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ico


Dooney & Bourke

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...not really sure what to do...(may become long)
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Hi everybody
I have meen away for a while, but that's mainly b/c of the move and adjusting to be in a "new" place...
Anyway, a short summary: last summer I met a guy while in Italy. In the meantime I started looking for a job here.
The thing with the guy seemed to go well, he came to visit in USA, and at the same time it looks like I have a job starting in September. For now I am doing some small teaching jobs.
In any case. Everything seemed to be nice and well with the guy: he's very sweet, asked me to move in with him (I don't feel like doing this until I have a better job), and so on.
Until last week, when I discovered (by chance, I was really not looking for anything) that he had been chatting with several girls. It' - how can I say- pretty heavy stuff. He immediately said it is from before we met: well, the last ones were from the day before!

I wanted to leave right there, he convinced me to stay and said those things don't mean anything to him, he does this when he's bored and so on...
I am doubly upset: first, when I was in USA, chat was our main means of communication, and I feel like our conversations before were on the same level of those "don't mean anything to me" things.
Second, I feel like I don't know him, he's a different person that I thought he was, if I think about this it almost seems like I am dealing with 2 different people!
And last, I am not able to trust him anymore, at least not like before.

dunno... it seems to me like he's looking for something I can't give to him...
so what's the point of being together?

I am so upset and confused... hope you can help me a bit...

tia

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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I will tell you my first instinct in reading this- DUMP HIM. You hardly know him, you havnt invested a lot of time into this relationship and he is obviously lying to you. I would look at this as a postive , thank goodness you found this out early enough to jump ship. As my mom always said "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" .

So sorry, I am sure this is so awful for you to feel betrayed :(

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FashionPrincess


Hermes

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AllieGurl wrote:

I will tell you my first instinct in reading this- DUMP HIM. You hardly know him, you havnt invested a lot of time into this relationship and he is obviously lying to you. I would look at this as a postive , thank goodness you found this out early enough to jump ship. As my mom always said "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" .

So sorry, I am sure this is so awful for you to feel betrayed :(


Ditto. I'd drop him like a hot potato!



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Kelly


Hermes

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Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the impression that you were already in Italy by now?

Anyway, even if you have known him for a long time and have invested a lot (...like moving), I still say dump him! If you can't trust him, you can't have any kind of real relationship. If you still lived at home, would you be questioning whether to stay with him? Or would you be doing it? I don't know how much his presenve is tying you to Italy, but if he's the whole reason you came, then I'm just afraid that you're only giving him a chance because you feel like you gave up so much going over there for him. But he's been decieving you since he met you, lied when you found out about it, then tried to belittle what was happening (an, inadvertantly your relationship) by saying that those girls didn't mean anything. That doesn't sound like someone I would want to be with. My current BF is an angel, but if this one incident happened I would still break up with him. Regardless of how great he's been in the past.

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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I agree with the other girls,I would dump him.

I'm sorry,but you don't deserve to put up with that.

I don't say that lightly as I am firm believer in trying to work things out first;however,cheating(how ever you define it) is one of those things that calls for just breaking things off immediatley.


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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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I think that the chatting is not neccessarily cheating and not neccessarily a reason for leaving. I think it is very common that men will look online, or chat online just to escape reality and fantasize. I am not saying it is right but I am saying it is more common than us women know. Ask your guy friends their opinion, I am sure half of them do this crap behind their gf's back.

That said, I think the fact that he lied about it says much more. He had a chance to fess up and give you a chance to forgive him and he chose to wrong you again. I think he needs to figure out what whether he wants a commitment (living together) or is even ready for it. Maybe he asked you to move in for the wrong reasons.

Good luck with what you decide.

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