STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

dog (and people) problem

joy0302 · Kate Spade

My dog is home about 10 1/2 hours a day Mon-Thur while we work and then on the weekends for several hours at a time when we go somewhere. I feel bad leaving him for long periods on the weekend since he is up already 4 days a week. I don't see why she wouldn't be ok for 5 or 6 hours though. Maybe you could try having your mom put her dog up in a bedroom or something before you come over and then have Stella in an area that Lily can't get to. Maybe if she puts her up before you get there it will solve the problem of separating them and having furniture knocked over.

Elle · Hermes

Even though it's natural to freak out and separate dogs that are being snippy at each other, it's really only going to enforce the bad behavior. Since Stella isn't aggressive with Lily IMO you have an easier road ahead than if it was the other way around.

I'd start by getting together with really no other important purpose than to try to help the pups along. I'd bring lots of treats that the dogs like. If both are used to being leashed, I'd start with them both outside on the sidewalk (more neutral territory) about the driveway's width apart, you with Stella and your mom with Lily, giving them treats and telling them what good dogs they are. If either of them turn and growl/snip/bark at the other dog, they get a sharp "NO!" and treats are resumed only when they're quiet again and paying attention. If it looks like they're getting it, you can move a bit closer and repeat. If they're doing well you can take it in the house, again lots of treats, petting, and happy praise when they're being good and a sharp "NO!" and restraint (and maybe treats for the other dog) when they're naughty.

It will probably take a few times of them being together with you like this before Lily starts to be less aggressive with Stella, so lots of reminding will be involved. Dog-dog aggression is alot easier to deal with than dog-person aggression, so as long as you're willing to work at it a bit I don't think you'd have a problem fixing the situation. They'll probably never be the best of friends, but they can absolutely learn to ignore each other!

HeatherLynn · Gucci

We leave our dog alone during the day and often times all day on the weekend. I think your SO is being a tad dramatic by saying he doesn't want to visit for very long because he would have to leave Stella alone. Frankly, its your mom's house and if she doesn't want the dog there she is within her right.

I think the best way to get them to at least be tolerant of each other is like Elle said. Our dog was around my family's dog this weekend and they do not get along very well at all because our dog is intruding on the family dog's territory. Dogs are extremely territorial so it's common for them to get snippy with each other. Most of the time if you let them work it out and show which dog is dominant they will be fine after that. Of course you don't want them to get hurt in the process so you want to watch and make sure they don't get in a fight. I would try Elle's method and let them play together in a more neutral setting first.

-- Edited by HeatherLynn at 13:52, 2007-12-27

Kelly · Hermes

HeatherLynn wrote:

We leave our dog alone during the day and often times all day on the weekend. I think your SO is being a tad dramatic by saying he doesn't want to visit for very long because he would have to leave Stella alone. Frankly, its your mom's house and if she doesn't want the dog there she is within her right.

-- Edited by HeatherLynn at 13:52, 2007-12-27

ITA. I think 5-6 hours isn't going to kill Stella. Traci is alone for 9-10 hours every day while I'm at work, longer if I go somewhere right after work. The only issue with keeping Stella inside for a long stretch would be bathroom breaks, I think. But if you have a yard she can stay in or a neighbor that can walk her at lunchtime, I think she'll be just fine all alone.

Elle · Hermes

I dunno, it seams kind of shitty that they can't bring Stella over because Lily wasn't socialized properly and can't behave herself. Just leaving Stella home isn't going to fix that issue for the dogs or for the people involved. I'm not saying you should bring Stella over alllll the time - I'm sure she'd be fine at home for a few hours. IMO it's the principal of the situation. If her dog causes a problem it should be her responsibility to work with Lily to make the situation better (on her own or with a trainer), and should put Lily in another room while you're over at least some of the time if she continues to be aggressive toward Stella.

I don't blame your BF for being a little put out, Kenzie. Leaving Stella home for a few hours isn't a big deal, the reasons why and the fact that it would have to go on indefinitely is what's sort of unfair to you all.

Just to frame this a bit, we're dealing with a similar situation with my in-laws. Our puppy is smallish and doesn't possess an aggressive bone in her skinny little body. They have two big labs, one of which was never socialized and is very dog aggressive, even dominant with their other lab. They won't do anything about the dog's behavior (it won't even wear a collar or leash at all!) and they live too far away for us to leave our pup home (nearly 3 hours round trip just driving). When we go up, we load our kennel in the car and set it up in their spare bedroom, and the dogs get to alternate being out while we're there. Not ideal, but it gets the job done.

-- Edited by Elle at 15:27, 2007-12-27

Kelly · Hermes

Well, I think it's different when it's a 3-hour drive and you may be spending the night. Then you can't just leave your dog inside and home alone for 2 days. But a 5-6 hour absence isn't that long, IMO. Isn't Stella alone while you guys are at work sometimes?

I don't know about you guys, but I don't really bring my dog anywhere with me when visiting other people. The only places she goes are my grandma's house and my parents' house. I bring her to my grandma's because I know my grandma just needs some physical contact and something to snuggle with, and I bring her to my parents' because my mom misses her and she has a bigger yard to play in over there (she used to live there). It sucks that Lilly doesn't like her, but it's Lilly's house, you know? I don't think that it's really my right to bring Traci over everywhere I go. I don't think anything of leaving her alone for long periods of time, as long as she has food, water, and shelter.

HeatherLynn · Gucci

ttara123 wrote:

Well, I think it's different when it's a 3-hour drive and you may be spending the night. Then you can't just leave your dog inside and home alone for 2 days. But a 5-6 hour absence isn't that long, IMO. Isn't Stella alone while you guys are at work sometimes?

I don't know about you guys, but I don't really bring my dog anywhere with me when visiting other people. The only places she goes are my grandma's house and my parents' house. I bring her to my grandma's because I know my grandma just needs some physical contact and something to snuggle with, and I bring her to my parents' because my mom misses her and she has a bigger yard to play in over there (she used to live there). It sucks that Lilly doesn't like her, but it's Lilly's house, you know? I don't think that it's really my right to bring Traci over everywhere I go. I don't think anything of leaving her alone for long periods of time, as long as she has food, water, and shelter.

Ditto. I don't take my dog anywhere unless I know it okay and even then I only take her when I know I'm going to be gone for a really long time or they specifically ask if I will bring her. I guess my thought is I feel comfortable enough to leave her alone if I go to dinner/bars/movies/etc that I should feel comfortable leaving her when I go to visit others. Some people aren't dog people and I don't want to intrude on them. I know that even though I am a dog person I would feel uncomfortable if someone always brought their dog with them when they came to see me.

kenzie · Chanel

HeatherLynn wrote:
Ditto. I don't take my dog anywhere unless I know it okay and even then I only take her when I know I'm going to be gone for a really long time or they specifically ask if I will bring her. I guess my thought is I feel comfortable enough to leave her alone if I go to dinner/bars/movies/etc that I should feel comfortable leaving her when I go to visit others. Some people aren't dog people and I don't want to intrude on them. I know that even though I am a dog person I would feel uncomfortable if someone always brought their dog with them when they came to see me.

I never really thought about bringing a dog with me to anyone's house until I started dating SO. Several other members of his family also have dogs and bring them to each other's houses whenever they visit. And a few of our friends have dogs that like to play with Stella, so we take her to their houses sometimes.

I, personally, do not have a problem leaving her at home (yes, she is at home during the day while we're at work). But otherwise, we are home with her a lot. A few hours on a weekend or on a weeknight isn't a big deal. She is well-loved and well taken care of.

But, I do agree with Elle, that the principle of the matter is the issue. Lily is a really nice dog, but she isn't as well socialized as she could be and that's what is causing the issue. My mom also seems to think that because she had a bad experience with a large, black lab at a pet store when she was a puppy that she doesn't like any large, black dogs (like Stella). My mom also doesn't think that Lily should be put in a room away from everyone else when Stella visits since it is her (Lily's) house.

I'm going to suggest that we try Elle's ideas and see if that works at all. They do seem to be okay when they are both outside. It's indoors (whether at our house or my mom's), that the issues occur.

Elle · Hermes

HeatherLynn wrote:

Ditto. I don't take my dog anywhere unless I know it okay and even then I only take her when I know I'm going to be gone for a really long time or they specifically ask if I will bring her. I guess my thought is I feel comfortable enough to leave her alone if I go to dinner/bars/movies/etc that I should feel comfortable leaving her when I go to visit others. Some people aren't dog people and I don't want to intrude on them. I know that even though I am a dog person I would feel uncomfortable if someone always brought their dog with them when they came to see me.

But the only reason it's a problem at all is because Lily has a bit of an issue getting along with others. Not because they aren't used to having animals in the house or they aren't dog people. The only reason Stella's presence is an issue is because of Lily's reaction to her, not her presence in and of itself.

I swear I'm not a crazy dog freak who totes her dog everywhere! But it's really nice to be able to bring your dog with you and let them run or hang out with you (and other dogs!) somewhere - it's great brain stimulation for them to be in a new environment with new people/dogs and things to check out and smell, and if there's a nice fenced yard to play in all the better. The socialization is as good for them as it is for us

.

I hope your mom is receptive to doing some training with Lily, Kenzie. Most dog trainers do individual consults/sessions for a few bucks too, if she'd be open to that but doesn't want to go through a whole class with her. Definitely helped keep us on track and it was nice to have someone to ask questions of.

NCshopper · Hermes

Can you and your mom and Lily and Stella meet somewhere at a park for a little while during the week or on weekends? I'm wondering if you get them on neutral turf if that would help Lily get used to Stella. If they start getting along at the park, maybe you could slowly ease into having Stella go visit Lily on Lily's turf, like having her go over to the house, but only staying in the back yard while Lily's inside.

It's been awhile since I've had a dog, so I'm not sure how these things work, exactly, but I don't think it's impossible for them to get along.