STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Background: My grandmother and aunt on my mother's side are sort of difficult people, and don't get along with her very well, so I've only seen them maybe once every year or two for most of my life. My mother and I aren't close, so she only knows sort of vague generalities about my life that she passes onto them when they're in good enough terms to speak.

Recently, my mother told me that both my grandmother and aunt are very mad at me and hurt that I don't call them or email them. I asked her if they wanted to talk to me why they didn't call me or email me, and she said it's because I'm expected to, being younger. Also, she said my grandmother calls at times when she thinks I will be in the house, so that I can ask to speak to her.

To me, this doesn't make any sense. I'm not really one for games, and I believe in being direct about feelings and wishes, instead of passing them through other people.

My grandmother is also angry because she occasionally sends me emails, and I don't respond. However, these are not emails to me - they're all jokes, or warnings about different things (like those police ones about calling first to make sure it's really the police) and she sends them to a long list of people. I don't feel that these are really anything to respond to, and I usually don't even open them, as I really am very busy at school.

Most recently - she sent out an email saying Happy 2008 to a list of almost 30 people, including myself. I emailed my mother asking if my grandmother was okay, since she put 2008 instead of 2007 and if it was just a typo. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I actually responded to my grandmother instead of my mother, and she sent me back a very angry email about how "if i was concerned about her, i should speak to her directly".

I really have no idea what to do with this situation. I have never been close to any of my relatives on either side of my family, and I don't understand why I'm expected to regularly inform people that I really don't see or speak to often about my life. My mother has had a very difficult time with them over the years, and I really don't see why I should be expected to, except that "they're family".

Am I wrong here? How do I proceed with this?

Also - my mother explained my grandmother is acting this way also because she is being "pressured" since I do not have a boyfriend - since at age 19, I should be engaged, if not married according to my grandmother's sisters, who are orthodox jews. This is completely ridiculous and I don't plan on addressing it ever, but I guess it's part of the situation as well.