STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Elle · Hermes

Am I being THAT kind of wife?

Hermes

Elle wrote:

He left the house and came home very late, and is still upset at me this morning. Because it's 'my fault' he can't go fishing. He doesn't get to go do stuff like this very often and I know it would be alot of fun. To me though that's beside the point - he had previous obligations and it doesn't really matter what they are.

He's being childish and and I interpret his not coming home til late as pouting. He needs to grow up and act like an adult and honor his previous obligations. JMO

there will be other opportunities to go fishing - when he calls to tell this guy he already had plans, he can ask if they can do it next weekend or sometime in the near future...

member · Hermes

Oh I don't think you are being lame at all. I think Mr. Elle is wrong. He needs to suck it up and go to the wedding - he can hang w/his friend and fish another time. I would be upset if SO did this to me, because it is crappy to just back out of obligations at the last minute, not to mention, he knows what's going on w/your family situation and should be there for moral support. I'm really sorry about your parents, and I hope Mr. Elle realizes he needs to go to the wedding! But you are definitely not being a controlling wife!

-- Edited by shopchicago33 at 11:08, 2007-07-13

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

Doesn't sound at all like a controlling wife to me...you simply expect him to honour his prior commitments.
As to the ridiculous baby watch....I'd just walk in and proclaim loudly...NOT PREGNANT, THANKS! :)

Elle · Hermes

Okay, good!

The fishing situation is unfortunate - it's some kind of ... tournament? derby? for tuna. Would be super fun and we'd get lots of fresh, fresh, fresh tuna out of it. And he and I were just talking about how much it sucks that we moved back here in part to be able to do things like that, and how he hasn't really gotten a chance to.

To bad, bitch!

Kidding, of course

. But if someone invited me to some huuuuge super clearance shoe sale event that day, my first thought would be "Shit! I can't go because I have plans already! Sucky, sucky, sucky, but nothing I can do."

He'll get over it sooner or later, I guess.

zeitgeist4 · Gucci

Elle wrote:
But if someone invited me to some huuuuge super clearance shoe sale event that day, my first thought would be "Shit! I can't go because I have plans already! Sucky, sucky, sucky, but nothing I can do."

He'll get over it sooner or later, I guess.

I agree with what you said here. He's just pissed he has to be at a wedding that he previously said he'd go to, rather than having day of fun w/ his buddies. You're not at fault for making him stick to his commitment.

And good luck at the wedding. blankstare

brazilian · Dooney & Bourke

You are definatly not in the wrong. He's just being a butt.

Actually, its funny. The same thing happened with me and my BF (well I guess not the same, but...). In a couple of weeks my family is having a family reunion and BF has planned to come with me. Just yesterday we get an e-mail about a paintball tournament that his Dad's family does every year. It's like 50+ people. I know he really wanted to go, but he was just like, of course I'm still going to the reunion with you.

So, your DH might not get the same experience if they go another time, but I'm sure they could still go another time. He'll get over it. I just hope he's not pouty at the wedding when you need his help with your family. smile

Bastet · Kate Spade

I think he's being a little childish. He already agreed to go to the wedding with you. And if you've got some family drama going on right now, he should be there to support you.

One useful tactic I use to diffuse the Baby Bump Watch among my family is to order some wine asap. That way they can either make the correct assumption, that I am not pregnant or they act scandalized that I am drinking while pregnant, and then look like idiots when they chastise me and I look at them like they're crazy.

Elle · Hermes

Thank you guys so much - I really appreciate all your replies.

Bastet - that's a good thought on the wine! I will definitely use that tactic as soon as the ceremony is over. Provided there's wine, of course. It's a punch 'n paper plates sort of shindig

.

And, some sweetly sarcastic responses to "Sooo are you pregnant?!"! Ready?

- No. Are you?!?!
- Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just asked that! You must be so embarassed!
- If and when we have something to tell, believe me, you'll be the first to know...

atlgirl · Gucci

Exactly what D said. Your DH is just out of luck, and I think it's rather crappy of him "asking permission" of you to make it your fault. I'd be so annoyed!

If you don't mind (maybe) hearing the response, you might try, "Why, do I LOOK pregrnant?" to the askers...with a steely-eyed stare...do they have enough sense to cower in embarrassment if you ask that? Or you could just go with the straightforward, "It's none of your business" and walk away. I'd do that if my family pulled that crap. Fortunately they're smarter than that (or they just don't care if we ever have kids).

I'm sorry to hear about your parents, though. Hugs to you!

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

Your husband should go to the wedding with you b/c he committed to attending. A wedding isn't something he could just blow-off b/c something better came along. People want to share this important event with him. Also, he should go to support you. I think he's being immature about the whole thing.

Elle wrote:
And, some sweetly sarcastic responses to "Sooo are you pregnant?!"! Ready?

- No. Are you?!?!

Also, I think this is the best reponse to that (very rude) question. It throws the weight of the conversation right back into the asker's face, and there's no subtlety so there's no room for mis-interpretation. You can also remain wide-eyed and innocent while asking, making it seem like they're not getting under your skin.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I would have said let him fish since it's something special, not something that you could do next weekend. And as you said the wedding is a punch and paper plates thing, second weddings. Plus he might be thinking about fishing and have an attitude the whole time at the wedding...

Elle · Hermes

Cortney1982 wrote:

I would have said let him fish since it's something special, not something that you could do next weekend. And as you said the wedding is a punch and paper plates thing, second weddings. Plus he might be thinking about fishing and have an attitude the whole time at the wedding...

Well, nobody tells the fish that it's tourney day. They'll still be out there, ready to bite when he doesn't have a wedding to go to. The fishing can be had again sans tournament, but the wedding will never happen again at all - I think my aunt would be hurt if we didn't both go. The paper plates and punch wedding is de riguer in our (large) family and isn't that way with the intention of being more casual/low key, that's just how weddings are. Which is why nobody knew how the heck to act at my wedding (with food! and wine!), but that's beside the point.

You guys who are saying he's going to be pouty at the wedding though are spot on, and likely he'll be that way for the rest of the day. Frankly now I'm upset and think that he might be more trouble than help if he goes, so how should I handle that? He'll likely not go fishing even if I tell him to now, out of spite. Guess I still get stuck hanging out with the whiny twit at weddings ...

-- Edited by Elle at 14:02, 2007-07-13

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Ok , here is what I would do with my DH in this situation.

Tell him , that after thinking about it , you realize that he is an adult and you cant force him to to go to the wedding. While you would greatly appreciate it,and hope that he would want to support you by attending , you realize that perhaps fishing is more important to him in this situation.

THEN tell him that you will respect whatever decision he does make.

TRUST ME, if he goes fishing he will feel like a total ass. AND if you drop it and stop nagging it should make him feel less defensive and start thinking a bit more rationaly about what the right thing to do is. (which would be attending the wedding)

On a side note about the prego thing - Start drinking immediatly. That is always obivous that someone isnt prego. If someone still says something I loved the responses above - "no im not , are you?" and "you must be so embarresed to have asked me that since I am not"

HTH!

blubirde · Chanel

I'd throw a fit if/when the boy acts this way. You're totally right and he's totally wrong. It sucks for him to miss the fishing but that's the bitch of a prior engagement, isn't it?

It's really unfair of him to put you in the situation of having to decide for him, and it's especially unfair for him to act like he's terribly put out by having to go (thereby ruining your time as well). If it were me, I'd definitely point this out to my BF.

I think this is totally a guy thing. Every BF/SO/DH I know has pulled something like this at some time or another. It's like they get to act like a baby if they don't get their way. If they're unhappy, we have to be unhappy too. It blows and it's terribly immature. (If I sound particularly snarky about this situation it's because I'm feeling you man - boys suck.)

Hopefully he'll get over it soon and I hate to say it (because it's like giving in), but you might have a better time facing everything alone than dealing with a whiny and bratty boy, as unfortunate as that is. :(

jj · Kate Spade

What blubird said.

And seriously, haven't we ALL had to pass up something fun at one point in our lives because of a prior commitment? He's gotta buck up and get over it.

I could maybe see his point if EVERY weekend were scheduled up the wazoo with family commitments, then I would say maybe IN THE FUTURE we would pick and choose or RSVP's more carefully. But he's in for this one.

Hopefully he will surprise you and be on his best behavior tomorrow!

littlebean · Kate Spade

Oooh, annoying! I like AllieGurl's advice.

Elle · Hermes

AllieGurl wrote:

Tell him , that after thinking about it , you realize that he is an adult and you cant force him to to go to the wedding. While you would greatly appreciate it,and hope that he would want to support you by attending , you realize that perhaps fishing is more important to him in this situation.

THEN tell him that you will respect whatever decision he does make.

Hehe, I repeated this almost verbatum when he called me from work. I was a little afraid it would backfire if he was still really mad, but it sounded like he'd already come around a bit and it totally diffused the situation. I think he might have bitched to his coworkers about it and gotten a couple raised eyebrows - softened him up reallll good. Silly boy.

He's hitting the grocery store after work, and made voluntary plans to work on the house with me and take the puppy somewhere fun this weekend. Niiiiiiice boy, that's a niiiiice boy.

What would I do without you girls? You're the best .

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Elle wrote:

AllieGurl wrote:

Tell him , that after thinking about it , you realize that he is an adult and you cant force him to to go to the wedding. While you would greatly appreciate it,and hope that he would want to support you by attending , you realize that perhaps fishing is more important to him in this situation.

THEN tell him that you will respect whatever decision he does make.

Hehe, I repeated this almost verbatum when he called me from work. I was a little afraid it would backfire if he was still really mad, but it sounded like he'd already come around a bit and it totally diffused the situation. I think he might have bitched to his coworkers about it and gotten a couple raised eyebrows - softened him up reallll good. Silly boy.

He's hitting the grocery store after work, and made voluntary plans to work on the house with me and take the puppy somewhere fun this weekend. Niiiiiiice boy, that's a niiiiice boy.

What would I do without you girls? You're the best .

Awesome! Us wifey's need to stick together :) Yeah I have learned with my hubby after all these years this approach ALWAYS works best.

So glad it worked out AND his guilt is making him do some extra's around the house for you ;)

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

Okay. It has been said, like, eighty times already; but I just want to add my two cents. I am super easy-going. It's natural for me to be like the Resolve Carpet Cleaner Lady - - "That's okaaay!" No one in their right mind would describe me as ball-n-chain. In fact, I am probably too permissive. But, even I can say that you are right and he is not. Tough doodie is what I say.