STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I wouldn't talk to him about anything else regarding you looking for another job.

n/m

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 00:34, 2006-01-29

quote:

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Originally posted by: Andrea Julia
" When you are invited to interview in-house for job, you have to notify your boss.  I forgot to mention that.  When I mentioned it to him today, he gave me some advice, but I didn't press for more.  So, I called the lady back and we talked a little and she gave me a project to work on.  I was also invited to interview for another internal position on Monday.  This is also not one of the ones my boss was going to help me with.  Am I sensing a pattern?  None of the ones that my boss said he was going to help me with have contacted me.  Hopefully, that is a coincidence."

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Haven't you ever seen that episode of Friends when Rachel's boss sabatoge's her interview as an Asst Buyer because she doesn't want to lose her as an employee?  Sounds like the same thing is going on with your boss.

I think you need to get out of that company. I think Farrah's right -- your boss doesn't want to lose you. It sounds like all his offers were just to placate you.

I'm with everyone else. For whatever reason, that boss is just not trustworthy, and he doesn't need to know what you're doing. If he finds out that you kept him out of the loop and acts pissed, you can always just sort of vaguely say "oh, I could have sworn we'd discussed it... You know how busy I've been on those TPS reports... or whatever." He doesn't sound too confrontational, so that should get you off the hook. But he definitely sounds like an a--.

The thing is, this guy has already sabatoged you. And he's probably going to come up with a reason to give you a bad reference, regardless. You know better than I do what exactly is appropriate in your company. But I wouldn't count on your good behavior earning the same from him. It sounds like he's already taken advantage of your efforts to do the right thing. So I'm just saying protect yourself as much as possible, and it's probably not worth it to count on anything from a person like this boss.

I don't know that answers to all those questions. You're right there and you know more about the situation. I do know that, in general, if someone wants to screw you over, he can, at least a little bit. And the kind of talk that you could have with a non-asshole isn't going to work here. He knows he's doing these things. It's not like he's going to be surprised or apologetic if you confront him. He'll just have more ammunition to use against you.

My last boss used to sabatoge people all the time. It never worked if they confronted her or got angry. The most effective thing people did was network around her, while saying "You know S---- is great, but I really feel like this is your field of expertise, and she's so busy right now, that it would be great if you could help me out." Sometimes she caught them, and got mad, but there wasn't really anything she could do about it. And she was already trying to ruin their career, so it wasn't like they were any worse off.

Overall I think networking is the best defense against someone like this, but again, I don't know how easy that is to do in your situation. For what it's worth, confronting and asking for answers is always trouble. Your'e entitled to answers, but if someone has already shown that they will treat you badly, you're not going to get anywhere by complaining about the fact that they are treating you badly. They already know.

What are some power moves this guy uses against you? Demeaning you subtly sounds like a big one. Is there any way you can turn that around on him without saying somethign that would sound bad if repeated? People usually don't have built in defenses for the crap they pull on other people. They pull it because they think there's no defense, so turnign the tables can be surprisingly effective. Something like "I really appreciate that it's been hard for you to do the mentoring we had talked about. I don't think the company realizes what a responsibility it places on its managers when it expects that sort of thing..."

Anyway, he probably doesn't have the power you think. He sounds like the type who's always reminding you of how much influence he has or could wield, but unless he actually IS making or breaking other people's careers, I'm not sure he can do that much to you. He might even have a reputation with his peers, too. Which could be why the other woman you interviewed with was so worried about offending him. And if people already know he's an asshole, they won't help you, but they won't necesarily think less of you when he picks on you, as long as you keep things calm. If you start complaining, they'll close ranks and support him.

Wow, reading back over this post, I didn't realize what a mess my last job was... Hang in there, they're not all like that. And good luck!