STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> *XXXX
Post Info TOPIC: *XXXX
e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 834
Date:
*XXXX
Permalink Closed

edit.  i felt weird having this much personal info up forever.  love staring at this though:


,,,


 



-- Edited by e_doli at 14:34, 2005-01-02

-- Edited by e_doli at 18:40, 2005-01-04

__________________
lsubatgirl


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2902
Date:
RE: boyfriend, engagements, feeling sad rant
Permalink Closed

Maybe you've just realized that you want more out of this relationship then just living together and that is completely fine.  Maybe he wants to marry you but isn't sure how you'd react if you've both had this talk in the past and said getting married isn't a big deal to you.


I think the best thing is to just talk to him about it and let him know you've changed your mind and you want to get married and get married to him but you want to do it right so if that means waiting a few months more and getting a ring then offer that to him if it would be a large purchase for him.  I think the key is to get him interested in the wedding idea too and not just something to make you happy.



__________________
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

It is extremely common to feel this way after a close friend gets engaged/married.  My SO are the same way about marriage as you are with J, but we are still going to get married - not because we 'need' to, not because we 'have' to, not even because we want kids.  I feel like having an actual wedding is more of a right of passage than anything else, and IMO it sounds like you want the romance and hoopla of a wedding not necessarily that you want/need to get 'married' (me, too).  As for J.'s unromantic ways, the grass is always greener!  Maybe if he knew you weren't entirely opposed to romance on occasion and his effort would be appreciated and welcomed, he would make more of an effort.  Hang in there!

__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 834
Date:
Permalink Closed

yes, i think i do really want the wedding thing as a rite of passage.  i guess a lot of this comes under the heading of "read my mind, goddammit".  i am wanting him to know what i'm feeling and there's no way he's going to figure it out without me telling him.


i have had people (including my friend who just got engaged and my sister who is engaged) that they are envious of my relationship -- that we are so lucky that we have so many shared tastes and still seem so in love.  (and that up until he was outdone this xmas, i guess he did get me good gifts)  i guess i need to appreciate what i have b/c i'm lucky for that much.


 


 

__________________
JMR


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 801
Date:
Permalink Closed

e doli -


First I will tell you - NEVER expect a guy to read your mind...it doesn't happen - you do need to talk to him if this is what you want. Guys aren't intuitive like women - they can't "pick up" on our feelings, or get a vibe, like we do.


Secondly, I will also say engagement and marraige DOES change your relationship. Some (most) for the better, some for the worse, some is just plain 'ol different. I am not advising you to do it - or not do it, just giving you a heads up  -things change. It's not just a ring, or a peice of paper, it is emotional changes, life changes, etc...


Please don't get me wrong - I LOVE married life, and I love my husband, but our relationship has changed a lot and I am sure it will 1000 more times.


I am not sure if any of this helps you - but just be true to yourself...and what  you guys want deep down inside.



__________________
RyanJ


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1915
Date:
Permalink Closed


I am in a similar situation as you. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 years now and neither of want kids, so there is no rush to get married. My boy and I get a lot of pressure from his family- all the women got married right out of high school and had babies- so they think that is what I should do too. My family couldn't be more opposite. My Mom tells me "Not before 30!" I think you should wait before you make any decisions- it always seems we want what the other person has. Marriage can do crazy things to a girl’s head and when you feelings settle and you have more of a clear head than make a decision. If you want to get married then you should tell you boy that. JMR is so right- guys have no idea what we are thinking- after all this time I still can believe my boy doesn't know what I am thinking. I just know when my brother got married and I was helping my sister in law pick things out every once in a while I would get the feeling that I wanted that too, but now I look back and think "Ugh yuck- not my thing". Give yourself a little bit of time to calm down from the holidays and let your head clear. Good luck!


Oh and when I think of the ring this is what I think of- well almost- we would definitely go bigger

__________________
I don’t want no part of your tight-ass country-club, you freak bitch!
blubirde


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4845
Date:
Permalink Closed

First, e_doli, it really says something that you can recognize all the complicated feelings you're having. Most people wouldn't actually admit they were thinking the things you are thinking. I hate when I do something completely selfish (like being sad for me) when my friend is having something great. But I guess it's natural. Sometimes we don't realize we're missing something until it's in our faces.


Second, I hate to say it, but these are the kind of things boys call us pyscho over. We say we don't want marriage, but we do. We say we don't want a ring, but we do. And then we get really mad and upset when they don't act in the romantic way we're now thinking about, when all along we've said we didn't want that.


I'd figure out what you really, honestly, truly want, not what you think you want at the moment. The trick to life is to realize the grass isn't necessarily greener, some people just use different shit for their fertilizer. And then tell him. Tell him everything you're thinking. He'll understand.


Let us know how it goes!



__________________
http://dailypointers.blogspot.com/
halleybird


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 6400
Date:
Permalink Closed

I am sorry e_doli. I have been in that limbo, we're-basically-married-but-not phase too. But if you do really want to get married, you really should say something. You don't have to get all psycho about it as some women do, but he should at least know what you're thinking. Good luck!

__________________
"We live in an age where unnecessary things are our only necessities." --Oscar Wilde
e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

Status: Offline
Posts: 834
Date:
Permalink Closed

thanks everyone.  i have calmed down a little now, and i realized i was just caught up in the moment of being a bratty little kid who throws a fit b/c another kid has a better toy.  all of a sudden it seems like everyone else is having a wedding so i want to have one too.  (don't take this the wrong way -- its not that i want to marry random boyfriend b/c he is there at the moment -- this is the guy, whether we get married or not)


i think i really need to sit down with him and tell him exactly how i was feeling.  maybe not that i want to get married, because i don't even know if i do or not.  after the initial jealousy, i started thinking about all the stress envolved and money you have to spend, and i'm not sure if that all is worth it (for me).  my friend who just got married said he should just buy me a ring.  i would be happy with that.


i'll let you all know how it goes when i talk to him.



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> *XXXX
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard