STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

joy0302 · Kate Spade

Sticky situation!

shopgirl · Kenneth Cole

I wouldn't tell the rest of the family because that just drags them into your issues, and they will find out eventually through other sources. You don't want your relatives to have to start choosing sides. You and your husband will be depriving yourselves of your family by declining invitations, and you'll have to determine whether it is worth it. Is it possible to avoid your in-laws at family functions, would your mother-in-law cause a scene in front of family?

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I have an aunt and uncle in your same situation with my grandparents. Since my mom is just a DIL like my aunt I think my aunt told my mom once when they went out for lunch or something. Just like an fyi and didn't really go into the details so no one would have to pick sides like shopgirl mentioned.

joy0302 · Kate Spade

Aurora I think you have a good idea. Just casually mention it as a way to explain our absence, but not get into it.

Shopgirl you are right. I don't want people to have to take sides. His parents have done things to many family members in the past to upset them, so I would rather everyone figure out how they feel about them for themselves. I just don't want everyone to think that we are not showing up because we don't care about them, because that is far from the truth. It would be impossible though to be in the same room with them and have them act decent, especially his mom. If they would just ignore us then that would be great, but there is no doubt in my mind that she would scream and yell and make a scene.

NCshopper · Hermes

If this woman is half as crazy as you've said she is, then undoubtedly the family should understand.

I know you don't want to get people involved, and I agree with that, but I think you should at least say something to someone about it. Something along the lines of "We really appreciate the invitation to the wedding and we're so sorry we're not going to be able to go. Unfortunately, we've had to cut off contact with (insert Crazy Woman's name here) and we feel it would be best to lay low until things blow over. We hate that that means we'll have to miss the wedding, but we'd like to take you guys out to dinner to celebrate with you, if that's alright." That way you can explain that you'd like to be there and let them know not to really expect you guys at family functions for awhile, and you don't have to get into details with them as to what happened and have them take sides.

Anyway, that sucks that it's come to this, but if I remember your earlier posts correctly, you're definitely better off without them in your lives.

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

I think NCshopper is 100% on the money. If the other family members are understanding and perceptive, they will know what's going on and know not to take your absence personally.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I think Aurora and Ncshopper and everyone is exactly right. Just be matter of fact about everything. It's no one else's business, and underneath, even if they don't admit it, I guarantee you they understand. Good for you for deciding not to take any more of the parent's abuse. It's really hard fofr people with good family relationships to understand how difficult this sort of decision is - but if anyone gives you a hard time, it's sooooo their problem. {{{{{{{ hugs}}}}}}}

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I agree with the other ladies -- and I also wanted to say, it sounds as though the rest of the family will understand. I love NCShopper's suggestion of asking the wedding family members out to dinner. It's a great way of still keeping in contact with them.

blubirde · Chanel

I would let them know (the other family members) what's up but I wouldn't go into details. That way they know it's not them you're avoiding.

And I like NCShopper's idea of having some one-on-one time with the individual family members instead of the big events where the in-laws will be at. It's more personal that way anyway.

It sucks that you have to go through this but good for you for making a decision and sticking with it.

joy0302 · Kate Spade

Thanks everyone!! It helps out to know I have people that understand!!

Until this point when we would see his extended family we would not say anything, because we didn't know how to bring it up, but I think you have a great idea NCshopper. That would be a great way to let them know not to take things personally and still be involved with everyone.

Thanks again, this was a hard decision to make, but in the end I really think it was the right one. Glad to have back up from my fellow ST girls though!