STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

cluelessinfashion · Nine West

Just started dating and I'm confused...

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I honestly don't understand the problem. I don't see ow there's any distance if he says he'll call you and then calls the next day, and you hang out every weekend. Any more than that would probably freak me out.

Hermes

his interest declining is not good - and it's not necessarily that he doesn't want to be with you, but he may not be the partner you're looking for if the sensitivity, enthusiasm for the relationship, and consideration is not at the level you expect -- and you have every right to expect those things.

sometimes guys don't put forth what they need to to keep a relationship going and are all shocked when you leave. I know - I've been there. He didn't put forth the interest I expected and I lost interest - then he freaked and called all the time and wrote poems , but by that time I was turned off for good.

I wouldn't ask him to step up to the plate either and ask him to be what you want him to be - what you see is what you get and you need to decide if that's something you want to commit to.

Maybe he is a summer fling - I would certainly keep my options open and not be exclusive since he's not giving you what you want from a relationship.

Also do not feel any obligation to be with him because of his sister and/or that you met his family.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Heavy start, then slow decline - but not so slow that it stops - could be game playing. If it is, he wants to test to see how much effort he has to put into it, how much you'll put up with, how much he misses you when you're not there, whether he can still flirt with other girls and how that is... and so on. Don't be a doormat, but don't freak out and start playing games back. A lot of girls try the "I'll show him and just be really, really busy and brag about other guys wanting me..." at this stage, and it pushes the guy away. The flip of this, "I'll show him I care and call and make a bunch of effort..." doesn't work either. He just decides your clingy and strings you along for-ev-er.

This is a tough one. I think you just sort of have to give up on the idea of a relationship with him right now. And wait it out. Do you want to get together with him right now, as things are the moment he calls? Then do it. If not, don't. If he acts distant and it brings up an "oh no!" reaction from you, just sort of quietly observe it in yourself and DO NOT act on any of those feelings. Try to figure out why it bothers you, and if he is enjoying it (some guys REALLY do, others it's just a byproduct of the fact that they're idiots).

Guys who do this tend to have black and white thinking... "she's perfect this is great!." "Oh wait, one of my friends pointed out that her pedicure was chipped, she sucks..." This is because they can't handle their own flaws. And it's truly horrible to have someone like that around to point out yours. Even more fun, they tend to have lousy communication skills, and poor problem solving ability, "I will avoid her, and then see if she gets the hint about the pedicure." Not fun to be around either. So he might be one to toss back... Just a thought...

Whatever happens, don't get caught up in thinking "How am I going to get a relationship with this guy?" It's a recipe for making you feel like crap. I know because I do it over, and over and over... Good luck sweetie!

PS - Ditto what Detroit said, especially the part about the sister...

-- Edited by Dizzy at 10:52, 2006-06-12

cluelessinfashion · Nine West

I really appreciate all the comments and suggestions. I think I'm just going to take it slow and keep my options open. I like this guy and I know that he is interested but like detroit said...maybe he just can't be what I want him to be. We'll see! Thanks again.