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Post Info TOPIC: An abnormally scented friend (is that tactful?)


Hermes

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An abnormally scented friend (is that tactful?)
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I don't know if this is the right forum, but this slightly hilarious problem is really hurting a friendship I have.

I'm really good friends with my ex-boyfriend still. Obviously, when we were dating, I was in close proximity to him quite often. Everyone kind of has their own scent (you know, like the detergent you use + soap + deordorant, etc.), and of course he had his, but it was always just a person smell. Nothing bad. I am the snuggle queen of the universe and didn't have a problem being close to him.

But in the last couple months, he's slowly developed some kind of odor, and now it's so bad that I don't even want to hang out with him. It's not really BO, and not really cigarettes (he smokes). I can't put my finger on it, but it's just this smell bad he's never had before. And I never want to hang out with him! Just tonight we were driving to the movie store together, and even with my window down it was still making me feel nauseated. I told him I felt sick and couldn't hang out anymore just so that I could drop him off and just get away from him. He has a girlfriend, so I have no idea why she hasn't said anything to him. I don't like being in a car with him when the window is open! How she hangs out and sleeps with him, I'll never know!

Is there any way I can tactfully tell him that he stinks? I hate that this is actually a factor that's keeping me from hanging out with him and has got me lying just so I can go home, but it's actually that bothersome. And it's weird because it's not something I can pinpoint, like BO or smoking, so I don't know how to bring it up. Help!

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Kate Spade

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Okay, I have no advice on what to say, but, I have over-sensitive nostrils and have pinpointed some real bad smells in my day. Is it a sour milk smell? Like just generally unwashed? (I had a coworker who smelled like that- I dry heave just thinking about it). Tell him to take a shower. Buy him cologne. He doesn't have dreads, does he? I had this neighbor once whose dreads were so foul smelling. Other friends who have dreads don't smell, I just think he didn't know how to care for them. I let him come over to watch tv once and febreezed my couch after he left.

Or is it his breath? Maybe he doesn't floss or has acid reflux. I had a friend who told me something gross about not flossing. Even at my drunkest and/or most exhausted states, I will remember that and force myself to floss. The acid reflux issue could be brought up out of concern.

I'm rambling now, but like I said, I'm very tuned in to smells...



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Coach

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i have a sensitive nose, too... so i'm going into minor convulsions imagining your situation.

i had a roommate who stunk (GAH). she didn't have bad hygiene, but it turns out she didn't dry her clothes. she just semi-air dried them, and then folded/shoved them into her dresser. i dunno if the cloth rotted or something, but that was the root of the problem. it was a sour, horrible, horrible smell.  but once we figured out what the HELL was stinking so much, it was easier to address.  do you know the gf?  can you talk to her about it?

and boobaby!!! dreads!!! omg, i knew someone who had dreads but sweat SO MUCH that they'd be halfway drenched.  he smelled like a dead cat slathered in dairy vomit.


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nonsense!


Kate Spade

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I just thought of something else. I've noticed especially with men that some dry clean only fabrics like wool and tweed suits or coats smell when they get wet. Its like all the various smells trapped in them get released upon contact with rain, etc.

And Squishy, I always love your use of emoticons. It's brilliant.

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Chanel

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I would tell him. You'd be doing him a big favor, and not to mention his girlfriend. If your his friend, I would tell him. I would definately want to know if I stink that bad where people have to roll down their windows of their car to kick it with me! Poor guy, wonder how many others have turned him away cause he stinks....

how to go about telling him? there's now easy way of doing it. Just pre-warn him on not getting his feelings hurt and just say it. there's really no other way of bringing something up like this i think. good luck. let us know if you do or don't do it. I know it wont be easy to just come out and tell him. but i think i would, if it was just a co-worker i wasn't close with, i wouldn't. but a close friend I would eventually tell if the smell didn't go away.

-- Edited by Tati at 01:21, 2007-03-09

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Hermes

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sigh. I know that if I smelled like this, I'd want people to tell me! The first few times I noticed this, I thought that maybe it was just dirty clothes or something to that effect, but since it's consistent now I don't know what it is. I'm confused, though, why no one has brought this to his attention (or maybe they have and it's something medical? That's what I'm afraid of). He has two roommates and a girlfriend, he sees his mom every couple days. I only see him once a week or less. So I feel weird bringing it up, wonder why no one else has, and I kind of just don't know how to do it.

I'm leaving town for a week starting tomorrow, though, so I won't be able to talk to him at least for that long.

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Hermes

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oh, and no dreads.

I didn't know that acid reflux could create a smell.. I don't know that much about it in general. A while ago he had some weird problem where he was burping all day long, like seriously three times a minute. He went to a doctor and the dr basically said he didn't know what was wrong. I thought he'd been better, but maybe it's just because I spend a lot less time with him so I'm not hearing burps all day long! I wonder if that's it...

-- Edited by ttara123 at 01:40, 2007-03-09

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Hermes

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Could it be cheap body spray or wash, like that Axe stuff?  Cause my brother used that stuff for awhile and let me tell you, it stunk!

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Chanel

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FashionPrincess wrote:

Could it be cheap body spray or wash, like that Axe stuff?  Cause my brother used that stuff for awhile and let me tell you, it stunk!


yea, maybe that's it. you should ask him if he's wearing cologne.
my parents gave my son an expensive cologne, he wore it to school and my whole car stunk that way. After school he stunk up my car again, I had to roll down the window! I asked him what he had on and he told me my dad gave him the rest of his cologne. I told him he was never allowed to put that on again! stinky!



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Hermes

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squishy wrote:

and boobaby!!! dreads!!! omg, i knew someone who had dreads but sweat SO MUCH that they'd be halfway drenched. he smelled like a dead cat slathered in dairy vomit.



 YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is seriously the most disgusting thing I hve ever read.


I remember once I was on a bus in Santa Cruz and it was super crowded. A hippy w/ dreads got on and sat next to me and his dreads kept touching my bare arms...it seriously made me want to throw up. I hate dreads....



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Hermes

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squishy wrote:
 he smelled like a dead cat slathered in dairy vomit.

I have nothing constructive to add, but squishy, dude, you crack. me. up. 



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Dooney & Bourke

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Boobaby, your post had me laughing!

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Marc Jacobs

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One of the guys I dated smelled like a skunk. It turned out (I snooped in his bathroom) that he was using some stuff to regrow hair and it just smelled horrible. HORRIBLE. Is his hair thinning? Becuase if that's it, he would die. On the spot. If you brought it up. But otherwise I would say something because he really shoudl know.

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Hermes

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I just want to say that if you say something to him, make it as nice and gentle as possible. Def. ask if he has a new cologne (not accusatory).

I had some roomates in college that were very nasty and told me I stunk...I was horrifid and have never gotten over it. I'm so paranoid about it now!

eta- I didn't and still don't have any idea why, so I don't know how to fix it. I do notice though with certain fabrics if i sweat even the smalled bit, they'll smell funky.

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 09:06, 2007-03-10

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Chanel

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First of all, I am LOVING this thread. I don't know why, especially, except that it rules.

But my first thought, and I was waiting for someone else to say it, is alcohol. If he's drinking a lot, that stuff oozes out of the pores the next day, and the person oozing can't smell it like others can. (And smokers have an impaired sense of smell anyway.)

Alcohol ooze is BO-like in that it permeates, as opposed to a smelly jacket (he takes it off, the smell is gone) or a breath/digestive/dental problem (unless he's talking, you don't notice).

I would think as an ex-GF you'd be accustomed to the usual stuff like if it was coming from clothing, cologne, or a medical thing - unless it's gotten much worse recently. But drinking would fit what you describe. Especially vodka, which closet alcoholics prefer because they believe it has no smell, but it so does, especially the next day! If you haven't been around drunks, you may not be able to identify it precisely either, so it's a mystery to you.

Propecia and that junk does smell bad, so that's also a good possibility. In my experience it's a sour smell. But in reference to the GF, she just may be immune, or inured/used to it, so hey - they're perfect together.

But if you think it's alcohol, the way he smells is the least of the problems. Bring it up by saying "Every time I hang out with you now, you smell like you tied one on last night. So, WTF? How much are you drinking these days?"

And if it's not that, at least you can move on to "Okay, so why do you smell so funny to me now?"







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