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Post Info TOPIC: Two dilemmas, Need advice
kenzie


Chanel

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Two dilemmas, Need advice
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Dilemma #1: Christmas Day


My bf and I were supposed to go to my mom's house for Christmas. She asked that we be there by 1. I said that was a little early, but we would try to be there between 1-2.  The bf agreed to this. 


Last night, the bf told me that 1-2 was too early b/c he wanted to stop by his parents' house on Christmas day, too (originally, we were planning to go to his parents' house on Christmas Eve).  So, now we aren't going to be able to get to my mom's house until about 4 and we're going to spend more than half our time in the car going from place to place. 


Here's why I'm annoyed.  I am my mom's only child, both of her parents have passed away and she has no siblings- this makes me her only family.  She also has to work every other Christmas b/c she works in a hospital (she worked last Christmas and has off this Christmas).  I didn't get to see her on Thanksgiving this year b/c she was working and we went to the bf's parents's house.  I see my mom once every few months, he sees his parents at least once, sometimes twice a week.  They have two other sons as well.  Also, his parents don't live anywhere close to my mom, so the driving time would be insane. I really think that we should just go to his parents' on Christmas Eve and my mom's on Christmas day.   He's being stubborn about this, so I told him to forget it, that I would just go to my mom's and he could go to his parents' house.  He doesn't want to do that either.


So, what do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Any other ideas?


 


Dilemma #2: Holiday House Guests


My roommate's sister is coming from California to visit him for Christmas. This is fine, although a minor inconvenience b/c the house is overcrowded as it is. She arrives today.


Last night, my roommate told me that he was going to give her the option of staying in his room or in my room (MY ROOM!!).  I don't really sleep there all that often, I sleep in the bf's room, but all of my stuff, clothes, ect are in there.  I also have to work on Christmas Eve at 6:30am, so I have to be up at 5 and I will need to be in my room to get dressed.  I also have to work the day after Christmas at 8:30am, so again, I will need to be up early.  I don't really want someone I don't know staying in my room (especially since no one asked me in the first place).  I don't understand why she can't stay in his room and he can sleep on the couch (he sleeps on the couch half the time anyway). I don't want him sleeping in my room b/c he smells (see my other posts about my roommate).


Am I being bratty?  Thoughts?


To top it all off, I'm really sick, so everything just annoys me more.  I hate the holidays.


 



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JMR


Dooney & Bourke

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Personally - I don't think you are being bratty about either one. Have you explained it to your BF the same way you did to us?


About the roommates sister - maybe there is a comprimise?? Can you "pack a bag" for the two days - or would that just be a pain?


Off topic - I think I missed something somewhere - your BF was (is) one of your roommates?



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Lola


Dooney & Bourke

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OK you're right on both accounts.


What I would do is to just explain to your BF what you just did to us, christmas eve w/ his parents, christmas w/ your mom, take it or leave it. either that or you're goin to your moms and not seeing him on christmas. end of story. you don't have to be a brat or a bitch about it either (NOT that I'm saying that you ever were being a bitch or brat!) just tell him that's how it is and be really sweet about it. How can he resist it!


about your roomate, how people offer things that are not theirs is beyond me...I would just say really politely that I do not want to have to disrupt her on both fri and sunday by waking her up both days, and *suggest* that he stay on the couch... Then get a lock on your door and lock it up so they cannot get in ;)



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kenzie


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: JMR
"Personally - I don't think you are being bratty about either one. Have you explained it to your BF the same way you did to us? About the roommates sister - maybe there is a comprimise?? Can you "pack a bag" for the two days - or would that just be a pain? Off topic - I think I missed something somewhere - your BF was (is) one of your roommates? "

Packing a bag for a few days just seems like a huge pain to me, especially since I'm sick and exhausted. 


About the bf/roommate thing--we were best friends for a long time, we dated briefly last spring (it didn't work for various reasons), I moved in last May, we fought all summer long (for various reasons having to do with the various reasons from dating briefly) and then I came to my senses and realized that I really care about him and we started dating again in late July/early August.  I was planning to move out, but I haven't. So that's how that happened.  I have two roommates, the slob and the bf.


Also, I did explain the situation to my bf the way I explained it to you. He's just so stubborn.


 



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blink


Coach

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Your boyfriend is being unfair.  You already designated Christmas Eve for his folks, that's it.  Take Christmas and spend it with your mom.  If he wants to join you, great.  You are not being bratty.  Do this while you can, as families grow over the years, it only gets harder choosing who gets which holiday.


I say the roommate had no right to offer your room to his sister, tell him to take back the offer and crash on the couch.  He didn't even give you a chance to be nice and offer it yourself, which you could do also, but only on your terms.



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Fireball


BCBG

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Your boyfriend is being really unfair and stubborn.  If I were you, I would not give up the chance to spend a rare holiday with my mom.  Especially considering that she works most holidays and you're her only family. Go to your mom's on Christmas Day and to your bf's on Christmas Eve.  If he doesn't want to go on Eve, call his parents to wish them a merry Christmas and explain why you won't be there the next day.


As to the room mate- politely decline your room and put a lock on the door.


 



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JMR


Dooney & Bourke

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THanks for the explanation - I did miss something somwhere - but hey, cool that it worked out that way!


Yeah - If I put myself in your shoes...I hate to say it but I would tell my BF that I am going to go to my moms without him - that I really want to be with him - but its very important to be with your mom that day. If he cant comprimise - then go to your moms alone and let him spend it with his 'rents.



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pixie


BCBG

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I think you should spend Christmas with your mom. I know how it is, my mom is an RN and usually works Christmas. He should understand how important this is not only to you but your mom! Besides you all ready made plans.


I use to spend more time with my ex's family on Christmas than with my grandma and totally regret it now because she is no longer with us so I think your family should come first.



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pixie


BCBG

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Hey, just wondering how everything went. I hope it worked out ok!!!



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kenzie


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: pixie
"Hey, just wondering how everything went. I hope it worked out ok!!!"


Hey! Thanks for asking. Everything was okay. My roommate's sister was very nice and she stayed on the couch. As for Christmas day, we ended up going to his parents' for about an hour and then we headed to my mom's. It worked out alright.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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glad it worked out for you!  i just read this thread and think you weren't at all bratty or out of line.  you were being totally reasonable. 


by the way, how rude is it of your room mate to not even offer his sister his own bed after all?  so he offers your room and then gives her the couch?  not very nice!



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