STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

How to Handle This?

Elle · Hermes

I agree that you should tell your husband in this particular situation, only because there was a possibilty of you guys seeing him socially in the future. You'd end up having to explain why you didn't want to see him again anyway, and then you'd either have to lie or tell him then, which I could see causing some distrust. Would probably be best for him to know in case it escalates, as well.

I don't think you should out and out tell him off in the email, since IMO it could have professional repurcussions for you. If he's as forward in general as he's been with you, I wouldn't put it past him to say untrue things to your fellow contractors or prospective clients as future trade events. I'd be as firm and straightforward as possible in your email, and consider reporting him if you have any kind of governing agency/association for your industry.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Elle wrote:
I don't think you should out and out tell him off in the email, since IMO it could have professional repurcussions for you. If he's as forward in general as he's been with you, I wouldn't put it past him to say untrue things to your fellow contractors or prospective clients as future trade events.

Good point by Elle--this guy has already shown he's bananas, so it would be totally conceivable for him to fly off the handle and start badmouthing you... ugh how frustrating!

NCshopper · Hermes

I also agree that you should tell your husband. In my opinion, full disclosure means you're not doing anything shady, but if you don't tell your husband, he's bound to find out and then wonder why you didn't tell him. I say it's better just to confront it now. Plus, it's not like you did anything wrong, so there's nothing to hide.

As far as telling the other dude to knock it off, I'd email him what D wrote. I think that nips it in the bud without being aggressive about it. Then I'd save a copy of your email to him so you have it as back up if you need it.

Good luck--that sounds like an incredibly uncomfortable situation to be in.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

I would -

1. Tell your hubby asap.

2. Respond to the email with "I have no idea why you choose to send me thess completly innapropriate emails and messages, but it is absolutly unacceptable that you continue to contact me in any way going forward, as I feel this boarders on sexual harrasment. If you do not cease from this immediatly I will have to contact the authorities.."

Dont give him any room for thinking this is ok. He could be a totaly nut job, he could have concocted some crazy love affair in his head with you - whatever the reason he is obviously off his rocker and needs to be firmly told to back off.

Also since you cant contact an employer , you could contact HIS employer since he sent you these from his work email , or you could contact the police department.

Good luck .. let us know what happens!

ILoveChoo · Hermes

ew

I agree with telling your hubby too- only because he liked thwe guy and might want to hang out which would be awkward.

I think I'd go with D's email too- not that you have to believe it (although I would entertain the possibility that his account was hacked if they suddenly stopped- I've had that happen to my myspace often enough). It shows that you aren't interested, but keeps things open enough to manage to interact professionally.

dana · Nine West

Thanks everyone. I have talked with my husband tonight and he thinks its best to just not respond at this point. I agree as 2 days with nothing makes me feel a little better. My internet access was out on monday so I didn't get any of the mail until Tuesday and that was the last day he sent anything. I think to reply now will maybe just stir it all up again.

I do not think his account was hacked. He was very personal in the mails and mentioned things we talked about at the trade show so I feel it was all deliberate.

suasoria he is self employed, a contractor just like me. There is no one to contact, I decided to not tell his fiance as I dont want to really piss him off. I think just ignoring him is good for now.

blubird I like your suggestion. if he writes again I'll do that. He also met a friend of mine and after said to me "shes kinda hot" so I told her about what hes done to me and shes aware.

I feel a lot better that my husband is aware and doesn't think I did anything to make this happen. You girls have been alot of help!

Suasoria · Chanel

You can block (mark as spam) anything from his email address too (if you haven't already).

You must tell your husband, because this could so easily degenerate into a bad situation requiring a restraining order. Electronic harassment is a crime in many states, and includes unwanted obscene or threatening emails.

Him being out of town is a blessing - you can just say you wanted to talk to him about it in person vs. on the phone. He may have some great ideas for stopping it.

And the fact that you might happen to see him on the trade show floor someday is irrelevant. He doesn't have any means control over you - he's not the one getting you jobs. Even if he was, this is not someone you want to be interacting with.

I pity his fiancee. May she realize what a scumbag he is before it's too late.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I'm just seeing this thread now and you already talked to your husband, which would have been my advice too. Sharing this with him can only be a good thing, both for the good of being honest and also so he'll be aware in case the situation escalates in any way.

As for if you do ever address this directly with Mr. Pervert (if he keeps bothing you, that is), in my experience men like this need to be told directly to leave you alone. Hints don't work. If his mindset is so skewed that he thinks it's acceptable to send you unsolicited porn, then I seriously doubt he'll get the real message behind "oops, you probably meant this for your fiance!"

Blubirde is right, you should document everything. I hope he leaves you alone now!

-- Edited by scarlett at 20:26, 2007-12-07

pradapinkshoes · Nine West

I do employment law, and the best thing you could do is go to HR and make them aware of the situation. You're putting your job in jeopardy, as well as your reputation. If he did in fact send this email, that's a form of sexual harassment. By not contacting the appropriate individuals at your company you are actually putting yourself at risk. Go to the company before the company comes to you for participating in the behavior. You're more at risk than you know.

dana · Nine West

pradapinkshoes wrote:

I do employment law, and the best thing you could do is go to HR and make them aware of the situation. You're putting your job in jeopardy, as well as your reputation. If he did in fact send this email, that's a form of sexual harassment. By not contacting the appropriate individuals at your company you are actually putting yourself at risk. Go to the company before the company comes to you for participating in the behavior. You're more at risk than you know.

There is no HR or anyone to "come to me" for participating in any behavior. I am a contractor and so is this guy so no one else cares (besides me and my husband) about what he does. I haven't participated in anything except being friendly.

Thanks again for everyones support!