STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

All I can really say is your bff is way out of line and is acting very childish. Regardless of how she views your relationship, she has no business doing what she did.  

When I was in my early college days, I was in the backseat of my friend's boyfriend's car and they were having a ridiculous fight. It was really uncomfortable and he kept twisting her words around. I piped up "that's not what she meant" which then directed his fury on me. After he dropped us off, I apologized for interfering. She was cool with it, but from then on out, he treated me like I was some meddling busybody coming in between the two of them. That was the moment I learned not to involve myself in other people's relationships.

After last night I'm not even sure how I feel about her. After getting the email my BF sent her, she responded with this...

"oh and the other reason i had a problem with her being with you was bc it didnt even seem like she was in love with you...it seemed like she just wanted to get married or be in a serious relationship with whoever. and i just didnt want her making a mistake...but i guess i was wrong...so dont worry about me being a bad influence anymore bc her and i arent friends any longer."
 
I just cant believe she said that. I dont know where she would ever get that idea. The only reason I could think of is that I rarely talk about my BF to her, because I know she doesnt like him, so I feel uncomfortable if I were to bring it up. And if she was so concerned about this, again, why did she not say this to me??? Ughhh...  The only thing I want to say to her is how uncalled for those emails were. Especially that last one.

while I don't suport her actions in any way shape or form, you say she is your BFF. How long have you two been friends? I think a good friendship is worth saving, even if you start to detach yourself slightly. 
She sounds really jealous and scared she'll lose you.  Is there any way you could just tell her that you're upset at what she did , but you love her and would like to work things out?  Maybe giving yourself some time to cool off?  To me, a solid friendship is like marriage in a way, and sometimes you hit rough patches where there are misunderstandings, miscommunications, childishness, etc.  If you've had doubts about her all along, maybe its time to re-evalute, but if this is an isolated event, than i'd try to work things out. 
Its tricky territory when a bf/bff don't get along.  I always wonder if its usually territorial, or because we want our bff to end up with the absolute *best* (in our own eyes- not theirs- which is kind of effed up.) 

I just really dont know what to do. The thing that bugs me is that this isnt the first time shes done this. Shes emailed him before saying he isnt a good enough BF.

I dont know. I dont want to give up on our freindship. Weve been friends for over 10 years. We have had times though when we didnt speak to each other. I think she has a problem with actually working things out, and I eventually just give up and forget whatever happened. On the other hand though, I feel like if we try to work it out, or we come to an agreement to not talk about him, that isnt something I want. I feel like even if she saw how great my BF is, she will always not like him. And I dont want to censor myself around her, to make her happy.

I'm so torn. Thanks for all the advice girls. I still dont know what to do, but it helps being able to talk about it.

Hey - I'm rarely on here anymore, but I decided to lurk, and I have to say something.

1) Your BFF isn't your most important problem here. Yes, she's being very immature. (Myspace, really?) But I read her actions as the snapping point. It sounds as if frustration has been building for her for some time. Has she ever done something like this before? Does she generally have your back? Because everything she's done has had two motives. First, to protect you from someone who she thinks isn't treating you right (more on that later) And second, to emphasize to you that she is your friend, and that she should receive more consideration.

2) Your boyfriend is in the early stages of a controlling relationship. Go ahead. Disagree. Hate me. I'm right. Here's how I can tell: First, he is upset and concerned about where you go, and feels like he has the right to put limits on it. I don't think he was reasonable to limit you visiting a stranger's house, when you're with a group (one on one, ok, but a group?) Further, from what your friend said, this is a pattern for him - to limit your time with your friends based on plausible-sounding reasons. That's REALLY not good. Even worse, he defends it not with, "This is just something I want to ask," like a normal person, but with, 'This is just what's reasonable," like a controller.

Second, his response to your friend was to absolutely discard anything she could say and insult her. He didn't even consider the possibility that he could be doing something wrong. That is a her, a HUGE red flag. Normal people say, "Wow, I didn't know I came off like that." Controlling people say, "You're wrong! And you have BLAH flaws too..." Then they just start making accusations. Which is exactly what he did. He didn't stop to consider for one second that this is your best friend, and he should tread a bit lightly, even if she's out of line. Actually, that he should let YOU respond BECAUSE she's out of line. He attacked. RED FLAG.

3) I get the impression your boyfriend would love it if this friendship died. If someone I cared about was losing a friend, I would feel terrible for her. I woudl encourage her to talk it out. Maybe understand the other side. Or, let it go for a little while to let things calm down. I wouldn't be reminding you that your BFF should support you in whatever you do (she should. But it is REALLY hard to watch a friend being mistreated. I've been on both sides of this one.)

4) When in doubt, I think you should always give the girl the venefit of the doubt over the guy, if someone is making you pick. It's just a good rule. She did say some rotten things, though. So maybe you don't want either one.

5) Because you don't have to satisfy either of the two drama queens in your life right now. You can set standards for how you want your BFF to treat you, and let her decide whether or not she will meet them. And you can set standards for your BF. I would start that pronto, because I don't think he's going to like it. If he balks, or tries to tell you he doesn't need standards, or really comes up with any argument at all, please get out. Because the proper response when a friend or girlfriend asks for something important to her is, "I understand. If it's important to you, of course I will." He just doesn't sound like that's goign to be his first response. I think his first response is goign to be to tell you there's something wrong with you. And no one should have to put up with that in a sensitive, close relationship.