STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

invite wording

Andrea Julia · Coach

Pardon my ignorance on this subject, but "stock the bar" means stock the bar for the party and not stock the bar in general like they would keep it for the next times they entertained visitors, right?

At the end of the invitation, you might say something like, "Please bring one beverage of your choice to the party" or "We would like each guest to bring a beverage of their choice to stock the bar."

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

no, it means i'm asking each guest to bring something for the couple to take home to stock their bar -- it could be anything from a bottle of wine to glasses to a drink shaker to a bottle of tequila. it's basically "bring a gift that's alcohol or alcohol related". not BYOB.

Hermes

I don't want to offend you, and I am aware that I may be old school in my etiquette, but I don't think there any words that could mask the tackiness of this party's theme. It's basically saying "we're having a party and you are obligated to bring a gift of our choosing." Personally, if I received an invitation like this, I would decline the invitation.

Again, maybe I'm old school, but etiquette seems to have gone out the window these days. For example, it seems a lot of people in their twenties now think it's ok to throw a party for themselves as the guest of honor (birthday's, bachelorette parties, showers, etc.) - something categorized as classic poor etiquette. So maybe poor etiquette is the hip thing now - kind of a bucking of the system - I don't know - I've yet to figure it out.

So, I'm sure there will be people who will disagree with me, but if you want a proper etiquette perspective, that's the only perspective I can offer.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: e_doli
"no, it means i'm asking each guest to bring something for the couple to take home to stock their bar -- it could be anything from a bottle of wine to glasses to a drink shaker to a bottle of tequila. it's basically "bring a gift that's alcohol or alcohol related". not BYOB. "

Oh. I don't know how to word it then. I think that I would just put my name down as a contact and say to contact you to RSVP or with any questions. Then, if someone happens to ask what they would like, you can say, "Jen and Sam really have most things that they need, but they have a new bar and would love to stock it with drinks, shakers, and wine glasses."

You would be running the risk of people not asking and bringing something else or nothing, but I can't think of a better way. Besides, I think most people will ask where they are registered if they are planning to bring a gift for the engagement party (which isn't actually required) and then you can say what I said above.

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

detroit -- i totally agree with you. i offered to throw the party; one of the other bridesmaids came up with the "stock the bar" theme; and the bride liked it. i'm not sure how to say that i don't feel comfortable with the theme -- i guess i want to make the bride happy, so if she's excited about it, i should go along with it?

while i don't think that classic rules of etiquette necessary apply to all modern situations, in this situation so blatently demanding that guests bring gifts is tacky. (although i don't think 3/4 of teh crowd being invited will mind) i don't get it -- i guess people have these parties all the time -- anyway...

any advice on my questions about the locations lines?

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Actually there are many variations of this type of party. I was invited to a stock the kitchen. They came up with a cute saying on the invite but I don't have it any more and it just said something to the affect of bringing an item of your choice so they don't starve. I thought it was a really cute idea.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: e_doli
"detroit -- i totally agree with you. i offered to throw the party; one of the other bridesmaids came up with the "stock the bar" theme; and the bride liked it. i'm not sure how to say that i don't feel comfortable with the theme -- i guess i want to make the bride happy, so if she's excited about it, i should go along with it? while i don't think that classic rules of etiquette necessary apply to all modern situations, in this situation so blatently demanding that guests bring gifts is tacky. (although i don't think 3/4 of teh crowd being invited will mind) i don't get it -- i guess people have these parties all the time -- anyway... any advice on my questions about the locations lines? "

How about "Erin Smith and Jim Thompson invite you to join them at their home to celebrate the engagement of Frank Morris and Susan Parker"

Date: May 1, 2005

Time: 8:00pm

Location: 1 Main St., New York , NY 10001

Please contact Erin at 212-555-1212 to RSVP and with any questions.

(And if you must mention stock the bar, say "We would be pleased if each guest could bring one item to stock Frank and Susan's bar")

Then you may include a separate paper with directions.

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 12:57, 2005-01-21

Hermes

Ugh – even though I don’t support the concept, I totally understand how people can put you in a position like this…

Since you are in a pickle, I’ll offer suggestions.

How about (I found this on the web) :

Jack and Jill’s wedding is not too far…

So let’s get together and

STOCK THEIR BAR!

Date

Time

Address

E doli and Joe Brown*

Jane an John Doe (the other people throwing the party in Jack and Jill’s honor)

*r.s.v.p. 555-555-5555

The asterisk next to your name refers to the number being yours – that’s all they need to know

That’s it. I wouldn’t offer anymore information – if anyone has questions, they can ask you when they rsvp. I think it’s enough for people to go on without being to blatant. If I got this invite, I would probably get the gist of the concept and would not be too offended – it would also lead me (not too aggressively) to bring a huge bottle of good vodka and some tumblers or something.

HTH

-- Edited by detroit at 13:00, 2005-01-21

Elle · Hermes

quote:
Originally posted by: detroit
"Jack and Jill’s wedding is not too far… So let’s get together and STOCK THEIR BAR! Date Time Address E doli and Joe Brown* Jane an John Doe (the other people throwing the party in Jack and Jill’s honor) *r.s.v.p. 555-555-5555 "

Perfect - gets your point across as tastefully as possible.

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

thanks for the help -- this was torturous. i had a friend run it by a copywriter at her office and they came up with these:

To celebrate Hillary and Frank’s engagement, let’s give them something that will prepare them for married life. A fully stocked bar.
Bring a bottle of your favorite booze – and yourself – to Hillary and Frank’s Saturday, February 19th at 8:00 p.m.

Nothing says “congratulations on your engagement” like a fully stocked bar.
Bring a bottle of your favorite booze – and yourself – to Hillary and Frank’s Saturday, February 19th at 8:00 p.m.

We’re celebrating their engagement. And stocking their bar.
Bring a bottle of your favorite booze – and yourself – to Hillary and Frank’s Saturday, February 19th at 8:00 p.m.

so i'll probably go with one of these. they lighten the mood of the invite, which i think lets you get away with the tackiness. it was hard to pull off with the formal wording.

thanks for the suggestions.

Hermes

I like the first one you listed, e doli - it gives the concept a humorous slant and doesn't sound so... hand outstretched... :)

nyc_shopgirl · Dooney & Bourke

stock the bar is more used as a theme for a shower (usually a couple's shower) not an engagment party. At a shower it is not tacky to specify the type of gift since gifts are the reason for the shower in the first place.