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Post Info TOPIC: huge problem
e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

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huge problem
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my boyfriend has this friend who i cannot stand.  picture this:  5'6, long dark scraggly hair halfway down his back always worn in a ponytail, goatee, always wears ratty black jeans and black sweatshirt, possibly negative iq ... i really dislike this guy. (if i know he is coming over i will leave the house)  he is annoying, STUPID, has no social skills or manners.  he goes to the bathroom at our house (#2) practically everytime he is here, and recently he actually took a magazine from the coffee table in the living room to read while in the bathroom -- THE MAGAZINE HE TOOK WAS LUCKY!!!   MY MAGAZINE!!! EWWW!!!!  who does that???


so anyway, i guess he decided last night that it would be a great idea to break up with his girlfriend (whose house he lives in).  now he says he has no place to stay, and he couldn't find an apartment today. 


he didn't ask my bf if he could stay with us, but has called a few times today with updates on his pathetic situation, basically hinting that he wants to stay with us.  my bf has been hinting around the topic all day, but just finally asked me if it would be okay if the guy stays here for "a few nights".  (which i know will not be a just a few nights.  also, he does seasonal work and is now layed off for the season, so he would have no job to go to during the day. my bf and i are both working at home right now so there would be no escape )


i feel like such a mean person.  i said no, and ranted and raved about why there is no way in hell he can stay here, but feel bad about it.  mostly b/c i'm thinking about if one of my friends wanted to stay i would want my bf to be okay with it (but on the other hand, none of my friends are socially inept drunken morons).  should i suck it up and let him stay out of respect for my bf's feelings?



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Kel


Coach

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I think that you did the right thing. I wouldn't let him stay either, but it is not like he is a pleasent houseguest. Plus, with him staying there it will also hurt your relationship b/c your b/f is going to be stuck in the middle. I don't think you should back down. He has to have other friends he can stay with.

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Metric


Gucci

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eew. I feel for you. My bf has alot of skids for friends too, which is weird b/c he is a pretty classy guy. Anyway ...


 If you want to be a good girlfriend let the guy stay for MAXIMUM 3 days. The whole time stress to him that he is only staying until Thursday (or whenever). After three days then make a fuss and kick his ass out. If need to pack his stuff up and leave it on the porch.


Although if it was me I wouldn't do it. It seems like you're taking a gamble that the guy won't leave and you'll end up stuck. Best to just not get yourself in that ituation, IMO.



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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When you start feeling guilty reread the beginning of your post and NylaBelle's (sp?) post about her living situation and pat yourself on the back for standing up and saying no right now.

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e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

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Posts: 834
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thanks.  i needed some reinforcement that i'm not being a huge insensitive bitch.  (or that i am being an insensitive bitch, but it's justified)


the latest is that now my bf is asking if its okay if the guy comes over tonight just to hang out, if he wants to "talk" or something (this means drink beer and become really obnoxious ).  duh, so he'll just come over and then leave to go to his non-existent residence? 


i said no to that too. 



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lsubatgirl


Gucci

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Good Girl.  Keep saying no  until he finds a new residence.  Be a bitchy girlfriend or whatever it takes just don't let him move in.  He will never move out.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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you did exactly the right thing.  good job e doli.  stay strong. 

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dot


Marc Jacobs

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You definitely did the right thing. I was stuck in a similar situation a couple years ago with my bf's little brother. I really can't stand him... and my bf invited him to live with us for 3 months without asking me. I really didn't want him around, but I felt bad so I agreed.

It was the worst mistake I ever made. I feel like if I stood strong and put my foot down... he wouldn't have stayed with us (even if my bf had invited him)... but I was a whimp and let him stay. The situation was really tense... and by the end of the stay I hated him even more and I hated my bf. We almost broke up and to this day I still have tons of issues with this and with his brother....

So in short, you NEED your space. It's your sanity. You are definitely doing the right thing for you and your relationship with your bf.

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Grace


Dooney & Bourke

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I agree with the others. It's your home. You have to be comfortable and happy there. You did the right thing.

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Ally S


Kate Spade

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Whether he's you bf's friend or not, he isn't your friend. All you need is that lounging around your house through the holidays.


Let him find someplace else to go, you and your bf need your own space. You did the right thing.



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~Ally~
kenzie


Chanel

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Posts: 4919
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quote:
Originally posted by: lsubatgirl
"When you start feeling guilty reread the beginning of your post and NylaBelle's (sp?) post about her living situation and pat yourself on the back for standing up and saying no right now."


Seriously, say no. My roommate was here before me, so I didn't have any say about it. He was supposed to move out in September, then before the holidays, now, who knows when he and his mess will move out. Say no!!!! You really don't want a slob living with you. It sucks. And my bf will not tell him to move out b/c he 'feels bad.' It's so awful. Say no, say no!! Stand your ground. I wish I had been here first so that I could have pitched a fit when Mr. Sloppy moved in, but I wasn't, so I'm stuck.

On a similar note, I saw Heather's post about keeping her cat out of her tree and I immediately thought of my roommate---he runs into the tree all the time and knocks needles, tinsle and decorations off. It's not like the tree is in the middle of the room, either. It's in the corner!! Just another reason to say no. The tree is now subject to senseless slobbery as well. Say no.

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halleybird


Hermes

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Posts: 6400
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you did the right thing.


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"We live in an age where unnecessary things are our only necessities." --Oscar Wilde
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