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ladysi78250


Dooney & Bourke

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Posts: 714
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Update:Desperately need advice!
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Thanks girls for the advice! I sent him a short email on myspace, thats they only site he checks his emails at. I wrote the following, " I hope you are doing okay. Its been wierd not to talk to you about what been going on. I know you have a lot going on, and you need time to think about where you and I are going. Remember I am here for you and love you."

Well the next day he deleted his myspace account.

He called me yesterday, 10 days since the last phone conversation. He pretty much apologized for not calling. He also spent the 10 minutes of the phone call telling me how its been rough for him lately, he feels things get worse for him. I basically told him he needs to be strong and remember the good things he has in life. He didn't once mention about him and me. Which if I would have known I would have not answered the phone.

A friend who works with him mentioned she talked to him and he said, he was sad to talk to me, because it had been a awhile since he heard my voice. She asked what is it that he wanted, and reminded him perfect relationships dont exist. He just brought up that I hadn't finished school yet, that I dont have a drivers license ( I am 25, and have a fear of driving).


I been really depressed, its hard for me not to think about. I been crying everyday asking myself why it happened. We had such a great relationship in the 3 years, we were happy, or so I thought. I did send him a text saying that it hurt me how he decided to end things. That he made me feel that I was a failure, and I thought he had more confidence in me on the person I am, and will be. I told him I couldnt hate and stop loving him. I wished him happiness and said take care. Of course he did not respond, but I did not expect him to. It was something I had to get off my chest.

The hurt is still very much there, and I just want it to go away.

-- Edited by ladysi78250 at 20:35, 2008-07-13

-- Edited by ladysi78250 at 02:57, 2008-07-18

-- Edited by ladysi78250 at 02:57, 2008-07-18

-- Edited by ladysi78250 at 00:07, 2008-07-29

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Posts: 3120
Date:
RE: Desperately need advice!
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I can see why you're confused! I am too.

I guess if I have any advice, it's to allow him some time/space to sort out his feelings and fears and the various things that are stressing him out. But I think you should call, take a deep breath, and tell him that you want him to take some time to think about where the two of you are going and what he wants, because you don't want to be creating stress for him. Remind him that you love him and you want what's best for him. Which you do.

And don't flip out or get upset, and take advantage of the time to think about healing yourself, especially when it comes to these passive-aggressive tendencies - which WILL cause strain on a relationship, as I know very well.

Hopefully he appreciates you allowing him some time to think, and it deepens his feelings for you because he sees that you're considerate of what he needs right now.

((Hugs)) and I hope things blow over...

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2053
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aye carumba. I think you're confused because he's confused. And the mixed message thing (I want to get married/I'm not ready to get married) is his way of conveying that he is genuinely mixed up right now.

I know this sucks (sooo much) but really you only have two options: 1) wait it out and hope he comes to his senses, or 2) cut your losses and move on.

I'll tell you what's NOT an option though--pushing for an answer. Any kind of ultimatum/just tell me convo is not likely to make you very happy. I just don't think he's going to give you the answer that you want right now. Since that's the case, it sends you right back to options 1 and 2. And only you know which of those two options you're able to handle right now.

Good luck good luck good luck. And keep us updated.

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Kelly


Hermes

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Posts: 5919
Date:
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Wow. That is tough. I agree that you're confused because he's confused. I know this will be hard, but I say wait it out a day or two, then call and talk to him. Don't try to give him an ultimatum, because then he may be pushed into making the wrong decision. And making the wrong decision either way will be a heart breaker. But it isn't fair to leave you in the dark, either. Maybe after some time to think alone, he'll be able to figure out what is bothering him and better articulate it to you so you actually have some kind of launching pad for your own reflections. You two have been together two years, so he may see this as the time that he has to make the big decisions. You can't just go on forever having fun dating, you know? (well you could, but it sounds like he wants to get married eventually). So he's probably taking stock of everything and figuring out where he wants to go from here, and it was unfortunate for both of you that he started talking about it before he really knew what he wanted to say.

Good Luck!!

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
Date:
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I'm sorry you're going through this. My take is a little different, and it may sound harsh at first. But I don't think you guys are necessarily over.

I do think the way he switched back and forth between, "You don't want to get married... now you do? Wait, maybe I'm not ready to get married," had the constant theme of being opposite to what he thinks you want. It sounds like he wants to break up, but he wants to make it your fault.

That's not a mature attitude to take, and I think you should listen to your instinct here. You don't need any confirmation from him. He gave you a bad feeling, you now don't have good conversations with him. Just move on for right now.

That doesn't mean you wont' end up together. Actually, if you can accept that it's valid for him to have doubts, you have a better shot of ending up together. It's just that, for now, I think you should accept what he's said as all you're going to get, and go with it, like Esquiress said.

I wouldn't call him, I would maybe send an email saying you know it's hard for him right now (a little empathy goes a long way with the non-crazy boyfriends) and you accept his right to take some time by not calling you. You're fine with that and you will always wish him well. Then you move to options 1 or 2, wait for him or move on, whichever feels better right now.

That way, you're the classy girl he was stupid to jerk around, rather than the person who keeps making him talk about something that's hard for him to deal with.

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