in the long run if you work out, journal, just channel it somewhere that will not leave a record for anyone but you. (I MISS my mid-cheating-asshole body).

It's a great sign that you recognize this guy for what he is. It sounds like he's one to cling, but you're not giving him any reason to stay in your life. Good luck!

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Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2478
Date:
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UGH UGH UGH!!!

I want to break a lamp for you!

What a jerk - those kinds of guys always do that "I have a girlfriend but she's HORRIBLE" then "I have a girl on the side but she means nothing compared to YOU"

The "other woman" obviously is an idiot and is really getting off on the idea of being a mistress and being chosen "over" you. She's an egomaniacal moron. I am sure she thought she was doing some sort of service by telling you but really I think she's falling for him and wanted you out of the picture. Mission accomplished! They deserve eachother!

In my opinion when a person leaves their partner for someone else... they always leave that partner for the next someone else!


UGHHHHHHHH! is all I can say. At least you found out sooner than later.

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Hermes

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Posts: 8209
Date:
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I think I remember you posting about this and having suspicions a while back.  Proof to not ignore your instincts!

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"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase


Nine West

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:
Permalink Closed

Thanks for all the kind replies!

Its just its very hard to get over with the feeling of being lied to all the six months. Although no matter what his reason/excuses are, it doesnt change the fact that he is a cheater.

I just want to do a little bit update.

So he kept emailing me and call me and left messages saying he is sorry, he still wants to be friends, etc. So we talked for a while. And he even mentioned that he misses me, and he also said his "sex life" with the current girl is not as great as it is with me. So that also makes him worried. (I know, he is totally a jerk, and the reason that i kept talking to him is that i want some proof that he will also cheat on her).

And when i asked him why he did this in the first place, he blamed me for handling our fights immaturely (e.g, telling him i might see other ppl if he doesnt treat me well enough). And he says "there is always a grey area. so even i had sex with her, it had no meaning". "It was all about you during the first four months..."

GOD! I am so angry! I just cant believe why a person's mind could work like that.

And i also kinda hate the girl too, i mean, why would she mess up with someone else's bf?

And i know this may sound stupid and bitter, but i have a plan of getting back at them. My ex and me have already exchanged many texts and phone calls during the past few days. And he even suggested meeting up at my place to catch up.

I just wonder what his current gf would think about this. And after this, i am just all done with them.

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Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2478
Date:
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My advice: dont string him along, you're only going to get brought back into his trap. The "mistress" knows what sleaze he is, doesn't need to see that he did it to her to know - it won't break them up, it will probably bring them closer when he lies and says that you altered texts/emails.

This dude sounds ALOT like my ex - everything that he did wrong was blamed on me. If he talked to chicks its bc he was bored, or alone, or I didn't do enough for him etc etc. These guys always blame things on other people, not themselves. There is always a reason to stray, most of us just use our brains and know better!






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Hermes

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Posts: 5919
Date:
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Honestly, that does sound stupid and bitter. Whatever revenge you have planned, I'm sure it'll hurt you just as much or more. You're giving both of them power by letting them bother you to the point where you are wasitng your time and energy trying to make them feel bad. I say cut your losses and move on. I'm not saying you can't be hurt or upset - but they don't sound like they're worth the effort you'd have to invest to "get back" at them.

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123



Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 317
Date:
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An excellent rule of thumb for dating is to start as you mean to go on.  If a man treats you badly and you accept it, you are giving him permission to continue to do so.  He cheated on you and then blamed you for his poor behaviour and you are still sleeping with him.  Perhaps you would be better off if you discontinued any communication and moved forward with your life.

We can't control the behaviour of others but we can control our reactions to that behaviour.

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Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
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Don't get revenge. It's difficult to accept the idea that, yes, people lie. People take advantage. People can act like scum while telling us it's our fault. Stay away from people like that. Don't engage.

It's tempting to try to "show them," but that's how you keep the cycle going. You have to become someone who doesn't respond to this behavior - positively or negatively. That's when you can get away from people like this guy. Good luck!

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