STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

killa · Dooney & Bourke

Ex-friend is dating ex-bf! Grrr.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

um, not at all. i think it's totally normal.

i had something like this happen to me recently and i was soooo soooo mad at myself for letting it get to me. like you, i have a wonderful bf (of 5 yrs.) but when my ex texted me (we still text each other and talk about once a month) to tell me that he finally met someone who was normal i got REALLY upset. and then i got REALLY REALLY upset at myself for getting upset when i broke things off and i have a wonderful bf now.

so, i think it's just natural to want to see how their relationship is. i didn't go on myspace, but he called me and told me about their dates and i just listened to it, i couldn't/didn't make him stop talking about it. that's sick, right? then i realized that it's normal, but unhealthy (at least that's what all my friends told me). i think it will always hurt to see someone move forward. just remember, you've moved forward too...you're not defeated.

so, i really really feel for you. i didn't know this girl who is dating my ex, so i can only imagine how it feels to have a friend dating an ex.

what helped me is just rememebering there's a reason why i broke up and that i'm ten times better with my SO. also, i've taken a break from his texts and definitely from his phone calls. i thought i could remain friends, but everytime something like this happens i'm not sure, so for now, i know i need a break. so if you can, try to take a break and not look at myspace.

((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

I will never forget what happened to me when I found out my ex moved on. We had ended a very long relationship in where both of us became really unhappy and distant in the end and I basically decided I didn't have to settle for him (he had major deadbeat issues) and I moved back home after 2 years of living together. I was HAPPY to end it, I was Happy to start fresh and know that I didn't settle and stay with him and end up marrying him and being unhappy for the rest of my life!!!!! I wasn't attracted to him anymore and I really hated my life with him and how lazy he was. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to end a 3 year relationship instead of being too scared to do the whole break up thing.

HOWEVER.....
We went to the same college and he was an Animation Major and I was Graphic Design, but I had to take an annimation class for my degree. About a month after we broke up I went to our old apartment (where he still lived) so he could help me with a project. It wasn't too wierd or anything, we were civil to eachother and still friendly. I even made dinner for us and hung out a little after the project was done. I went to the bathroom right before I left and opened the medicine cabinet to get the soap (we had one of those round sinks that didn't hold anything on the sides) so he KNEW I would have to look in there. There, right in front of my face was a note that said "Hey Lover, last night was great, I'll call you later" I felt like I was in a movie. I almost threw up in the toilet. When I came out I was obviously acting different and he kept asking what was wrong. Right before I went home he finally figured it out and apologised for leaving it in there and then told me who the mystery woman was. It was an old friend of his that he had always been in contact with throughout our relationship and who had always been "fake" nice to me, and I didn't trust. I couldn't believe it was her!! He claimed nothing ever happened until we were through. And it's not like I wanted to get back together with him, or didn't believe him, it was just, you know, like that realization that the guy you dumped was going "thanks for leaving me so I could finally sleep with that old friend of mine" I cried on the train all the way home. I think that was the true closure of our relationship and I hadn't thought it would hit me so hard considering I left him, but it was just "the end for real"

I will never forget it. My advice is, just be happy for the things you have and think about all the bad parts of your relationship with him. And I know it will be hard, but try not to look at the Myspace stuff, cause it will just drive you crazy.

rlutz · Chanel

I totally do not think you are crazy for freaking out!!

blubirde · Chanel

Are you kidding? Not only would I be freaking out, I would have called everyone I know and over-analyzed everything to the point of hysteria. Not even kidding. So no, I don't think you're weird for freaking out. I think you're totally normal.

That said, you have to stop looking at myspace. It will only drive you crazy. (And trust me, I know how hard a thing like that is to do - I'm completely OCD about such things.) Just look at your current bf and imagine all the wonderful ways he treats you and how good he is for you. That will make you forget about that stupid ex and that stupid ex-friend in no time.

bestwhensimple · Nine West

Honestly, Myspace is the devil! I actually found out through Myspace that my ex-boyfriend was serious with the girl he started dating after he broke up with me. He changed his status from "single" to "in a relationship" and I noticed it a couple weeks ago. And it really made me want to throw up. I don't like him anymore, but just the fact that he's moved on completely and is now happy with someone else kind of freaks me out. I'm happy dating other people too, but the fact that he's now in a serious relationship when he told me that he just wanted to be young and experience new people totally pisses me off. So, your reaction is normal. But, stop looking at his Myspace. I did, and I feel a lot better now.

And it really sucks that it's your former friend who is dating your ex. That's just not nice.

So, no more Myspace. And forget about the ex. Focus on yourself! That's the best thing to do now.

jettie · Kate Spade

You are not crazy at all and myspace is evil! I had a somewhat similar experience but my ex wasn't dating a friend.

I looked at my exbf's myspace page a few weeks ago and saw that his ex girlfriend (who he dated before me) had left him an "I love you, I miss you" note....I was so upset because it had only been a few weeks, even though I was the one who initiated the breakup. When it comes to myspace, I wish I had never joined because ignorance is bliss.