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Post Info TOPIC: OMG! Guess what i found out!!!!
nicoley


Coach

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OMG! Guess what i found out!!!!
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So I just got a phone call from that missed phone # i had this morning.  Low and Behold, it was the guy I had met thursday night when I went out with my friend.  This guy is on my friends Pro team.  I had an amazing time with him, he ended up spending the night, but nothing happened other than kissing and stuff.  We woke up in the morning and he was still super sweet to me etc.. We spent the morning watching the World Cup game, and then I dropped him off to meet his friends because I had to drive 3 hours to pittsburgh.


So he just called and I was super excited, BTW, I must mention he is from Europe (please tell me why international guys are always attracted to me?  The only european in the room, go figure!)  So we are talking on the phone, and he goes, "i have to tell you something" and im like oh great, this can't be good.  And he goes, you know the girl on my phone you asked me who she was last night, and im like yeah... Well yea you guessed it... Its his wife!!!! She lives in Europe still, and he has only been here for 2 months, and she may be coming over here.


He is about 6 years older than me... But I have never done something like this, and now i feel horrible, and not to mention feel old, because i didn't think i was old enough for something like this to happen.  I told him how horrible i felt and that he should not have done that, and felt bad and said that he still wants to be friends with me, and we can hang out together. 


Girls, I am so bummed, I was really into this guy, and thought maybe i had made a connection.  I guess i'm glad he told me, but still, this is so bad.


My head is everywhere, i wish i would have never met him.  When are things going to change!!


I think I am getting the hint that I need to stay away from european guys all together! They have been the only guys i have seriously dated in the past 5 years!



-- Edited by nicoley013 at 21:26, 2006-07-02

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"Deep down you may still be that same great guy I used to know. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you" Rachel Dawes, Batman Begins
jacL


Coach

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OMG, I am so sorry about this!  But it is a good thing you found out now rather than six months down the road.  Stay away from this guy, I don't believe he only wants to "be friends." 


Don't worry, it will not be like this forever. 



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~Jaclyn
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Hermes

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jacL wrote:

OMG, I am so sorry about this!  But it is a good thing you found out now rather than six months down the road.  Stay away from this guy, I don't believe he only wants to "be friends."  Don't worry, it will not be like this forever. 
What a jerk!  I can't believe he decided to tell you he had a wife after he spent the night at your house and kissed you.  Ugh.  I agree w/jacL - please stay away from him.  He does not just want to be your friend, obviously.  You deserve and can do so much better.

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joy0302


Kate Spade

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What a creep! You deserve much better than that! I agree with the other girls-there is no way he just wants to be friends.

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kahluamilk


Dooney & Bourke

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Yikes!! He "knew" abt his wife when he chose to kiss you and spend the night.. You didn't!!


Don't feel too bad abt it. He's totally to blame!


 


 


 



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travelgirl


Kate Spade

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Is he some kind of pro sports player?  I'll tell you what-those pro guys are trouble every time!  Look at the bright side and just be glad your not his wife-what a jerk!  You deserve better than that!



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Sweetie - this is NOT your fault. He's a creep. I know it feels like a total bummer, but seriously, how the hell were you supposed to know? You can only take people as you find them, and some people lie and are creeps and deserve nothing but contempt.

You know what would be funny? To call him up and go nuts on him. Just rip him a total new one! "You never told me you were married!" Guys like that cannot handle an emotional female, and he would be so completely freaked out and upset and worried and never talk to you again, and maybe, let's hope, think twice before he pulls this again!

And no more kissing boys until they buy you something first! I know that's shallow, but you deserve it, and there are just too many creeps catching on to how nice you are. No kissing. No hanign out. And no friends. These people are bad, bad, bad and you are sooooo nice and always see the good in them. They don't deserve it,, and they don't deserve YOU!

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shopgirl


Kenneth Cole

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what.an.ass. It isn't your fault that he decided to be unfaithful to his wife. You didn't know, and now that you do, you can steer clear of the bum.

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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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I completely agree with Dizzy on this one.  You are way to nice and awesome to be having something like this happen to you over and over again.  I would steer clear of this guy cause if he did it once he'll try it again.  Guys suck sometimes but then you find good ones so keep your head up and keep going till you find the nice ones.

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laken1


Hermes

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kahluamilk wrote:
Yikes!! He "knew" abt his wife when he chose to kiss you and spend the night.. You didn't!!
Don't feel too bad abt it. He's totally to blame!
 
 
 


This is exactly what I was thinking. If it makes you feel any better, after I left hubby #1 but my divorce wasn't completely final (logistics / time) I went out of town to a convention & decided that since I was out of town & a few guys were flirting with me that day that I'd pick one & go on a "date". I picked out this totally cute guy & turned up the flirting & he asked me to dinner. While we were at dinner I told him I was waiting on my divorce to be final & asked him what his story was....he said "well, you know I'm married, right?" UH NO!!! He didn't have on a ring & never mentioned a wife, AND he asked me out - what would make me think he was married?!?! And he wasn't european either, he was from Mississippi. A creep is a creep. Not your fault. Take it as a lesson learned & be happy it didn't take you 6 months to figure it out. Now you know to ask....

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nicoley


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Thanks for all the awesome support!  I am still completely shocked over this whole thing and sort or weirded out about it.  I have not spoke or seen him since he called and told me the news, but in saying that, when our phone call ended, he did say he would call me when he got back on wednesday (the team has an away game and has been out of town).  I totally know in my head that I should just ignore his calls and avoid him at all costs... Please feel free to yell at me, but for some strange reason, I feel like I want to hang out with him again as friends.  The only way I can explain this is probably because I still don't know anyone in the city, except for my one friend that is on the team with him, and that we sort of connect and have fun. 


But I think if i were friends with him and we hung out, I would feel way to guilty, especially since he won't tell his wife im his friend (which i can understand because pro sports wives are super paranoid, especially since she still lives in their home country in europe, and has no clue what he does while he is here, and knows girls are all over him.. which I was NOT)  I just feel like for us to be friends we would have to sort of sneak around, and im so not for that.


I guess im sad that I could have such a cool friend and would make me so much happier living in this city, being able to go out and do things, finally!  See I barely go out due to my super busy schedule and lack of friends here, so its super hard for me to meet anyone, so i can't be like oh well, ill meet someone new next week or something.   But even so i just think being friends would  be the wrong thing to do. 


I'm hoping maybe someone will tell me its ok to be friends and hang out, or should i just suck it up and forget about it.



-- Edited by nicoley013 at 21:53, 2006-07-04

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"Deep down you may still be that same great guy I used to know. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you" Rachel Dawes, Batman Begins
BeauteJilly


BCBG

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  I'd say  suck it up and forget him. It is not worth debating it over on yourself. He did this to you and why would you want to keep him around even if he just wants to be "friend." He probably would hope for something more.  Also, I believe that it is better to be home alone than hanging out with wrong kind of people out of desperation.  It'll save you some trouble and you eventually will find people and befriends with them. Give it some time. 

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Kelly


Hermes

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Oh my gosh, this would freak me out so much!!! I'm so sorry!!!

I think you'd be much better off paying $10 for a yoga class or something if you don't want to spend lonely nights at home - you don't want to invest your emotions into someone you KNOW is skeezy

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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I know how this one feels. Y'all have heard me whine about everything with my stuff for-ev-ah now. The thing is, do you really think he's goign to be a friend? If I'm reading this correctly, all you want from him is friendship. Someone to hang out with. Do stuff with. Get to know his friends. Catch a movie or get a drink. All very reasonable things to expect. But has his behavior really shown you that you can expect this from him?

Because, the problem is, he is trying to sleep with you. So: 1) He has already lied to you. 2) He is not going to want to spend time with someone who is NOT going to have sex with him, when he could be spending that time with someone who would 3) Trying to get friendship from someone who is not actually offering friendship is horribly frustrating, and the lonliest feeling in the world. 4) There's a good chance his girl friends will not want to hang out with you and his guy friends will write you off or treat you disrespectfully (not anything to do with you, that's just typically how people react in this situation) 5) He has the opportunity to treat you poorly behind your back, and gets to run an ego trip (Example: a friend of mine - not a good friend - told us he was inviting a girl over and quote "she's nothing special" Then the jackass made sure we all knew they were spending the night together). 6) All this feels TERRIBLE for a girl (and as a side note, you HAVE to say something when it happens to another girl, even if you don't know her!). Run, run, run, run, run from being the girl that the guy is hitting on. It never, never makes you feel better. It's just a mess.

From your posts, you are a bright, strong, stylish and fun person - totally capable of having a meaningful friendship. Seriously, do you want to waste all that you are on someone who is not trying to be friends with you? You deserve so much better. This guy has lost the chance to be your friend. It's NOT the other way around.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 02:00, 2006-07-05

PS - guys who try really hard to hit on you, then confess to the girlfriend/wife/total lack of availability are trying to take the blame off themselves and put it on you. for some reason, guys think the sentence, "Well I told you..." (as well as the old favorite "I never promised...") is a total get-out-of-blame free card. So if you continue to talk to him after this, he thinks it's working and you might hook up with him despite knowing the worst. It's not like he told you, and now it's off the table.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 15:48, 2006-07-05

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Misty


Dooney & Bourke

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ASSHOLE!  WHY do guys do this?  It's all kind so wrong.  I'm sorry, sweetie.  My friend went through the same thing a few months ago  -- we were out a bar and this guy kept trying to get in to our conversations, even after we ignored him.  Finally, we resigned and let him join in and he was majorly flirting with my friend.  We left, and he saw me in the parking lot and was like "I didn't get your friend's number".  I told him she was behind me in her car.  So, he got the digits, called her the next day and made a date.  Then he must have started feeling guilty bec. he told her the following date.  They never went out, but he tried SO hard to talk to her, no way in heck would we have ever thought he was married.  f'in LOSER

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Hermes

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Sweetie - he isn't trying to be your friend.  I agree w/Dizzy - he wants to sleep w/you, so you need to run far away from him.  Just because you are lonely and in a city where you don't know many people, does not mean you should try to be friends w/this loser.  You can do better and you can find better friends.  Why are you trying to be friends w/such a jerk?   A cool frien is not a guy who kisses you, the next morning tells you  he has a wife, and then says he wants to be your friend but can't tell his wife about you.


Hang in there and know that you can and will find people much more worthy of your friendship



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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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shopchicago33 wrote:

Sweetie - he isn't trying to be your friend.  I agree w/Dizzy - he wants to sleep w/you, so you need to run far away from him.  Just because you are lonely and in a city where you don't know many people, does not mean you should try to be friends w/this loser.  You can do better and you can find better friends.  Why are you trying to be friends w/such a jerk?   A cool frien is not a guy who kisses you, the next morning tells you  he has a wife, and then says he wants to be your friend but can't tell his wife about you. Hang in there and know that you can and will find people much more worthy of your friendship

I agree with this.. He is NO friend and he never will be. Friends are honest and respectful. This guy is neither.


Please stay far away from him!



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