STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Vanessa · Kate Spade

Hypothetical Question about relationships

cat · Marc Jacobs

That is pretty much how things started between me and my current bf,however;there was an instant strong attraction to each other.
We only took it slow because I wasn't sure if I wanted to get involved with anyone.After two and half months of being friends and casually dating we realized things had become serious,and we have no been together for a year and a half.

Kelly · Hermes

For a while I dated this guy, for about 5 months actually, and it went really slowly. I was unsure about him and about getting into a relationship, but we were fine and getting stronger as time went on. Still, even after 5 months I wasn't ready to call him my "boyfriend" or really commit to him. We stopped dating because I basically left him for an ex who wanted me back. I don't regret that I did that because my ex and I had a much healthier and longer relationship the second time around, but I still thought about the 5-month guy all the time. I know that if I hadn't gotten back together with my ex, that things would have worked out with us. We haven't even talked in a couple years, but even now I still have dreams about this guy and wake up missing him terribly. He's affected me much more than some of my longer, more serious relationships.

So no, I don't have any stories about it working out, exactly, but I think it can. I think it would have for me if the timing had been better.

It would be worth asking yourself why you're not head-over-heels, though. If you're really consumed at work, or have different lifestyles, or if you're just not crazy about him and waiting for something better to come along. With 5-month guy, I wanted to take it very slowly because he was in the airforce, and very serious about it, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into the lifestyle of constantly missing him or wondering if he was okay while he went on secret missions for months at a time. Shortly after we broke up, he went on a multiple-month mission and I know it would have killed me if I was trying to have a relationship with him. I'm not saying that it couldn't have worked out - just that I wanted to be extra sure and careful. So see if you can figure out what it is about him that you're hesitant about.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 20:03, 2007-06-20

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I'm feeling really strongly about the relationship posts lately... wonder if that means somethings up in my life... anyway...

Yes, I have been in a relationship like that and I asked the same questions you asked. I got a response from a lot of people (friends, coworkers, etc) that it happens. As long as you are having fun and enjoying each other let the relationship develop to see what is there. I had one friend say she wasn't sure of marriage after 4 years of dating. They did eventually get married (two years later) and now are so incredibly happy. The guy that I was asking about and I broke up. We ended up growing too far apart. In relationships you need to spend time together so that you do grow together. Everyone will always change, but it's important to change together and him I didn't. After 3 years of dating we broke up.

I would say give it some time to see if anything more develops. If nothing does then maybe it isn't meant to be. As far as how long to give it... who knows... Good luck!!

member · Hermes

Hey Vanessa - this is actually how B and I started out! When I first started seeing him, he wanted to take things really slowly, and I like you, questioned it. We only saw eachother once or twice a week and didn't talk every day..it was very slow in the beginning...I honestly didn't know if it would ever go anywhere, but I'm a success story! Over 5 years later - here we are, happy and committed as ever (as you already know!). If you want to chat more about it, or just want an ear, feel free to pm or email me!

Collette · Chanel

DH and I started out very very slow, seeing each other once a week and usually during a weeknight, not even weekends. Talked maybe twice a week and for the first 3 months saw other people before we finally decided to move into real dating. Even then it was pretty slow moving. I think throughout our entire relationship things sort of moved at their own pace. I'm grateful we moved slowly, we took time to really get to know each other and build a real connection. Now 6 years later we're married and happy!

blubirde · Chanel

I don't know... I really like the beginning of a relationship when all you want to do is spend time with the other person, when everything they say is interesting (and vice versa), and you communicate all the time. That part of it is so special.

That said, it's also all rubbish. It's everyone on their best behavior, getting caught up in the moment, and saying things they probably don't mean 6 months later. So yeah, it's fun, but it's not substantial, at least not in my opinion. The real substance of a relationship comes after all the fun and games and you still want to hear what the other will say about this and that, etc.

As for me, I've had it both ways. I've had relationships/experiences that started out super slowly and one went on to a long term relationship and one ended not so nicely. I don't think there is any hard and fast rule - it's all about the individuals involved.

nikkib222 · BCBG

I know that I don't post a lot, but I'm glad you posted this, Vanessa. I'm currently in a simialr situation and was wondering if starting slowly can work since it is different from everything that I ever experienced.

I guess I am a little biased and I'm going to say that I hope taking it slow can work. Hearing the success stories makes me hopeful also! But I also think that if it was meant to be, then it will work out, whether you start slow or not.

Sibeski · Dooney & Bourke

It worked for me!
I had just gotten out of an intense and long-term relationship when I met hubby, I was 19 and he was 21. I instantly liked him but I really wanted to date and have a chance at being a crazy young girl. We were both in school and had opposite work schedules. Honestly we probably went at least a year with seeing each other maybe once a week. After that we ended up having the same break at school so 3 times a week we had lunch and studied. Crazy-kids!
Meanwhile I never even went out on any dates! I was soo busy and when I did have time I tried to spend it w/ hubby.
One day it just hit me. HS! I think I'm in LOVE! He had already told me he loved me and that when the time was right I would love him back.
So, 7 years after we met we got married. We've been married for 4 years and are working on baby #2.
I sometimes think back to the crazy-passionate relationship I had before hubby and just think,"Thank GOD I got out of that!"

kenzie · Chanel

This is how D and I started out. Granted, we had the issue of being coworkers to deal with, so that prolonged it even more. But we were always really attracted to each other and we were always close (and eventually best) friends. Once we finally started dating (officially, anyway), it moved pretty slowly. Obviously, we saw each other at work, but we only spent one or two nights a week hanging out and maybe one weekend evening.

This went on for about 2 months and then we gradually started spending more and more time together and now we see each other every day (and we no longer work together). I have practically moved into his apartment and haven't spent a night at my house in over two months. I'll actually be moving in with him when his roommate moves out. Which hopefully, will be soon because we really want to save for a wedding/house/the future/etc and it will be much better when I'm not shelling out tons of money for an apartment that has essentially, become a glorified storage unit.

So yeah, I definitely think that relationships that start out slowly can work. I think the key factor is the reasons for taking it slowly. With me and D, it wasn't because we weren't sure about each other; it was for other reasons that complicated our situation. We knew we were right for each other, but in our case, rushing it wouldn't have been the smartest thing.

Sorry. Long post. I hope it made sense. smile

-- Edited by kenzie at 16:00, 2007-06-23