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Post Info TOPIC: Would you take the condo?
lovelygirl


Kenneth Cole

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Would you take the condo?
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My boyfriend and I have been seriously discussing an engagement in the last few months, with the understanding that we would probably get engaged sometime this fall or winter (we're South Asian so we actually have an engagement ceremony that we do prior to being officially engaged).

Anyway, his parents are really excited about the impending engagement and mentioned to my boyfriend that they were going to buy him a condo sometime in the next year which would be our condo when we got married.

This sounds like a pretty sweet arrangement. Having that condo would free up a ton of money for us. But something about it doesn't sit well with me. I almost feel like we should earn enough money for a condo on our own. Or that taking the condo from them will inevitably come with strings attached? But I also feel that rejecting the condo might be seriously hurtful to them.

I don't know if I'm rightfully concerned or if maybe I'm being ungrateful and a control freak. I know the condo would be an amazing gift and it could give my boyfriend and I a lot more financial freedom. What do you girls think?


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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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While it is a wonderful gift , I think it may come with some strings attatched. Perhaps they would purchase the condo in an area they choose? Or Maybe it would not be in both of your names, so it would still technicly belong to them?

I would suggust thanking them for the offer. Telling them you and he are planning on purchasing your first home together (condo etc) and would prefer instead a down payment for your new home. I think this would give you much more control of the situation.

HTH!

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calichic


Dooney & Bourke

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First off, you are so lucky that your future in-laws are so giving.  Initially I would be super excited, then I would consider that there would be weird strings attached as well.  I think that you should maybe mention this concern to your bf, if he would be ammenable to that.  I would assume that he and his parents are pretty close and so if he reacts like "my parents would never do that," then I would assume that is correct.  However, if he is unsure, then I would remain skeptical.  How well do you know his parents?  Do you think that they would do something like that? 


The bottom line is that I really do think that this is a heartfelt gift.  But if there is any tension between you, him, and his parents, then it might be something that they would use against you (both?).  Just my


 



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lovelygirl


Kenneth Cole

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His parents are really nice people-- I'm sure they would give the condo with the best of intentions. But they can also be really overbearing and pushy. My concern would be the subconscious strings attached-- like wanting to drop in whenever they wanted, demanding that we house any relatives who come into town, etc. And I wouldn't even mind doing any of that, but the idea that we would have to do it bc they bought us the condo makes me very uncomfortable.

It also makes me uncomfortable that we would be just given the condo instead of working towards our new home. I don't know if I feel this way because I didn't grow up with a ton of money. His parents are fairly wealthy and see nothing wrong in just buying the real estate for him. I don't know if it's silly for me to think that there's something to be said for saving up for our own place with our own money.

I'm thinking a good compromise may be a gift of a down payment instead. But I don't know how to broach it with my boyfriend without sounding like I think his parents are awful people. And he totally thinks we should just consider ourselves blessed and take the condo. I'm just not sure what to do.

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gingembre1


Kate Spade

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I think the idea of a gift of a downpayment, or towards a down payment, is a good idea.  I know a number of parents who have done something similar- in the case of my best friend, her parents are giving her a lump sum of money to use however she sees fit.  In her case she's using some of it towards the wedding, and rest will be put towards a down payment.  It would be great to be able to start off newlywed life with a nest egg like that!

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I'm in a very similar situation, but with the roles reversed: it's my parents who would buy the home or give us the lump sum and my BF (who I've been discussing engagement with) who's uncomfortable with it. I can completely understand why it would bother you -- it bothers my BF as well, while he also sees the upside, like you. It is very tempting to be able to start off a life together like that, with a big financial step up.

I would suggest talking it over in depth with your BF: what situations would you be okay with, what would you be uncomfortable with? Do they get the keys to your place, and can they use them whenever or for emergency only? Do they pick out the condo or do you guys get to choose? Would you rather just have a lump sum to do what you want with? There are certainly issues of power and control when money enters the picture, and that can create resentment or unhappy situations. Since you're concerned about his parents being pushy it's definitely a good idea to sort all this out and set up the boundaries now!

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Maat


Kenneth Cole

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I'm not sure what the best answer for you is, but I know I would accept it. I would accept it, but save a TON of money every month. This way if there are too many strings attached to the gift, you will have a good down payment on a house and even though it was because of his parents that you were able to save the money, it would still be YOUR house then.

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NCshopper


Hermes

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Hmm...that is tough.  But maybe there's an arrangement that could work for you.  Maybe they could buy the condo and act as your mortgage lender.  They could probably give you a better rate than any bank could right now and you could pay them the mortgage.  That way it's still your condo because you're paying for it.  Or maybe they could just help out with the down payment or something.  If you do decide to let them buy it for you or come up with some other arrangement, be sure to have an attorney draw up the paperwork so you know whose name the deed is in and how much of the house is yours.


If you have any questions, feel free to pm me.  We have an arrangement like this with my parents and it's worked out really well.



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