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Post Info TOPIC: Update on the Immature Brothers in law Situation
BargainQueen


Marc Jacobs

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Date:
Update on the Immature Brothers in law Situation
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For those who missed it, here's the orig. thread: http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=44784&p=3&topicID=11970627&topicPage=1

Well, a few months ago I bought an antique wood mirror w/stand and took it apart because it didnt fit in our room.  DH's 20 yr old brother put it outside because "it was in the way". Whatever, I let them put it on the side of the house and figured if it ever rained I would bring it back in.  On Friday, I couldn't find it anymore and found out he threw it away!!!  Just because he was tired of seeing it, OUTSIDE, where HE specifically requested I leave it! 

So DH, tired of his brothers lack of respect for DD and me, he decided to call his dad and ask for his advise (who BTW is a deadbeat).  Instead he accused DH of scheeming to get rid of his brothers so DH and I could keep MIL's house to ourselves.  He then goes on to tell him that he will make sure his brothers move out and that "they never interfere with his life again" and hopes "this doesn't bring our family any grief because of what DH did.  WTF?!

Anyway, when I came home from the gym, DH walked me into BIL's room and showed me that he had moved out all his stuff while we were at work.  He didnt even tell DH he was leaving.  I felt so bad for DH because he was sad and dissapointed that they never got the point and made DH feel like the bad guy. 

So now that his two brothers are gone I should be happy, now the little brother, the one we have custody of, can have his own room, but I can't help but feel really bad and guilty.  Even though they made my life miserable when they were both there, I feel like the b*itch wife who made her DH break all strings w/his family.  DH has been really great reassuring me they need to grow up and mature to realize the way they treat people and not to be so hard on myself.  I just hope they'll come around and at least be good w/DH again.

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Drew


Gucci

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Posts: 2553
Date:
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Well, his brothers may never come around, some people never do.  My sister and I still have a rocky relationship in our 30's, and I always thought she would "grow up," and I guess she must have, it's just who she is. 

Toxic relationships need to end, and while I am sorry your DH is heartbroken and you feel badly, I am happy to hear the BILs have moved out.  You and DH know your intentions and you two know why they needed to move out (or you two/three!), so it really doesn't matter if other people want to twist things and view the situation 180 degrees differently.  You know the truth. 

Focus now instead on properly raising the young brother and building the family life you and DH deserve.  While it was a tough way for this situation to end, rarely does family strife end happily ever after (at least not that I've ever seen).  Good luck building your new life!

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blubirde


Chanel

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It's better this way, even if it is painful. My advice is to change the locks and make the home your home, if you can. Living with family, even mature family members, is never easy. DH would never have a good relationship with his brothers as long as they lived with you. The resentment would eat away at everyone and that lasts a lot longer than a quick break.

Besides, it's way more important for the little brother to grow up in a normal household, as opposed to the one he was in. You guys are better off.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Posts: 3120
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Ugh. How frustrating. All I can say is keep supporting DH, reminding him that it's not his problem, it's theirs, and focus on having a happier homelife with less stress and more peace - that's the reward for these struggles.

My own DH has some issues with his parents and his brother/SIL (and don't we all), but what helps him is to remind himself that I'm his real family now, not them, and his priority is to us (and our DK, darling kitty).

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Kelly


Hermes

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Posts: 5919
Date:
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blubirde wrote:

It's better this way, even if it is painful. My advice is to change the locks and make the home your home, if you can. Living with family, even mature family members, is never easy. DH would never have a good relationship with his brothers as long as they lived with you. The resentment would eat away at everyone and that lasts a lot longer than a quick break.

Besides, it's way more important for the little brother to grow up in a normal household, as opposed to the one he was in. You guys are better off.



ITA. I know this must be horribly painful but you are NOT the bitch wife, and DH knows it. He has a bitch family! I'm sorry you have to go through this - I really don't know how you do it. Hopefully the brothers will realize the reality of the situation, although it may take a couple years.



-- Edited by ttara123 at 16:10, 2007-08-28

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
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