STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lovelygirl · Kenneth Cole

No First Dance?

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Tell him to drink a few glasses of champagne before hand, then he wont really care about being in front of everyone ;)

HeatherLynn · Gucci

What about taking dance lessons before hand so he will be more confident?

Lilykind · Hermes

I would never force anyone to do something they really didn't want to do. Plus, it;s your wedding and you should be able to do/not do whatever you'd like.

My BF is a very reserved person, as is his younger brother. His brother got married in April and he didn't do a first dance with his wife. BF doesn't want to do a first dance either...he's convinced he has two left feet. Also, alcohol doesn't work for him...he doesn't really drink.

Maybe see if he's willing to go with you to a private lesson. But if it's really torturous for him, don't feel like you two have to do the first dance for tradition's sake.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I'm in the exact same situation as you -- my fiance is afraid of the first dance for the same reasons as yours. And like you said, I don't want to force him to do something he's uncomfortable with. At times he says he does want to get over his dancing fear so we can share this.

We've been talking about it and weighing the pros and cons of first dance vs. no first dance. We're considering dance lessons, or even dancing by ourselves for the first part of the song and then having our families join us on the dance floor, which would allow us to have that first dance but not be the only people out there. But, if he really doesn't want to do it I won't push for it.

Jahni · Dooney & Bourke

If he's worried about being all 'lovey-dovey' in front of everyone why not do your first dance to a non-traditional, more upbeat song? Maybe a song you both love to sing together or something? That way you both win..

littlebean · Kate Spade

Dance lessons are a great idea to suggest to him. But speaking as someone who hates having all eyes glued on her, I can understand why he would feel that way -- I'm 99% sure that I wouldn't have a first dance and hope that I won't get pressured into doing one by my boyfriend/family/friends (not that you're pressuring him, but you know what I'm saying). So I agree with Lilykind. I often think first dances are really silly-looking when I watch them in the audience, and have been to several great weddings without them, so I wouldn't feel like it is something you have to do for tradition's sake.

luckylily · Gucci

My DH and I both hate having all eyes on us during a private moment, so we didn't have a wedding at all! So, I can totally see why he might want to skip it.

Here's a potential solution tho: At my BF's wedding, she and her new husband started the dance, then within about 30 seconds the wedding party joined them on the dance floor. So, they got to have a first dance, but having a few other couples on the floor took the pressure off them.

lovelygirl · Kenneth Cole

Thank you to everyone who responded-- I appreciate all of your insight. I had a talk with my fiance and we discussed a few options and I could tell he was still a little uncomfortable. So we decided not to have a first dance, which is okay with me-- he promised to slow dance with me in the bridal suite at the end of the night. That sounds romantic enough for me :)

-- Edited by lovelygirl at 23:04, 2007-07-11

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I'm sorry to be the sour one here... but no first dance at a wedding.. no lovey dovey? doesnt want everyones eyes on him........ ISNT THAT THE POINT OF A WEDDING????

the entire night will be filled with romantic, lovely dovey sentiments, everone will watch you both, everyone will clink the glasses and want to watch you kiss. Are you guys prepared for those things too or am I the only one who goes to overly cheesy romantic sappy weddings where people expect to see two people showing affection?

lovelygirl · Kenneth Cole

XtinaStyles wrote:

I'm sorry to be the sour one here... but no first dance at a wedding.. no lovey dovey? doesnt want everyones eyes on him........ ISNT THAT THE POINT OF A WEDDING????

the entire night will be filled with romantic, lovely dovey sentiments, everone will watch you both, everyone will clink the glasses and want to watch you kiss. Are you guys prepared for those things too or am I the only one who goes to overly cheesy romantic sappy weddings where people expect to see two people showing affection?

Nah, I think the point of the wedding is to get married :) I would never want to do a first dance just because other people expected it. I thought it would be a nice, romantic moment for us and if it makes my fiance uneasy, I don't mind if it's private. I just want it to be a happy, comfortable day for us-- and in the end, that means what works best for us and not other people's expectations.

littlebean · Kate Spade

lovelygirl wrote:

Thank you to everyone who responded-- I appreciate all of your insight. I had a talk with my fiance and we discussed a few options and I could tell he was still a little uncomfortable. So we decided not to have a first dance, which is okay with me-- he promised to slow dance with me in the bridal suite at the end of the night. That sounds romantic enough for me :)

-- Edited by lovelygirl at 23:04, 2007-07-11

I had an "awwww" reading that, how sweet. smile

Lilykind · Hermes

lovelygirl wrote:
So we decided not to have a first dance, which is okay with me-- he promised to slow dance with me in the bridal suite at the end of the night. That sounds romantic enough for me :)

Awwwww...that sounds so sweet.

(this is also the only way I ever get to slow dance with BF...when we're in the privacy of our place.)

Kelly · Hermes

XtinaStyles wrote:

I'm sorry to be the sour one here... but no first dance at a wedding.. no lovey dovey? doesnt want everyones eyes on him........ ISNT THAT THE POINT OF A WEDDING????

the entire night will be filled with romantic, lovely dovey sentiments, everone will watch you both, everyone will clink the glasses and want to watch you kiss. Are you guys prepared for those things too or am I the only one who goes to overly cheesy romantic sappy weddings where people expect to see two people showing affection?

For me, those lovey-dovey moments are actually the exception to the rule. Most of my family and some friends forego all or most of the traditional stuff that makes everyone look at you- like the first dance, the garter/bouquet throw, the clinking glasses/kiss thing, etc. When one of my cousins got married last year, they decided to not even kiss at the altar. And that's a ton of weddings right there - I have 40+ cousins, so there's a wedding every time you turn around.

I'm really private about that stuff - so I want my wedding to be small and I don't want my fiance to get made if I don't want to kiss for the glasses clinks, or do the garter thing (that's a DEFINITE no. I will just not get married if he thinks I have to do that), or a lot of that stuff. I'm not saying it can't be fun or whatever, but just that....if being romantic in front of a lot of people is a requirement for a wedding, I'd just as soon not have one. So I can totally understand where lovelygirl's fiance is coming from. It doesn't meant he wants to get married any less wink

-- Edited by ttara123 at 09:27, 2007-07-12

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

I sympathize completely -- my DH and I didn't want to have a first dance, but after dinner no-one would take the floor! All of our guests were waiting for us to dance first! I was so f'ing frustrated! So we just gritted our teeth and did the shuffle-shuffle-step-sway thing to whatever song was up on rotation. Just keep in mind that your guests may be expecting it. I only had one attendant, and she wasn't comfortable dancing, so DH and I were on our own. It was over quick.

needsfashionadvice · Kate Spade

luckylily wrote:
My DH and I both hate having all eyes on us during a private moment, so we didn't have a wedding at all!

We didn't either! We were both so uncomfortable with the fact that all those people would be there strictly for US that we decided to have a little ceremony with just our parents there. We're both pretty shy though.

dangergirl · Kate Spade

i'm glad you've come up with a solution you're both happy with. i can definitely identify with your fiance - i have always hated dancing and i feel so self-conscious that i never dance, so i definitely would not want to dance in front of loads of people!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

i'm glad you came up with a solution too. this is already a perfect example of what a great team you'll make during your life together -- you talked it out and reached an understanding you're both happy with. not to get too serious on you...:)

weddings should be a reflection of the couple and what they want, and it sounds as though yours will be exactly that. there are certain things i won't do at my wedding -- no garter toss, *definitely* no cake smashing in the face, and maybe not a first dance either. i told my fiance if he smashes cake in my face i'm filing for an annulment that night. ;)

Kelly · Hermes

scarlett wrote:

i told my fiance if he smashes cake in my face i'm filing for an annulment that night. ;)

When my cousin got married, his wife made him *promise* not to smash the cake. Well, he did. She screamed "You f*cker!" and slapped him in the face! (and she's normally a super sweet person) She ran into the bathroom all pissed off, and one of the little kids ran to his mom asking, "are they going to get a divorce?" biggrin

-- Edited by ttara123 at 11:58, 2007-07-13

brazilian · Dooney & Bourke

^^ OMG thats so funny. Well, too me. I would have yelled at him too, but then just smashed a whole piece of cake in his face. biggrin