STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Elle · Hermes

Opinions on this issue, please

Hermione · Kate Spade

I think that you've got to wait around until your parents either feel generous or until they pass away themselves. When grandparents die - they often don't leave anything to their grandchildren .

cc · Marc Jacobs

Yeah, it's really up to your parents. I guess it's unfortunate if your grandfather truly intended some money to be given to his grandchildren, but he also could have willed the money directly if he really wanted to.

valenciana · Dooney & Bourke

I don't think it's unusual for parents to keep whatever part of the estate they get from their parents and not pass part on to their kids. Or maybe you will benefit indirectly? Maybe they will us part of that to pay for your wedding or something?

We actually joke about this in my family...because my mom comes from a family of 6 kids, but there are 15 grandchildren. AND my grandparents are showing signs of possibly living to be 120. But my grandma doesn't like to give things away (particularly money - we get about $30 for Xmas each, and they could easily afford much more, despite the large family), and while they have quite a lot to their name, once it's divided by 15+ people...well...

bumblebee · Dooney & Bourke

i think that's the way it's usually done.

-- Edited by bumblebee at 14:00, 2004-12-17

RyanJ · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: indiekitten
"I think that you've got to wait around until your parents either feel generous or until they pass away themselves. When grandparents die - they often don't leave anything to their grandchildren . "

I agree- since it is your parnets money I think it is up to the how much they want to give you.

Elle · Hermes

quote:
Originally posted by: RyanJ
" I agree- since it is your parnets money I think it is up to the how much they want to give you. "

Ha! That's why I'm a little . . . perturbed. My parents have not been careful with their money in the past and as result they have a sizeable credit card debt, two mortgages, and a house in various states of disrepair. While I know it's theirs to spend, it makes me a little sad that they wouldn't even give me $1000 or even $500 of that $20,000+. They know our living situation and that we are going into debt to put my fiance through school and now have a roommate to save money on rent. I guess it just hurts my feelings a little bit and feels unfair - I know this money will be long gone before I ever see a penny and we will most likely end up supporting my parents in their advanced age and settling their debts when they pass. I guess what I mean is I had hoped that the money would be appreciated and used wisely instead of being squandered away.

Fireball · BCBG

Off topic a bit-

Lmonet, if you think that you will ultimately be responsible for supporting your parents as they age, you should start a small fund for them now. That way you will have a little cushion of money put away just for that reason.

Elle · Hermes

quote:
Originally posted by: Fireball
"Off topic a bit- Lmonet, if you think that you will ultimately be responsible for supporting your parents as they age, you should start a small fund for them now. That way you will have a little cushion of money put away just for that reason."

We will definitely think about this when my fiance gets a job, for my fiances parents too. At this point, we aren't able to save for anything while he's still in school. You know, I never planned on my parents being irresponsible and me being the one to bail them out . . . Anyway, if anyone is currently supporting a set of parents or two I would love some tips . . .

Andrea Julia · Coach

LMonet, I sent you a message.

Elle · Hermes

Thanks AJ - I just replied.

Hermione · Kate Spade

hey - Lmonet - if I were you, I would just ask my parents. I would just say something in a semi-nonchalont way like "hey, so, do you think you could throw a little of that money my way? I could really use it now b/c of such and such, or a really need a _____"

Tati · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: indiekitten
"hey - Lmonet - if I were you, I would just ask my parents. I would just say something in a semi-nonchalont way like "hey, so, do you think you could throw a little of that money my way? I could really use it now b/c of such and such, or a really need a _____""

I agree. I would bring it up to my parents too. Just go in there knowing that you wont get
shit though

Elle · Hermes

No way, jose. I am too proud to ask my parents for money. I just hope that they are just too thoughtless to even think of off offering instead of too selfish to share.

bean · Kenneth Cole

hmm... keep in mind that your parents are older and as people age, especially 50+ they really do start worrying about retirement and if there'll be enough money. sometimes we forget how old our parents are. I know I do. just remember you & your fiance are young and healthy, with your whole lives ahead of you.

that said, it is pretty common for people to not leave money for their grandchildren, leaving it up to their kids to give any money if they want. while I would not expect much, I would be pretty hurt too if my parents didn't give a small monetary gift.

halleybird · Hermes

I have a story (as usual)

My grandfather died a few years ago with more than $100,000 in spare cash. He had 5 children and 9 grandchildren. He left $1,000 to each of his kids and $3,000 to each of his grandchildren. The rest went to his girlfriend (a 70-something-year-old woman who lived in another state).

His kids, my aunts especially, were upset. My oldest aunt lived with him (they had a duplex - she had half and he had half) and cared for him from when he was about 80 to when he died at 93. She doesn't have very much, and he left her no more acknowledgement than any of his other kids. He had known his "girlfriend" for about 10-12 years, but they saw each other maybe a few times per year. She received about $80k in assets/cash.

Personally, I was more upset to lose my grandpa. But I think what it taught me is that people don't always consider the impact their wills will have. I don't think you sound selfish; it's natural to want to be acknowledged when someone passes away.

nyc_shopgirl · Dooney & Bourke

Okay this is Ms. Practical here.

1. If it bothers you that much, talk to your parents, bite the bullet and ask. The worse that they can say is NO.

2. If you really do not want to ask, but fear you will be caring for your parents in their old age (another sandwich generation) encourage them to put some of the money toward long term care insurance. It is a great investment and could really help you out in the future and assist in avoiding additional healthcare debt in the future.

fashionista L · Coach

ok, this happened to me my grandma died and she just had in her will that my parents would give us what we needed for the future!! I have seen nothing! I have to pay for my own school too!!

blink · Coach

My Grandfather left all his estate to his 3 children, to be evenly divided. I expected nothing, it was his money to do with what he wanted. Anything your parents received is considered a gift they can use as they will, and any of those assets they may decide to share with you should be considered a gift. The market was way down when my Grandfather died, in November 2001, so the investments were worth a fraction of cost. Never depend on inheritance. My aunt did this and it has really strained family relations.

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: nyc_shopgirl
"Okay this is Ms. Practical here. 1. If it bothers you that much, talk to your parents, bite the bullet and ask. The worse that they can say is NO. 2. If you really do not want to ask, but fear you will be caring for your parents in their old age (another sandwich generation) encourage them to put some of the money toward long term care insurance. It is a great investment and could really help you out in the future and assist in avoiding additional healthcare debt in the future. "

I'll second Ms. Practical! LTC insurance is the only way to go. I've prepared my parents early. They have a bumper sticker predominantly displayed on their fridge saying "be nice to your kids, they'll choose your nursing home." And I'm not kidding and they know it. I told them that they put me in daycare as a child and I was going to do the same. If they want something more for their old age, they better be prepared to cough up, otherwise it's Shady Pines baby!

Conversely, my parents have prepared me to not expect anything from someone's death. I don't care how much money my family members have - I expect them to spend it now, not save it until they die. When my grandfather died, my grandmother let me pick out a few small things of his that meant a lot to me (a couple hats he used to let me wear, an ugly tie I used to make fun of, etc.). I don't even know if he had any money to give to anyone. It's certainly none of my business. That's between my grandmother, my dad, and my aunt.

All that said, having fiscally irresponsible parents sucks! You just have to distance yourself and make sure they know the score. They don't help you, so you're not going to help them. (Even if you really will help them if they need it, it's better they don't have those expectations and plan for themselves.)