STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

The lamest thing I have every asked - online dating?

Becca · Kate Spade

I don't think you're being too quick to reject. If you know you don't dig the guy then there's no point in pursuing it and wasting your time especially since you're a very busy person.

I understand that talking to someone over the phone rather than through the site is much easier to see if you get along well or not. However, maybe you shouldn't give out your number so quickly. Communicate in the beginning more through email and discuss interests, etc so you can feel the guy out more.

For the guy that still winks and texts you, I'd let him know that you have absolutely no interest in him. Tell him he needs to stop sending messages to you or you will have to report him to the website.

IMO, the guy that said you were jaded and judgmental, seems really desperate. I don't mean desperate that he just wants to date anyone. But, he seems to really like you and is trying to get you to like him the same way he likes you. I don't like that he's "calling you out" like you're the bad guy. He has no reason to say those things to you, and is trying to make you feel guilty. You don't need to deal with that bs. Again, let him know he needs to stop contacting you, because you're simply not interested.

Don't let these guys think they can try make you like them, if you don't feel the same way. You need to look after your best interest!

From my personal experience, I didn't have much luck at online dating. The guys I met weren't what I thought they'd be like. There's some guys just on there that have other intentions then what they supposedly state they want on their profile. It's almost like they write what they think a girl wants to hear in hopes to getting into their pants. Also, when I didn't dig a guy after some communication, I'd stop emailing him obviously and he'd eventually get the hint. If he still persisted, I would block him.

Online dating can be hard and it may take time to weed out the jerks from the genuine guys. I hope you have a better experience than I did, and I wish you the best of luck in your search!

Kelly · Hermes

While I've never been in this exact situation with online dating, I've been in this situation with guys in "real life" and I say you just act the same as you would with anyone. I don't think you're too quick to reject - for whatever reason, you figured out/decided that this isn't the guy for you. You're really doing the guy a favor and not wasting his time anymore, but of course he doesn't see it that way. These two just aren't dealing with rejection well - getting angry at you or failing to notice that you aren't responding aren't normal or healthy responses. It's not your fault - it's just that you happened to reject two crazy guys. If anything, their responses should only reaffirm your decision that they're not right for you!

That guy who insists you're judgmental needs a wake up call! Even if you WERE being judgmental (which you're not), why would he try to work it out with someone who had that kind of flaw? I say just keep being firm with him, like you would with any guy who wouldn't quit harassing you.

The one who texts you every other day, I don't know how long that's been going on, but I wonder if he does that with every girl - like, if he winks at all of his contacts every day, trying to get someone to feel flattered enough to go out with him, without really paying attention to who it is?

Elle · Hermes

Gee, didn't you know the key to online dating is throwing out insults?! You're so behind on how this stuff works!

I think as we get older and have more relationship time under our belts, our sense of what we do and don't want in a parter gets tuned very sharply. I think the actions of these guys to your 'thanks, but no thanks' only confirms that you were indeed correct when you realized they weren't right for you. I'd maybe not write online dating off completely, just lower your expectations of what you'll get from it? That way if you meet someone there it will be a pleasant change from the usual idiots!

For winker #1, I'd block his number so he can't text you anymore, and ignore any future winks from him. If he sends you a message on the site I'd reiterate that you've already said no once, and you won't hesitate to report him if he refuses to stop contacting you. I agree with ttara that he's probably just desperate.

For jerky jerkerson #2, I'd be really really tempted to message him back and tell him that his manipulative insults may work with some girls, but you are hardly so naive and his behavior only confirms that your "jaded, judgemental" impression of him was correct. I'd ask him again to stop contacting you and warn that if he refuses you have no issue reporting him. He sounds more aggressive than the first guy, so I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did end up having to report him.

Maybe keep contact to the site/email only until you know if they're a possibility or not? Minimizes the impact of those that just won't take no for an answer in the future ...

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I guess I was too quick to give away my # (maybe we spoke consistently for a week prior).

I think the trouble is that its not even dating so people are SHOCKED to see they have been eliminated without even me giving them a real try. What they don't realize is that its such a WASTE OF LIFE to persue someone who is not right, and yes I learned that the hard way by spending 4 years with someone I knew wouldn't work out in the end.

#2 has IMed, texted and called since I wrote the first message, I'm ignoring all of it.

tara t · Marc Jacobs

i don't know about the online part of this, but i don't think you're too quick to judge. when you know, you know. good luck to you :)

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Ugh quick update. #2 kept calling and IMing. I shouldn't have answered but I tried to tell him nicely I know it won't work out and I don't want to waste his time, he's a nice guy, etc, He kept saying something like "all you women are the same bitter and jaded, youre just like my exes youre all the same" sounds like he's bitter and jaded! Oh yea he also told me I am bipolar! I told him to lose my number then called ATT to block his number manually, they were closed and I tried to do it online, turns out you can't block numbers on

Suasoria · Chanel

I looked at this earlier but didn't have time to comment - I wanted to say you may very well be flypaper for freaks, because #2 is clearly a freak.

Then I read your update...hoo boy, creepalicious!

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

While you are not judging too quickly, I would wait longer to give people your personal contact information. Creepy-dudes eventually reveal themselves on email (Match.com messaging) too. It just takes a little longer.

Also, use your intuition. I left very little slack for guys on Match. If someone said anything even remotely off-color, I blocked them immediately.

Finally, don't let these weirdos keep you from using Match. I found my husband on it. Think of Match simply as a way to "stock the pond" for meeting new people (romantically and not).

-- Edited by pollyjean23 at 08:49, 2008-09-23