STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Sisters Wedding .. Rant :(

Mandy · Kate Spade

Sorry to hear your sister's wedding is costing you so much. Thats crazy. I think all too often brides get so caught up in their special day that they forget about others involved. Are the other bridesmaids shelling out tons of money too? Maybe you could mention to get that its getting tough for some of the girls.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

Wow! That is a lot of dough! Do you have to stay at the hotel at the wedding site? Or maybe have someone who would watch your dog for you? I hope at least the bridesmaid dress is pretty.

blubirde · Chanel

Ugh - I feel you. I think brides are so wrapped up in their own world during a wedding and the wedding planning, that they fail to see how the whole thing affects other people.

I'd definitely say no to the t-shirts. As for the gift, I'd get the smallest thing on her registry (I'm equating small with inexpensive).

It's tough. I don't think there are any ways to get out of it though, unfortunately. I've been in a similar situation and the only thing you can do is grin and bear it (and bitch to us at ST).

Good luck on making it through the big day (or week?).

jj · Kate Spade

I've been involved in many weddings that sound similar to your situation - doesn't it seem like weddings are getting out of control lately? And it's almost impossible to say no because she's your sister.

I'm guessing she is inviting you to both showers so you are included as her sister, not because she necessarily wants to hit you up for multiple gifts. I would just get her something small for the second one, or maybe make her a photo album or collect recipes to put in a book.

Have you asked all the bridesmaids to contribute for the bachelorette party? They might be willing to help out.

erin · Chanel

can you skip the limo, and maybe just ask a hubby or so to be designated driver?

my sister's wedding was really expensive in terms of dress, paying for the shower, etc that i REALLY cheaped out on the gift because i was pissed. (i also told my dad if they divorced within a year, he had to reimburse me for my dress!)

honey · Gucci

maybe this is violating the laws of wedding etiquette, but i honestly don't why you have to go to two separate showers and get two separate gifts. it all seems kind of exorbitant and i would think that any reasonable person would see that, but again i could be totally wrong.

are you close with anyone else in the wedding party (obvs outside of your sister)? would it be possible to pool resources and split a gift? or is that horribly tacky?

honestly if i were in your shoes i would skip out of the last invite. i feel like you're doing more than your share, you're paying for 1/2 the bachelorette party.

eta: i also think you should talk to your sis. i know you don't want to, but if you're feeling the pinch i'm sure others are too, and maybe she just doesn't realize it. also is it possible that the second shower is to accomodate people who can't make it to the lingerie shower. imo it seems totally plausible that this could be the case and the invite is more of a courtesy and not necessarily her thinking you must come and bring a gift.

-- Edited by honey at 21:42, 2007-05-16

bex · Chanel

first off, i don't think all brides are wrapped up in their own little worlds. i know i have been VERY cognizant of the fact that not all of my BMs have a lot of money.

Alliegurl- don't buy your sister gifts for all of these events. i know i don't expect any of my BMs or MOHs to buy me gifts. to me, that seems silly and unecessary especially b/c they shelled out so much in terms of the dress and throwing the shower, etc.

also, i would ask the other girls for $$$ as well. i know all 5 of my girls are chipping in for the shower and bachelorette party.

good luck. its hard with some people b/c they don't realize and if you are anything like me, i hate being whiney about money and i usually end up just doing it and hurting my bank account!

NCshopper · Hermes

I also agree that you don't have to buy her gifts for every event, and I'd even go so far to say that you don't even have to attend all the events (except the wedding, of course.) You have a life outside of this wedding and are entitled to pass on an event or two because of scheduling conflicts.

dangergirl · Kate Spade

NCshopper wrote:

I also agree that you don't have to buy her gifts for every event, and I'd even go so far to say that you don't even have to attend all the events (except the wedding, of course.) You have a life outside of this wedding and are entitled to pass on an event or two because of scheduling conflicts.

i agree with all of this. sorry that its turning out so frustrating for you

Alikat · Kate Spade

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time with this! I know how expensive wedding related events an be, and personally am aiming to keep mine low.

Definitely don't feel like you have to buy her a gift for every event! and you should ask for the the other BMs to chip in for the bachelorette. Tell your mom it would be sweet if she had the tank tops made for everyone since it is her idea.

Kelly · Hermes

That is ridiculous! I know she's your sister but that's a ton of money. Can you totally skip the "lingerie shower" (only mail a small gift if you want to), ask a neighborhood kid or relative to watch your dogs for less money, and scale back the bachelorette party majorly. Do you have to pay for everyone's drinks and get a limo? Considering how much money everyone else is already spending on this wedding, I'm sure no one else wants to help pay for all of that, anyway. This really sucks... I'm sorry it's costing you so much!

kittenheels · Coach

Oh, I am sorry! I think you are doing a great job. It's fine not to go to everything - the wedding is the biggest event!

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

Wow...I am in shock at the amount of activity and money going into this...
It seems to me that excess is the key word.
I know as her sister there is an expectation that you would be at all the events in order to wish her well and participate in the excitement but all those showers AND a bachelorette party? I thought one should one should replace the other.
But in terms of your particular situation....I suppose if it were me I would have to sit down and chat with her and explain that these expectations were completely unrealistic considering my budget.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Thanks girls. Really not much I can do about it, Since I am her sister I feel that I have to be supportive and go to every event. I just needed to know that I wasnt insane and other people thought that it was a bit extreme. :) One more month , then this whole thing will be done with!

blubirde · Chanel

bex wrote:

first off, i don't think all brides are wrapped up in their own little worlds. i know i have been VERY cognizant of the fact that not all of my BMs have a lot of money.

Alliegurl- don't buy your sister gifts for all of these events. i know i don't expect any of my BMs or MOHs to buy me gifts. to me, that seems silly and unecessary especially b/c they shelled out so much in terms of the dress and throwing the shower, etc.

also, i would ask the other girls for $$$ as well. i know all 5 of my girls are chipping in for the shower and bachelorette party.

good luck. its hard with some people b/c they don't realize and if you are anything like me, i hate being whiney about money and i usually end up just doing it and hurting my bank account!

I didn't mean to imply that all brides are bridezillas or anything like that. There's just so much going on in a wedding that I think it would be hard for the woman in charge to see every, little thing. Obviously there are exceptions - you sound like a very nice bride.

In my experience, though, to be perfectly honest, you considerate gals are few and far between.

But I do think that brides don't intend to have their attendants pay a lot of money or be negatively affected by their wedding. I think most brides just want everyone to be as happy as they are (including your sister, Alliegurl). I suppose it's just an issue of the not seeing the forest for the trees, eh?

Hang in there, AG, you can make it. One month from now and your sister will owe you big.

jrhampt · Kenneth Cole

Wow, that's a lot of money. I've never spent more than $500 total as a bridesmaid. Good God.

littlebean · Kate Spade

Lingerie shower + Bridal shower + Bachelorette party + $400 bridesmaid dresses = Crazy! I know that I would definitely not be able to afford so much travel, gift-giving, etc. Hang in there! You're being very generous. Don't be afraid to put your foot down if your mom and sister continue to ask more of you, or to say something gently if you think that the other bridesmaids are being stretched financially -- you're definitely being supportive and I think that they've just gone wedding-crazy.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

I can understand wanting to be involved in every even in support of your sister. Could you...

Get a regular wedding registry gift for one shower (but perhaps less than you would spend regularly since this is running so much money), then give her more of a thoughful yet inexpensive gift for the second shower? Maybe a nice photo album of the two of you growing up, or a chronical of all this wedding hoopla with fabric swatches and photos of fittings and such?

Did you decide to cover helf the cost of the bachelorette party, or was this something that others assumed that you would do? I don't think you should have to pay for half of the expenses for the evening. As a bridesmaid I offerred to pick up more of the expenses than the other guests, but not so much that it burdened me.

I wish you luck in handling this gracefully while not going into debt on your sisters behalf!

-gd

Kitty · Hermes

I completely sympathize. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my college friends wedding, and in the end, I probably spent over $1,500 on the whole thing. Once you factor in the dress, the shoes, the gifts, the hair, the make-up, the travel, etc. It's a small fortune.

All of my friends are in their early 20s and that's one of the reasons I am not having any bridesmaids in my wedding...I really don't want to impose these costs on other people.