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Post Info TOPIC: the Ex


Gucci

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Posts: 2747
Date:
the Ex
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My ex bf and I broke up in December after 7 1/2 years together. Essentially because he was playing in a band and has hopes of making it big and according to him, our relationship (myself, our dog and our life together) was holding him back from the true Rockstar life he was meant to have. So anyway, he moved into a flop house with his 18 and 20 year old band mates (he is 30), quit his job as a welder, does drugs (supposedly, rumor has it) and his reliving his youth. So be it.

Our break up has been ok, no major drama, but we aren't really talking or on the best of terms. We just try to avoid each other as much as possible, the "friendship" thing is not happening at this point. A few months ago, my uncle died and I thought it would be the appropriate thing to do to call and let him know- after all he was part of my family for 7 years and my uncle really liked him. I was sorry I did because his response "oh, that sucks. I think I left my hat in the front closet, have you seen it?" reminded me what a self centred lame ass he has become. We haven't spoken for since then.

So this morning I get an email from him, not just to me but a few of our friends, asking for our support and votes for the band in a online contest. Now seriously, why would I support the band he left me for? I really could not care less about his silly band. However, I don't need to hear about it. I don't think he'd support me if I emailed him about something I was doing.
Would it seem like I was being a totally small, bitter person if I replied with an email saying something like "Its not necessary to send me this sort of thing, Thanks". Or should I just let it go and ignore?

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Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2065
Date:
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While it's great fun to be a bitter small person in short term, in the long term it won't be worth it. The only thing I envision happening if you respond is the Ex sending back something even more juvenile and then the drama that didn't happen yet will happen. Leave the email, and him, alone.

Or perhaps if you still wanna be bitter in some other way...vote (and tell us where and how!) for the bands he's competeing against. The Ex won't know you're doing this, right? And it will make you feel good.

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Chanel

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Posts: 3612
Date:
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i think you should ignore- he didn't take the effort to remove you from his mailing list (or to personally email you), don't make the effort to respond.

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Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 6944
Date:
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Ugh, what an ass!  It sounds to me like he's just not thinking of you or your feelings and only of himself and his band (self-centered just like you said).  I'd just let it go...it's so not worth your time to send him a snarky email - trust me, you wouldn't gain anything from it.  It's better to just ignore him.

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Kate Spade

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Posts: 1134
Date:
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I agree with Relrel.  As self centered as he is, if you respond it will turn into a petty argument that you don't want to be a part of.  He won't realize that he wouldn't care about helping you, he will only wonder why you won't help him.  

I like Relrel's idea of voting for the other bands if you want to do something do make yourself feel better.   

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Coach

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Posts: 1540
Date:
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you could also post the URL to the online contest so we could all vote against him :)

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nonsense!


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
Date:
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Here's my philosophy re: unwanted emails: if you don't have anything nice to say, delete, delete, delete. It serves many purposes, not the least of which is that you won't be tempted to respond in a weak moment in a way that you're sure to regret later on. Another plus is that you don't have to look at it or stumble upon it at some later date in the future to be blindsided with the same assiness that permeates the email now.

If you do want to be catty (which I fully support as long as he doesn't know you're being catty), I agree with the others about voting for bands that aren't his. Mean, effective, and completely anonymous. That's the only way to go about vindictive behavior, imo.

If he keeps sending emails like this, there are ways to combat him w/o being openly hostile. For instance, my SIL was constantly sending me "vote for god" and "god is beautiful" type emails. I deleted the first two or three but after I realized I got on her email list, I started sending her op-eds on how horrid Bush is. Almost immediately her god emails stopped. As immediately, my anti-Bush emails also stopped. A cease fire was called for, all without one word (or snarky reply email) exchanged. This won't work with your ex, of course, but I'm sure with a little creative thought, you could come up with something equally effective.

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Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 429
Date:
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I agree with others -- don't reply. Taking the high road will serve you better in the long run.
Can you add his email address to your junk mail list? That way you don't have to deal with his emails in your inbox, and you're not being passive-aggressive and blocking his address (unless you want to do this.) I recommend saving yourself grief and just don't respond. He's not worth your time anymore.
eta: spelling

-- Edited by Starstuff at 13:55, 2007-03-15

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Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2740
Date:
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I'd ignore this one. If for some reason he thinks it's okay to send you an email every time the band needs support, I'd eventually respond w/ "Please remove me from your distribution list" or something.

I STILL get emails from one of my more significant exes. Three a year inviting me to the spring, summer, and fall camping trips he's been organizing forever. We broke up nine years ago! Although we still see each other because we have mutual friends, we probably haven't said more than two words to one another in that nine years.

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Kate Spade

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Posts: 1425
Date:
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I think Starstuff had a good idea about adding his email address to your spam filter. But definitely don't write back to him. (and vote against his band! )

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Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2353
Date:
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I vote for not replying, but I also vote for giving us the info to vote against his band.

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"Whatever you are, be a good one." --Abraham Lincoln



Chanel

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Posts: 4919
Date:
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I'm in agreement with everyone else, don't respond, just vote against his band and give us the info so that we can do the same!

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Dooney & Bourke

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Posts: 797
Date:
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I am going with the group. Don't respond. And give up the info, Metric!! That little contest will have the most votes ever !!

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Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2030
Date:
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ignore it.

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Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2159
Date:
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I want to vote against his band too.

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Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2747
Date:
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ok girls...hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

www.battleofthebands.com Its for a spot on Warped Tour.
I'm not really sure how it all works, you have to register and I'm not really bothered to do that. If you choose to though, his band is called Beldens Wall (its under Calgary, Alberta, Canada). DON'T VOTE FOR BELDENS WALL hahahaha Vote for anyone but them!
Actually another friend of mine is in a band called Static in the Stars -give them your votes!
http://www.battleofthebands.com/profile.php?path=staticinthestars

Luckylily I like the idea of saying "please remove me from your distribution list" That's cold, man.

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Coach

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Posts: 1540
Date:
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done!

i wish i could see the ongoing results, though.

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nonsense!


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1019
Date:
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looks like his email backfired hehe

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