STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

orlando · Nine West

changing your last name

Jahni · Dooney & Bourke

I am normally Uber-traditional and several years ago would balk at the idea of not changing my name....

But now, i'm like you...I don't want to let it go!! So I've decided to either do Jahni Middlename Mylastname Hislastname, no hyphen... or just drop my middle name and use my last name as my middle....i have a feeling it will be the first option...i like my middle name too...

I have also convinced BF that if we do get married I'll be allowed to use my last name as one of our children's first names....

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I would have the same problem. I'm young, have been in my career for 3 years, and there are no boys in my family (and my dad doesn't have brothers or sisters so I'm the ONLY chance at this last name). I will, however, change my last name. I think its a matter of personal preference. I see nothing wrong with either way. I might make my current last name my new middle name. I do want my husbands name because it is tradition. I also want my children, me, and my husband to all have the same last name. But, as I said before I don't see anything wrong with either way. I did talk to my dad about it because I was sad that at some point I wouldn't have my last name and he said that most females go through that and it's okay, but to take my husbands last name. =)

cahabo · Kate Spade

I like the idea of having two last names. This is the way they do it in Spain, and I think a lot of other Hispanic cultures do the same. Their children get both last names too, and when the females gets married, they drop their mother's part of the last name, keep their father's part and then add their husband's. I think it identifies a person better.

halleybird · Hermes

I had a similar problem; my dad is the only male in his family and he only has daughters. Ultimately, I decided to change it and I legally changed my middle name to my maiden name, so it's still a part of me. My maiden name is far more unique, but it's so much easier to put "Mr. and Mrs. Halleybird" on things instead of both our names. But, like HL said, it's personal preference. If we have kids, I am going to try to talk my husband into letting me give them my maiden name as their middle names.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

I got married over 2 years ago and haven't changed it. Reasons:

1. just lazy

2. kinda hard to give it up

3. waiting for husband to decide about wheher or not he wants to remove his second last name. the remaining name we would both take

4. My last name does not mix well with others.

5. In addition to an uncooperative last name, I just know the problems that come along with a hyphenated name. Such a pain!

BargainQueen · Marc Jacobs

I changed it after DD was born, mainly cuz I was too lazy to go to SS office and DMV. I always knew I would change it, but I was in no rush to do it. Like Halleybird, I dropped my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name. My last name is so unique I didnt want to lose it from my title.

NCshopper · Hermes

I was married for over 2 years before I changed my name. In retrospect it would have been easier to do it right after we got married or not at all. I had started to really establish myself professionally with my maiden name and I just think it would have been easier to do it when we got married.

When I was born, my parents didn't give me a middle name, so that made things really easy. I just changed my maiden name to my middle name, so I got to keep it in a way. I'm not a fan of the hyphen thing, mainly because it's confusing and then you usually have to spell out two full names over the phone and that just becomes a pain after awhile.

halleybird · Hermes

PS, I grew up with a hyphenated legal last name (my mom gave us hyphenated last names, but she didn't end up keeping hers!). They are a huge PITA, especially if they're over 5 letters. I ended up having mine legally changed when I was 18.

dangergirl · Kate Spade

personally i would change my name - i'm not really a fan of hyphenated ones and mine is already long enough without adding more to it :)

erin · Chanel

i like my last name and didn't/don't plan on changing it. i think families are such a mesh these days that no one bats an eye that my daughter and i have different last names. (she has dh's)

joy0302 · Kate Spade

I didn't keep my maiden name, but I really wish I would have. We don't have contact with his family anymore after much messiness that some of you may remember, and to tell you the truth I don't really enjoy having any attachment to them.

atlgirl · Gucci

Lone dissenter here, but I changed mine right after we got married and was happy to. It meant a lot to DH (he is a traditionalist) and while I consider myself a modern girl, it didn't really bother me to change it. And it didn't hurt my professional career one whit. It probably helped that I never liked my maiden name, and like DH's better, plus I felt it was a way of distancing myself from my family a little too...but mostly it was a) because I didn't care all that much and b) because it was really important to DH (and he doesn't push for most things).

Whatever you do, it's *your* choice so ignore anyone who gives you crap (either way) about it.

luckylily · Gucci

I didn't change my name and I didn't really put much thought into it. DH has a kind of funny last name that he totally hates. He uses my last name casually, but hasn't legally changed it.

Its one of those things that whatever you decide, someone is going to disagree, so just do whatever feels good to you.

Metric · Gucci

I would change my last name if I married the BF. I have a fairly long Eastern European last name, as does he and if I hyphenated my name would be 31 letters long.
I'm not really tied to my last name. Its long and hard to spell and I don't have a huge connection to my paternal family anyway, so it doesn't have a significant meaning to me.

Hermes

I did not change my last name, but will occasionally use my husband's last name to avoid confusion with hotel/restaurant reservations, etc.

I didn't see any reason to change my name -- I've had my name my whole life, and it has worked out just fine for me smile

Elle · Hermes

I'm in a similar situation as Atlgirl and Metric. My last name was more of a burden than anything (hard to spell and pronounce) and I was tired of people mispronouncing/commenting it. Mr. Elle has a nice normal last name and it was important to him that I change it, so I did. I like it better anyway!

Had the situation been different and I had really liked my last name, I wouldn't have changed at all. What really gets my goat though is when people address things to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. IMO it's terribly outdated and the way it negates the woman's importance also negates any merit it ever had etiquette-wise.

Some professionals change (or add) their husband's lastname legally, but continue to use their maiden name for work. Maybe that would be a good solution for you, Orlando?

luckylily · Gucci

Elle wrote:

What really gets my goat though is when people address things to Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Ourlast. IMO it's terribly outdated and the way it negates the woman's importance also negates any merit it ever had etiquette-wise.

Oy, that bothers me too. Even worse, we recently got an invite from someone in his family that said, "Mr. (his last name) and guest" WTF!?!?!? We've been married for 7 years and I've met the sender on several occassions. Did they think he might bring someone else?

lynnie · Chanel

I still do that teen girl thing where I test out the last name of a boy I like with my first name!
But, if I were to ever get married, I wouldn't be surprised if I just kept my name. I like my last name. Who knows how I'll feel by the time I get married though? It would also depend on how traditional this person was, but i'd like to hope he'd be okay with me potentially keeping my name.

Kelly · Hermes

Honestly I think I'll change my last name when the time comes, but I will be DEPRESSED to see my current one go. I love it so much. Maybe I'll use it as my middle name, like other people have said. I'm not too attached to my middle name - at least not in comparison.

I just don't even know anyone who hasn't changed their last name when they got married, except for my aunt. She got married at 45 and was already a very well established doctor, so it was easier to keep it.

Honestly, the Mr. HisFirst OurLast probably won't ever bother me. "Patriarchal" stuff like that rarely does, unless it actually affects my life somehow. I address letters like that, and no one has ever told me that they're offended by it.

lynnie wrote:

I still do that teen girl thing where I test out the last name of a boy I like with my first name!

hahaha I do it, too! My ex had a name that sounded awesome with my first name, I was sad to give that prospect up. But he used to LOVE it when I'd be the one making reservations somewhere and I'd put it under his name. I just always use the guy's name as a default without even thinking about it (even if I'm just going somewhere with a platonic friend).

-- Edited by ttara123 at 13:42, 2008-01-04