STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Convincing him to get rid of junk

dot · Marc Jacobs

ummmmmmmm are we dating the same guy?

i don't know how much advice i can offer you nylabelle! i just want you to know you're not alone. my bf does the same thing with envelopes. it drives me INSANE. it's like, you know that's garbage.. why is it not in the trash?

let me tell you a story, one day i was cleaning the apt (i moved in with my boyfriend 3 years ago.. so all the junk was already here!). i found stuffed in one of my drawers a bunch of dusty, old-looking winter hats and gloves. i asked my bf if they were his, and he said that they were left from a party. i asked, "oh the party we threw three months ago?" him, "no"... me, "you mean the party we threw 9 months ago?" him, "no".. me, "oh you mean the party from last year????" him, "no"... then he confesses, "well they are from before i lived here" NOTE! when he said this he had been living in the apt for 3.5 years PLUS!!!!! i was shocked and was like, "OMG IT'S FROM YOUR LAST APT"... and he said, "ummm no....... it's from like four apts ago" WTF? he moved all this crap that obviously people just left behind and didn't care if they got it back. So this probably meant that these gloves and hats were like 8 years old. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anyway, all I can say is we just bought an apt and we're moving. It gives me the perfect opportunity to inspect everything and quiz him about every piece of junk in our apt.

it seems like you're done a good job at convincing him to throw out some stuff. i feel like my bf doesn't really have the motivation to deal with something unless i bring it up or somehow ask him to revisit the issue. then he's very open to seeing that something may not be as useful as he thought 8 years ago when he decided to keep it.

good luck! that's all i can say! just keep posting your frustrations here... there are lots of us in the same situation i'm sure.

Elle · Hermes

In your nicest, non-attacking or nagging way, ask him why he feels the need to hold onto such things. You will most likely get one of three responses:

It's fine/nothings wrong with it/it works

Sentimental value of some sort (legitimate or otherwise)

I might need it someday

Then gently point out that these things are no longer serving an important enough purpose to warrant keeping, and if it ends up being something that you do indeed need at a later date you can go buy one then - the cost you are paying in valuable space far outweighs the price it would be to replace the object in the future.

It sounds to me that he may want to keep his stuff more than he wants his stuff!

dot · Marc Jacobs

wow Lmonet you put that so well.

gruiz · Kenneth Cole

I came to compromise of sorts. My bf can keep the basement and the "office" any way he likes. I'm the one who cleans the house, so when I find his crap, I either put it in the office or in the basement, then it's up to him to move it.

I cringe everytime I look at the office (it's supposed to be my office too, but I hate working in there because it's such a disaster). However, I know that the rest of the house looks decent so I can live with the one room in disarray. It still doesn't keep me from saying "you ever gonna clean this place up?" about every other day.

And about that half of a desk/bar thing? If he doesn't appear to be getting rid of the thing on the next bulk pickup day, you gotta drag that heap out yourself. There's only so much a girl can take.

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

if you have enough rooms that you can give one to him (or maybe garage or basement), i would tell him that's his space and he has to keep all his junk in there. then, like gruiz said, just put any junk of his that you find in there.

or, you could go the covert route and just get rid of stuff. how good is his memory? if he tends to forget stuff you could first hide it for a few weeks to see if he misses it. if not, then get rid of it and if he ever asks where it is, say you don't know. (which is kind of true, since you really don't know where it went after you put it in the garbage...) or tell him you think the old roommate stole it. he he he

-- Edited by e_doli at 16:27, 2005-01-14

halleybird · Hermes

My husband isn't a pack rat, but my mom is a MAJOR one. She likes to tear articles out of newspapers and magazines and then keep them for years. She also enjoys keeping very old catalogs and magazines (she has some from the 80s, no joke).

My stepdad compromised with her by requiring that she keep them organized. She doesn't have to throw them out, but she does need to keep them out of the way. She has several large file boxes for her articles (she keeps them filed by subject, and, yes, she does go back and read them ), and her magazines/catalogs are on racks in her closet. My stepdad is allowed to throw out anything that's not put away.

HTH!

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

I have this same problem with my boyfriend. This has been a cause for many many fights, it drives me absolutely insane. The only thing that really helped was when we moved into our new house. He had no choice but to clean up, and since he needed my help, I was able to throw TONS of things away and even convinced him to donate a bunch of old furniture past roommates had left behind. He's still bad about mail, but we've compromised. He now has certain drawers that he can put papers in (one in the kitchen, one in our bathroom) and one room in the house to do with as he pleases!

I do give him credit for trying though, but he's just naturally really disorganized, and hates throwing stuff away. I would say it's all about compromise, if you can work together, you should be able to come up with a solution you can both live with.

kenzie · Chanel

Thanks, girls. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has a packrat living under the same roof. When our other roommate moves out, I think that we'll be sending some of the junk with him (old furniture, extra set of dishes, ect). That will help clean up some of the stuff. And once he's out, we'll be doing some serious spring cleaning. The bf wants to put the house up for sale this summer, so when we move that will help as well. But in the meantime, I'm drowning in clutter and it's making me crazy!!!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

My dad is a bad pack rat. I use to be one but now I am trying to declutter and throw stuff away. My dad will be driving down the road and see something that is being thrown away and will pick it up even if we have no use for it. Case in point: 2 motorized scooters! My brother and I are 20+!!! We dont' need them.

Packratness is actually a disease that people have to go to counseling for and get put on meds. Its a thought.

f413 · Kenneth Cole

I have the same situation. Pick a day you both have time and energy to devote a few hours and just give him some direction. Go through your stuff as he goes through his. It's much more motivating to do it together.

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

omg--i secretly hope that he never gets rid of his stuff, nylabelle, because i LOVE how you describe these situations (the roommate posts were also hilarious). i feel for you, but it is so funny--maybe you should write a television pilot about your housing woes?