STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

How many serious relationships before you found your fiance/husband/serious bf?

Kitty · Hermes

RE: How many serious relationships before you got married/engaged?

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

RE: How many serious relationships before you found your fiance/husband/serious bf?

luckylily · Gucci

I guess I had one relationship other than DH that was very serious. It lasted 5 years , we talked marriage and thought we'd be together forever. I had two other semi significant relationships that lasted around 6 months each. I don't consider either of those all that serious tho. Other than that...lots of a date here and a date there.

My DH never really did any random dating, but he's been in one other significant relationship that lasted several years.

I don't think it's a big deal that your guy hasn't been in other serious relationships, different things work for different people. My sister is 30 and she had been about a million first dates until she entered her first fairly serious relationship a few months ago.

Lilykind · Hermes

my current BF is my first serious one.

BF has had only one other serious relationship.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

ttara123 wrote:

He says that he never got serious with anyone before me because he was looking for certain traits, etc. that he didn't find in anyone before me.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 22:46, 2007-01-07

This totally describes a good girlfriend of mine... she didn't have a real boyfriend until she was 27 because she she knew what she was looking for and just never found it in anyone. And unlike me and some of our other friends, she never let herself get entangled with anyone who she knew wasn't going to be right long-term. I see why you're feeling the way you do, but I don't think you should be too worried about it. Some of us need to learn from our mistakes to find the right partner, but some of us just luck out.

-- Edited by sephorablue at 00:47, 2007-01-08

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

None. I met my BF when I was 24: I am now 30. I had a BF for 6 weeks my senior year of high school, one for 2 months my sophomore year of college and one for 2 months my junior year of college. Both of the college boys were long distance guys. Now, while I didn't really date anyone I sure did hook up with a lot of boys because I was in college and I just wanted to have a good time and enjoy being young while taking advantage of the fact that I was in a unique situation that I would never be in again.

When I met my BF I was totally ready for the seriousness of the relationship because I had sowed all of my oats and was ready to move to that kind of a relationship with a guy. I knew exactly what I wanted all of which he had every single quality down to our mutual hatred of people who wear sweat socks all the time and the Dave Matthews Band. Every weird quirky thing that I wanted in a man (because I had them and didn't want to have to explin my reasoning) he had. We even share the same favorite author. Of course, we don't share all of the same views: music, politics, but they are on a broader scale so we don't care about that stuff. Anyway, I digress...

Don't worry about it, if you two are meant to be then it doesn't matter about your past dating habits. People act very differently in relationships that mean a great deal to them.

janey831 · Kate Spade

I had one, although looking back on it, it never really was a serious, committed relationship like the one i am in with BF. BF has never been in a relationship longer than three months.

Sandy · Kate Spade

BF and I had both been in one serious relationship before meeting each other, both of them were bad relationships. I had two or three semi-serious relationships and a handful of flings... just silly high school stuff (same goes for BF). I've known enough people to understand that BF is for me, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't think it matters how much past relationship experience a person has; I just think that when it's right, you know.

Elle · Hermes

AllieGurl wrote:

MY DH and I were both our first serious relationship. Neither of us feels like we missed out on anything. We have been together for 10 years now and it really worked for us.

Dont worry that your guy hasnt dated alot, that just ment he was waiting for someone special (you) to come along.

Same for Mr. Elle and I. I think that in almost everyone a little wistfulness for the road not taken is to be expected, which is true of any bigger life choice IMO - college, where you live, job, kids, etc.

I actually met someone who I would have ended up having a relationship with had the timing been correct, don't know if it would have lasted. We were both in long term relationships with other people though (both of whom we ended up marrying), but had we both been available at the time things could have turned out mighty differently. My point in that is that IMO there are many people that you might click with and be able to be with long term. Sometimes you don't meet one until you're 30, sometimes you meet one when you're 13, sometimes you meet more than one at a time. It's not something you can control, but you can control your reaction to it. He didn't meet you until now, and he controlled his reaction to that situation by not having a serious relationship prior to his with you. If he happened to meet someone he clicked with (and I mean on a fundamental personality level here) in the future after you are married, he could control his reaction to that situation too, but acknowledging that while he may have had a future with that person had the circumstances been different, he is with you and very happy about that and how the circumstances with you worked out. Does that make sense?

NCshopper · Hermes

I was in two semi-serious relationships before DH and had my fair share of little flings along the way. But looking back, those two semi-serious relationships seem almost like puppy love now, but they were significant for me at the time. I was never really one to get emotionally involved with people because most of the time I knew it wasn't worth my while. DH was the first person who I really felt I could get emotionally involved with.

DH dated a few people seriously in the past, but to be honest, none of that matters. Those relationships didn't work out for whatever reason and he chose to be with me and that's all that I think matters.

blubirde · Chanel

I had one other serious relationship before I met the boy. I also had more than my fair share of flings, dates, hook-ups, whatever you want to call it. The boy had one serious relationship before me and A TON of other hook-ups on the side (he was 34 when we met and only one serious relationship in college if that tells you anything).

I do feel confident that we know what we're looking for and we found each other in that search. But it's not so much because of past relationships, although that's some of it, but it's more about age. I know we've both seen what's out there (whether we experienced it directly or not) and we know, at this point in our lives, what we want out of a partner. So I wouldn't worry if he's dated or not. If he knows what he wants and you're it, I think that's all that matters.

jacL · Coach

My current BF has been my one and only serious relationship. We started dating when I was 17. We broke up briefly a few years ago though, so I tend to divide our relationship in two halves--before and after, since our "after" relationship is the one where we chose to be with another because we truly loved each other and felt we could make a good life together. The "before" was a lot of trials and tribulations, but never had the seriousness that we have now. I don't even know if that makes sense but I hope it does.

I wouldn't worry if I were you though. I completely agree with what Elle said.

-- Edited by jacL at 21:42, 2007-01-08

member · Hermes

I thought I had one before I met my current BF. But looking back now, it was nothing compared to what I've got now

I've been on several dates in my time, and had more than a few semi-serious relationships before SO, but he's the only one I consider a really serious relationship. I met him when I was 22 (5 years) ago, and we've lived together for the past 2.5 years.

halleybird · Hermes

AllieGurl wrote:

MY DH and I were both our first serious relationship. Neither of us feels like we missed out on anything. We have been together for 10 years now and it really worked for us.

Dont worry that your guy hasnt dated alot, that just ment he was waiting for someone special (you) to come along.

ditto. I don't think everyone has wild oats to sow. Even if I hadn't met my husband at a young age, I doubt I would have dated much.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Before I was with my BF/soon to be fiance, I had what I considered to be three serious relationships, but looking back I see they weren't as close or good as I thought they were at the time. I also had my share of dating in between. My BF has about the same amount of relationship and dating experience too, and like Blubirde mentioned, I think both of us were at an age when we met two years ago (I was 27 and he was 30) that we knew what we wanted in another person. Maybe it's not so much the dating experience that helped us realize that, but knowing ourselves, in whatever way it took to have us learn what we wanted, if that makes sense.

Kelly · Hermes

Thank you guys... I guess it's just hard for me to imagine myself without all my exes... after all, they shaped a big part of who I am and helped me define to myself what I think love is, should be, entails, etc... So I can't comprehend how someone else could know those things without similar experiences. I know that sounds dumb, and while I know as a fact that other people can, I guess it's just hard for me to understand because that's how I did it.

I just have to keep reading your stories and telling myself that it doesn't matter what road we took to find each other, as long as we did!