STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jj · Kate Spade

Secret $$$$

Kitty · Hermes

Dishonest. I would NEVER do something like that.

I think it's fine to have separate accounts and separate money, but they shouldn't be kept secret.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

Kitty wrote:

Dishonest. I would NEVER do something like that.

I think it's fine to have separate accounts and separate money, but they shouldn't be kept secret.

ITA

littlebean · Kate Spade

Kitty wrote:

Dishonest. I would NEVER do something like that.

I think it's fine to have separate accounts and separate money, but they shouldn't be kept secret.

I agree. But if this is possible, I think it could be both smart and dishonest -- dishonest in all cases, but also smart if you're in a bad/unstable relationship.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Sounds like a plan for disaster IMO.

I would never lie to my husband, that seems so wrong. Besides how would she like it if he had "secret money" that only belonged to him? A marriage is a partnership, and partners need to be honest and forthcoming as well as SHARE.

brazilian · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with everyone. I dont think theres anything wrong with you having a seperate account, but you shouldnt have to keep it a secret.

squishy · Coach

unless there are extenuating circumstances (like littlebean mentioned), this can be problematic.

but what's weird is that i've definitely heard of men doing this, but there seems to be more backlash when women do it...

dangergirl · Kate Spade

seems to me that if you've got such little faith in your relationship that you need secret money then maybe you shouldn't be in it

luckylily · Gucci

I tend to agree w/ dangergirl. If you are in a relationship where you think you might need a secret financial cushion, there could already be a problem there.

Also, if you think "something might happen" something probably will.

lynnie · Chanel

i might be the only one but i dont' think its a big deal. It doesn't have to be a secret fund- you get a job and just open your own bank account.
and i dont think having funds that your husband doesn't know about is all that bad- even if you're in a healthy relationship. i agree with the thought that you never know... I can't say one way or the other what i would do, but i think women are usually the ones screwed when it comes to separation/divorce.
Of course, everyone has different feelings on this. If its never occurred to you, then i dont think you need/want a secret fund.

cahabo · Kate Spade

The only time I think it would be okay to have a secret stash of cash is when you're saving it up to give the spouse a surprise gift.

jj · Kate Spade

To clarify, in my relationship, I do not see the need for the secret fund, nor would I ever create one.

I just thought it would be an interesting topic for comment and debate, because it is something I have never considered and found interesting.

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

I used to work with a girl that had a secret savings account. She did it because her DH (although an awesome guy) didn't believe in savings accounts. His philosophy was that if they needed money he would just make more. Of course, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, hence the secret savings account.

Drew · Gucci

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I think it is a way of maintaining a little bit more independence. I also wouldn't be upset if I found out my guy had a secret account.

jj · Kate Spade

Farrah - your friend is so smart to do that!

The one thing that appealed to me about a secret fund was having $$$ to do whatever I wanted with it, and not have to be accountable to my spouse. Sometimes, it feels like everything is a negotiation - should he be able to spend $75 on a round of golf? do a really need a facial? etc. etc... And right now, we are trying to save money for some more house renovations, which exacerbates the problem.

So, as a result of that friends lunch, we have created separate "no-questions-asked funds." We get XXX amount of money per month to do whatever we want with it, without getting the raised eyebrows from the other. It seems to be working so far.

erin · Chanel

no secret, but like farrah's friend, i started an ing savings account just because we didn't have one. i did it without asking and then told him about it later just because he thinks we don't need a savings. (our checking is well padded, but earning no interest!)

boobaby · Kate Spade

I don't really have a problem with it. I have so many friends who were screwed over when the marriage ended. Anything can happen - even being widowed can cause financial ruin.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I dont get the point. In a divorce, it would legally have to be split anyway. I have my own credit card that I can sue if I want to buy something for DH as a surprise (so it wont show on the bank account), and we've done the separate accounts thing before, but we never lied about how much we had.

NCshopper · Hermes

I generally don't condone secrets and money is one of those things that is SUCH a dealbreaker for couples that having a "secret" fund just seems like a recipe for disaster. And yes, I tend to agree that if one feels like she needs it because "you never know" then there are some issues in the relationship. Money's one of those things that both people need to be on the same page on and I'm not sure how keeping a secret account solves any problems. If a woman can't spend your money the way she wants because her husband won't "let her" then there are larger issues in the relationship. And if guilt or trust are factors, then those also speak to larger issues as well.

Drew · Gucci

NCshopper wrote:
And yes, I tend to agree that if one feels like she needs it because "you never know" then there are some issues in the relationship.

Not in my case, so it must be the same for plenty of other women! I think it is super smart to be prepared for anything, it's life and life always brings the unexpected at some point.